What Even is Motherhood?

If you have followed along for any amount of time, you will know that I have struggled in amy transition to being a stay-at-home mom.  You will know that I created a series called Messiness of Motherhood which highlighted moms of all kinds.  While composing the series, I found a lot of support in motherhood and respect for the other roles that moms take on.

We have since had our second child, Piper, and it has brought on some new challenges.  It should be noted that I love motherhood.  I am so humbled that the Lord specifically chose me to raise Ezra and Piper.  I am truly finding joy in motherhood: joy in the insane complex crazy wonderful world of motherhood.

However, motherhood hasn't quite been what I thought it would be.  Of course, I am not even sure what I thought it would be like, but not this complex web of beautiful insanity.

So what even is motherhood?

It's messy floors and stained clothes.

It's cold coffee and dry shampoo. 
It's pajamas all day and cheese for breakfast.
It's falling asleep nursing a screaming infant and building blanket forts with a toddler.
It's crying on the phone with your mom for no reason, and it's forgetting to bring the diaper bag to the mall.
It's walking through the grocery store with a wailing toddler because you haven't opened the not-yet-purchased box of graham crackers fast enough.
It's only getting your left hand fingernails painted.
It's feeling like a failure because your kid won't sleep through the night, and it's feeling accomplished because your kid can throw his own diaper away.
It's singing nursery rhymes and children's worship songs without your kids in the car.
It's turning on any cartoon in order to get 5 minutes of quiet.

It's shutting yourself in the bathroom just to check your phone, but just discovering your child can now open doors.
It's throwing the kids in the car just to take a drive, with no destination in mind.
It's seeing the joy on their faces as they make a new discovery or learn a new word.
It's wanting to give up on parenting and simultaneously never wanting anything bad to happen to your child.
It's taking (mostly) only the cute pictures and posting those, but stashing the mess-ups because those are special too.

It's being the bad guy for washing his favorite blanket and forgetting to dry it before nap time.
It's saying you'd never let your kid do XYZ, and then letting him do XYZ.
It's trying to get out of the house but yet again you're already 20 minutes late, oh well.
It's talking to your child like he's your best friend because there's really no one else to talk to during the day.
It's a struggle to find the routine that fits and feeling euphoric when you finally tweek it so it's just right.
It's the mystery of making room in your heart to love your kid more than you ever thought you could and loving them more each day, and loving deeper with every child you have.
It's learning to be flexible and giving yourself grace.
It's finding mom friends to cry to and support.
It's looking into your sick child's eyes wishing you could take every ounce of hurt and pain and fever away if it meant they would feel better.
It's wanting to scream your head off because the kid has to eat something other than bread.
It's sacrificing sleep.

It's crawling into the crib with your kid just to hang out after naps.
It's reading the same book 81 times every day because it is what he likes the most.
It's a dirty house and piles of dirty laundry and uncleaned toilets and unvaccummed floors.
It's boogers and spit-up and bubble baths.
It's Paw Patrol on repeat (can I get an 'amen'?)
It's early mornings and late nights.

It's more cold coffee.
It's hard.
It's messy.
It's even more cold coffee.
It's sweet.
It's rewarding.
It's overwhelming,
and it's a lot more that's hard to convey,

but most importantly, it's worth every single second.

What's motherhood to you?

What I Mean When I Say I am "Pro-Life"

When I say I am "pro-life," I literally mean I value life, ALL life, made in the image of God.  A life He fashioned for a purpose.  He desires ALL persons to turn to him. All, not just the persons that look similar to your reflection.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
- 1 Peter 3:9

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.
- Acts 4:12

I am pro-human; pro-unborn; pro-unsure pregnant mom; pro-poor; pro-wealthy; pro-refugee; pro-woman; pro-man; pro-LGBT; pro-enemy; pro-leaders; pro-police; pro-black; pro-white; pro-muslim; pro-christian. pro-LIFE. I am pro-PERSON.  I am "pro-life" because life is valuable in the eyes of our Maker.  We have value because of who created us.  Just like Starry Night is valuable because van Gogh painted it.  We are valuable because of who made us; and who made us is the great I AM.  From before the foundation of the world, he knew us and had us in mind.  As Jesus died on the cross, he had us in mind.  We are valuable because God says we are.  So from conception to resurrection, we are valuable and valued, all of us.  He created us in His likeness with dignity and purpose.

But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.
- Isaiah 64:8

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; What is man that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him a little lower than God, And You crown him with glory and majesty!
- Psalm 8:3-8

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness...God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
- Genesis 1:26-27

Whether we agree with decisions made by such persons or even support the lifestyles choices of those persons is contrary to whether or not we re able to extend love in a Christ-like way.  Others' sins are not to hinder our ability to demonstrate Christ's love; for if this was the case, we would still be separated from the great love of Christ.  He sought us in our sin, loved us, pulled us out of that sin, and walks with us in the path of righteousness.   Agreeing or disagreeing with someone's life choices is separate from our ability to care and value their lives.  It is unrelated to our responsibility and ability to share the redeeming love and salvation message of Christ.  Disagreeing with someone's choices should not cause us to see them as less than human or unworthy of Christ's love.  Whether they run this country, are growing inside the womb, have broken relationships, are fleeing from an oppressive government, or practice a different religion; if we shut out those who differ from us, how can we possibly demonstrate biblical Love to our neighbors.

my friend Sepideh and her parents: all are Iranian refugees

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.
- Mark 12:30-31

'For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me. “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.
- Matthew 25:35-46

But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side.  So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion.  He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him.  And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’  Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.
- Luke 10:29-37 

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:19

So when I say I am "pro-life," that is what I mean.





(updated from my original Facebook post)

Messiness of Motherhood: The Empty-Nest-Mom

And just like that, our Messiness of Motherhood series is coming to a close.  Over the last two weeks, we have taken a look at the ups and downs of motherhood.  We have heard some amazing stories from moms who work outside the home, moms who enjoy staying home with their kids, moms who are expecting their first child, and moms who have journeyed down the first year as a mom. If you have stayed with us up to this point, you have witnessed through their words just how hard being a juggler of all things family can be.  And if you haven't had a chance to hear the stories I just mentioned, the links are conveniently l below for your enjoyment.  (A new page will pop up so you won't lose your place on this post, just don't forget to come back.)

I think it would only be appropriate to wrap up our series with the wisdom of incredible moms who have gone before us and paved the way.  Take a minute to let their advice sink in, after all, these are the pro-madres  We can learn from their mistakes and get right what they wish they would have done.  Be encouraged by their perspective.  I know I am.  (Don't forget to see the end!)

Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• Introduction
• The 9-to-5 Grind Mom
• The Stay-at-Home Mom
• The First-Year Mom
• The Soon-to-Be Mom

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These are the questions that I have asked our empty nesters to think over and respond to:

1. What challenges have you faced now that you are an empty nester?

2. What do you feel is the greatest reward of being an empty nester?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered without having kids at home? Does this look different than when you had kids in the home?

4. If there was one piece of advice (or something you wish you would have known while your kids were younger) you could give a new mom or a mom who feels like she is in over her head, what would that be?

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Amy M.

my beloved mom

Once the house was empty of the girls there was a cacophony of quiet, the silence was deafening. My life for 20 years had been focused centrally on my children, their needs, desires, dreams, and activities. I realized that I had lost myself and my relationship with my spouse.  It was an awkward time of not knowing who I was, of searching for purpose and of rekindling a romance with my husband.

One of the greatest rewards of being an empty nester is being able to see the fruits of your labor. Our children were raised to be productive adults not to be physically mature children. We never wanted to hold them back but to let them develop into who they were created to be. To witness the girls as dynamic women is one of the most satisfying things I can imagine. My husband and I get to laugh together of the memories of our little girls and all the mishaps and successes that came from those years. We get to hope together for the future of grandchildren and roll our eyes at watching our children “adult." It is times like these that I wish I would have listened to my own mother more and yet I know I would have done it my way regardless of the advice, then I smile and know my girls are just like me. That is rewarding too!

For me trying to stay Christ-centered is a huge challenge. With traveling so much on the weekends, I rarely attend church. The small group that I once attended has changed nights so I am not able to go. My worship tends to be time alone with Jesus in the morning, listening to sermons from podcasts, and singing along with the Christian radio station. It is all too easy to make excuses and to let the devil have his way so I must stay alert and cautious. Somedays are better than others. When the kids were home, we had a very set pattern and the flow of life was mostly a constant. I do recognize that when I have more frequent conversations with my girls they assist in holding me accountable. It is a nice turn of the tables, and is so greatly appreciated.

The one piece of advice I would share is to remember that you are God’s first, your husband’s second, and your children third. One day the children will be gone from home and you will look around and see that man you committed your life to and vowed in front of a church to love and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness or health, and you will want to make sure that has he has grown and that you have done so alongside him, not ahead of him or behind him but arm in arm all the while in the journey of parenting. By keeping Christ as the center of your relationship, you should have an easier time of becoming an empty nester yourself. Remember too that the hustling of a family is temporary station in life and that it is not the life. The hustling stops and life continues, and it is still amazing!

Even though there are so many wonderful joys that come with being an empty nester, there are also moments of heartache. I personally ache not being able to be a part of the daily life of our married daughter, she just lives to far away to make that a reality. I relish the few moments a week that we talk on the phone or FaceTime. I listen to the smile, the tear, the wonderment, the hurriedness, the concern in her voice as a wife and mother. I long to visit with her; to hold my grandbaby and just to be with her and her family. And, I am so honored to see how well they are doing life! That is joy that soothes the heart. (Oh stop mom, you're making me cry.  I love you)

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Janet Y.

my wonderful mother-in-law

The biggest challenge we face now as empty nesters is getting around to all our kids and grandchildren!  Visiting our adult children and 7 little (soon to be 9) grandchildren is both an amazing joy and a wonderful challenge! They live in several different states and most of them have weekend church or other job commitments. It takes special planning and sacrifice to work it all out, but my husband is the greatest “driver” in the world and isn’t afraid to drive us 900 miles to get those hugs, laughs, even if it’s only for a one night trip.  Another challenge is getting the kids together in one place at the same time. The kids love being together and we try very hard to make it work so that twice a year we can all be together.

My husband Phil, and I do miss all 5 children being home like they were when they were teenagers with their busy schedules.  For me, the greatest reward as an empty nester is watching Christ build our adult children’s spiritual lives.  Praying and celebrating with them as they plow through the really hard things and experience their own answered prayers.  I would encourage moms to keep the focus on Jesus and stay a “spiritual team” with your adult children and families even after they have moved away. Now, even as separate families, we still challenge each other and call on each other for strength, for prayer and boy do we laugh too!

I have always found that the best way to stay Christ-centered is to serve within the body of Christ to build up the church. At this time in my life God has called me to serve in women’s ministry through leading a Life Group for woman who do not have a spouse that joins them at church.  Preparing for this keeps me accountable in many ways: bible study, prayer, reaching out to share the gospel, serving in the community. And even though my kids are not at home, my calling is to pray and encourage our kids with the Word of God.  I will be an empty, sad example of a godly woman to the 5 beautiful young women I call daughters if I am not hiding the Word in my heart.

There is so much you learn as you organize yourself as a new mother.  To tell you the truth the one piece of advice I share with new moms is “tried and true," but it is still so important, and it is ask for help and accept help. New moms just weren’t meant to go it alone.  I read a lot of excellent parenting books during those years raising 5 children, and I followed my own sweet mother’s simple advice: "make it look easy."  She didn’t mean pretend that what I am facing isn’t hard.  She was saying to pause and move slowly and deliberately before you speak or act. Don’t flit around acting flustered and put out. Keep your self-control in check, be patient with your children as they learn. Guide and teach them with a loving tone in your voice and a gentle touch. Be firm when you must and mean what you say, and follow through. Be their teacher. In other words, be a kind mother. Love them as Jesus loves you. You are to teach them who God is by how you treat them, speak to them, and how you live.

Demonstrate for your growing children how to go to God with the everyday things of life, and don’t cast your children aside.  Teach them to thank God for his answers to prayer and to pray deeply.  For this to happen you must pray with them specifically.  Show them how to use scripture to pray.  Show them through the tests and the trials, the smiles and the tears, how it looks to follow Christ.  This is the calling of a mother: to teach her children well in the ways of God. With the indwelling Holy Spirit as your promise from Christ to guide, you will find success and God will bless.

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Tammy N.

I miss some of the busyness of raising kids and going to countless events. I'm sure that will start all again once grandkids are born. You tend to be lonely without kids when they don't live near and you only see a couple times a month.

The greatest thing about being an empty nester is getting to be intimate with your spouse at any time. I do have more free time to mentor younger women throughout the year.

I try to stay Christ-centered by using my free time to study, participate in more bible studies, mentoring, and having an accountability partner.  It does look different because my studying is now much deep and not so generalized when kids were at home.

My advice to younger mothers is to just rest as much as you can and fill up with God's word.  Be patient.  Take the time in every thing to say to your kids to share why and its biblical principles.  Kids don't need over stimulating, so just keep it simple.  It's about making memories by doing things together, not about what you have. In our house, any attitude was addressed in discipline as a "heart issue" and would be addressed with pictures of their action, writing paragraphs of right to wrong, and changed to using a concordance to reflect on 5 scriptures and journaling about their sin and behavior.

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Rebecca M. 

I have never regretted staying home. I have had various jobs along the way and I do have a college degree in Psychology, but having an empty nest is a phase to get used to. It is God's plan to take care of the family, and I did it willingly for the rewards of knowing my children would be raised by me so I could instill my values.  After 28 years, it is quite a jump to move into empty nesting. The first year, I didn't really know what my job was anymore. I have had to learn my roll in my children's and husband's lives in a new light.  Empty nest is fun, but it has thrown me into a crisis of identity, in a good way, but a whole new way of looking at life.

The fulfilling part is that each one of our children has gotten mature, wise, and to see their love for God.  They are teaching their children the same values, not just religious, but how to discipline. These are things that are so intrinsic, you can't place a value on it. I feel so deeply satisfied that I was able to be a SAHM.

Staying Christ-centered is a discipline which has had ups and downs through the years. Having children at home lessened the amount of time I could spend reading the Bible and praying. It was a juggling act to find the time to even have long devotions wihen the kids were little. I had to filter out all the suggestions that people had to do devotions at certain times of the day and develop my own customs and habit for reading the Word.  Some things worked and others did not. Being an empty nester now, I have an easier time and a longer time to enjoy reading the Bible and praying with no interruptions.

I truly believe that a SAHM needs to remind herself of the God-goal for her as a mother: The goal is to raise her children in the Lord. And with that, I had to remind myself of the value of it, because it was so demanding. I would ask my husband: " Why am I staying home to raise the children and keep this house?" I had to constatnly remind myself, so I wouldn't be discouraged. It is very easy to lose heart at the most demanding job ever!  I would advise that young moms keep plugged into the Lord's job for you: to be keepers at home, raise your children well, and stay plugged into God.  God is the one who empowers us and encourages us.

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Maria L. 

Being a parent of an adult can be tricky at times. I want to help my daughter and be there for her, but I do not want to interfere. I want to give advice, but do not want to be controlling. That can be hard for me because I can be a control freak.

Being with and getting to serve with my husband has been such a great part of being an empty nester.  Getting to just enjoy time with the love of my life is wonderful. That has gotten better since we have both retired.

We struggled with having devotions as a family when our daughter was young. In fact, we never mastered it. It seems like I still struggle with having a meaningful time with the Lord. I have a tendency to be legalistic and rush through time alone with God.

Balance in life is important. There needs to be time for a mother be alone. This could be a time for a mother to get recharged by spending time with the Lord. This could also be a time for the mother to plan her day or make a list. Be intentional and purposeful about everything. Plan fun things for the family. Make family time special! Remember that your family is the most important part of your life. Make special time with your husband. Be his friend and do things he wants to do. Be a united front with your husband when dealing with your children. Your children need to know that you and your husband are on the same page. Remember that you were a couple before you parents. Continue to have fun together.

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Linda W.

I do not think the challenges as an empty nester are all that much different than when kids were at home. We enjoyed every age and transition with both children, and I loved seeing them grow into adults. I think it helped that whatever the situation we always kept time for the two of us even if we were broke! It also helped that we had the 1st grandchild before we were truly empty-nested. Also, near my retirement, we started a retirement "hobby" business of taking groups to Europe. It gave us something to be excited about as a couple. At retirement from 40+ years of teaching, I did struggle with the loss of structure. Ron struggled with me being at home and him not. It was good that our daughter-in-law went back to work and I could help with girls.

We certainly made mistakes as parents, but we are at a place to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Within reason we can do what we want, and spend as much time with grandchildren as we want. Sometimes I fear that we might be too involved, but we love it. I think their parents do also. I have special relationships with all four girls. You have more time to volunteer your services and resources to church and community.

My advice to younger moms is that it is normal to feel overwhelmed. You are not a failure if something does not get done. The house does not need to be clean for children to feel loved. One grandchild said, "Grandma, your house is a mess." I said, "Do you want to stay home and clean? Or go do something fun?"  We had a great time that day. Do something you enjoy every day, and never go to bed mad.

I worked as a young mom. If I could have taken any time off, it would have been when they were in junior high. I wanted to work, and probably needed to. I think I was a better mom because I worked. My house and car were often a mess-as well as my desk at school! I missed a lot, but we were able to have some great experiences because I worked. Memories that will not be forgotten. Experiences are more important than "things." Traditions are important, but do not be afraid to change things up sometimes. Some of my colleagues became extended family which was great. I did feel guilty sometimes.  I am having a hard time with the older grandchildren getting too the age that they do not require as much of my time.  It is kind of like being empty-nested all over again. We may need to move to Virginia to be closer to the little ones.

Take time for yourself. It will not be every day, but do it.  I did not always do that, and I feel that it contributed to me being overweight most of my adult life. I would have been more content if I had, but felt that all of those other things in life came before me.

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Mitsy B.

I am fortunate that my children and grandchildren live near. I am able to babysit, carpool, or do whatever is needed when it is needed. In becoming an empty-nester, I have faced no difficulties in regards to having my children leave home, because I did my best to prepare them for that very thing. I'm fortunate to see them succeed in their chosen fields as I continue to work at a job I love.

I so understand missing not being back in the classroom. Teaching is a calling for most of us in the education system and not serving there leaves a void.  Teaching is the perfect profession for a mother: you keep the same school hours and holidays as your kids. I know it is tough in the beginning but hang in there. I was never cut out to be a SAHM.  Let this be your time to bask in the joys of motherhood without the strain of being torn to also be with your babies. I was fortunate to be able to be with both of my kids the first two years of their lives. And then I spent the rest of their childhood as a teacher and those years flew by so quickly.

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If you were encouraged by these posts, take a quick minute to leave a comment to let them know.  It takes a lot to be vulnerable, but especially to admit short-comings and regrets.  If you are an empty nester yourself, take a minute to reflect and answer these questions.  

1. What challenges have you faced now that you are an empty nester?

2. What do you feel is the greatest reward of being an empty nester?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered without having kids at home? Does this look different than when you had kids in the home?

4. If there was one piece of advice (or something you wish you would have known while your kids were younger) you could give a new mom or a mom who feels like she is in over her head, what would that be?

Messiness of Motherhood: The Soon-to-Be-Mom

The journey to motherhood can be so many things to us all.  I know for me, the emotions of the unknown and untimely rapidly stole much of my happiness for the first months.  You can read the story of my raw and real emotions in the (unexpected) pregnancy HERE.  However, there are no two stories that look the same, and no two experiences that match each other.  While some people enter motherhood through adoption and fostering, others welcome motherhood through the changing of their bodies.  Regardless, motherhood is a special role some get to play in another's life.

These soon-to-be moms have incredibly stories that are brushed with fear and excitement, anxiousness and joy, heartache and happiness.  Take a minute to read through their stories, as each one is unique.  If you are a mother-to-be, don't forget to stay tuned to the end where you will get a chance to encourage and respond.  (Don't forget the end.) 


Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• Introduction
• The 9-to-5-Grind Mom
• The Stay-at-Home Mom
• The First-Year Mom

Here are the questions I asked my moms-to-be to review and respond to:

1. After the baby arrives, what do you think you will do for work? Will you stay at home or go back to same job? What is your dream/ideal situation in regards to work/baby?

2. What has been the greatest experience of your pregnancy thus far? Has it been how you imagined it to be/what other people have told you it is like?

3. What are your expectations/fears of motherhood within this first year?

4. How are you staying Christ-centered with all the excitement of a new baby on the way?

5. What do you wish other people knew about your path to pregnancy/motherhood?

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Cassie B.

I'm a PhD student so it's my number one priority to return to work and finish my degree. That being said, I don't get many of the benefits that come with a "real" job, like paid time off or maternity leave. This means I may be potentially taking a month off, unpaid, after Baby B arrives. I will have to return to work within a few weeks, at least part time until Baby B can start daycare (hopefully around 6 weeks). This isn't my ideal situation as I would love to have a normal maternity leave to bond with my baby and adjust to motherhood, but that just isn't the reality of having a baby in graduate school. However, I know that these sacrifices now will allow me to better support my family once my degree is finished.

My pregnancy has been mixed with a lot of fear, excitement, guilt, and panic. Prior to this pregnancy, we had a miscarriage that really rocked our world. Most moms that have had a miscarriage will tell you that pregnancy isn't the same after that. However, even in the heartache and fear, I am grateful for the peace I have felt. My days are filled with constant prayer and longing with God, and I am thankful for that. 

I always looked forward to being pregnant, and although I anticipated a normal level of anxiety, what I have experienced since the miscarriage has been really hard. It almost ruined the idea of pregnancy for me and the carefreeness of it all disappeared. Now, I know pregnancy isn't butterflies and rainbows, but I was so excited to experience it, and now everything is mixed with fear. I was terrified to tell people we were pregnant for fear that they would see it as a solution or a quick fix to the loss of our miscarriage. That being said, the physical part of pregnancy has been about what I expected. The complicated emotions, however, those were unanticipated. 

My fears of motherhood in the first year include learning how to balance school and family, prioritizing God over my marriage and my marriage over my child, and finding a healthy balance of meeting my child's needs but not teaching them that the world revolves around them. (Thank you Cassie, YES!) I know motherhood will be a hard lesson in many areas of life and I'm trying to prepare myself that this will be a "learn as we go" experience. I'm incredibly Type-A, so being willing to give a lot of that over to God might be one of my biggest challenges in the first year. 

I want my child to see that God and my husband are above them. For me, that work starts now. Whenever I find myself obsessing over child care, or a registry, or what gender our baby will be, I try to turn to prayer instead. Our miscarriage taught me that a baby is not guaranteed, and I try to remember that on a daily basis. Now, to say this has been easy would be a huge understatement. There are days where I'm anxious, where I think about how hard it will be to give up some of my independence and my sleep, but mostly there are days where I just remind myself to be grateful for the present day, because at least for that day, I am still pregnant.  

My current pregnancy doesn't fix the loss of my last pregnancy. While pregnancy comes with joy and excitement and elation for many, mine came with fear and guilt and sadness over the loss of my first baby. It came with bitterness towards people who never have to experience miscarriage and who brag about how much they love being pregnant all the time. Yes, we are overjoyed, but we will also never forget the baby that we lost.

Cassie blogs at Sage where she reviews products she loves, talks about her road races and travels, and shares what is going on in her life.  You can read more about her journey through miscarriage and pregnancy on her blog.  

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Amber K.

Though I don't have a baby in my arms at the moment, I'm preparing my life, heart, and home for the arrival of our sweet babe, due in June of 2017.  I work as a bookkeeper at an accounting office. Once the baby arrives, I will take maternity leave and return to work when that time is up. It isn't financially possible for me to be a SAHM, and I am already struggling with the thought of going back to work after I give birth. Ideally, I would love to stay at home with the baby a few days of the week and work part-time at my job, but that is not an option due to the work load of my position. Although it will be tough, I find comfort in looking back at my childhood. Both of my parents worked, and I still had the best childhood!

The entire experience of pregnancy is great, but my two favorite happenings are: telling our families, friends, and pastors, and the the eight-week ultrasound. We got to see our little babe and hear the heartbeat. I cried and will probably cry each time I hear those pitter-patters.

I've always wondered what pregnancy would be like. Would I be sick like most women? What would it feel like? I had only heard people talk about morning sickness, so I wasn't sure what to expect. There are so many odd things that happen to one's body during pregnancy. After experiencing the first trimester, I can honestly say I had it pretty easy. I had mild nausea for about three weeks, and that's it. But the fatigue was not what I expected at all! No one told me just how completely exhausted I would be.

I try not to focus on my fears and expectations too much because I'm completely aware that I am human. I'm going to mess up and do things differently than others. And you know what? That’s okay.

All the excitement and changes that come with a new baby have pushed me closer to the feet of Jesus. I had a breakdown at work in the beginning of my pregnancy. Everyone was offering me their unwanted and unsolicited advice on giving birth, vaccinations, and breast feeding. I cried to my husband later that night, and he reminded me that we are the parents who God chose us to raise this baby. We will do what we think is best while trusting that God is guiding and protecting us along the way. Everything else, opinions or otherwise, do not matter. I will stay rooted in His Word and remind myself of His faithfulness in the last thirty years of my life.

What I want others to know about this pregnancy, as well as every big and small thing in my life, is that God is faithful to provide. It may not always be when or how we think it should happen (like thinking I'd be married and have babies in my early twenties; but instead, I married my husband when I was 28, and I'll have my first baby at 30.) He is a good God who - in ALL things - works for the good of those who love Him. I will never be the perfect parent, but with Jesus at the center, there's grace for the messiness of motherhood.

Amber has the most sweet and sincere blog at Wildbloom.  Follow her journey as she photo-documents the world around her, provides encouragement, and speaks truth about the Lord.  

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Joy L. 

Last year around this time, I felt God calling me to step out from my current ministry role and spend a season not working, but instead in prayer and rest. My relationship with God sometimes leaned a little too often on “doing” instead of “being.” In the midst of all the “doing,” I think I lost a bit of who he make me to be. My identity got wrapped up in my work and God began to speak to me very clearly about that. So I am still unsure what work will look like for me after the baby comes. My greatest hope for this though is that I will come to know myself by knowing the Lord because He has purposed each of us uniquely. My ideal situation is that no matter what I do is that my child will see me pursuing God and who he made me to be in the work that I do.

The greatest experience of this pregnancy so far has been feeling our little boy move. It's such a miracle, this life growing inside of me. Pregnancy though, has not been how I imagined it would be. For example, the amount of times I've peed my pants while sneezing, jumping, or laughing is a bit embarrassing.  haha! As I think about my expectations of pregnancy, I realize I didn't really have many before I was pregnant. I did think I would be a lot more sentimental than I am: taking pictures of my belly every week, keeping a journal, and all the other things new moms do. I have done none of these things. Ha! Maybe with the next one?

One of the biggest and sweetest surprises has been how loved and celebrated we've been by our friends and community. Sharing with my closest friends that I am pregnant and seeing sincere joy on their faces is such a gift and reflection of the community God desires for us-sharing in each other's joys and struggles.

One of my biggest immediate fears is that I will not enjoy nursing. I've heard so many women describe this as a beautiful connection between mom and child. I'm worried that it may not stir up those same feelings for me. I have spent a lot of time intentionally just trying to take things day-by-day though and not to think too far ahead.

There is so much excitement and planning when it comes to preparing for a baby and it can be such a distraction. Hours upon hours of reading reviews on which baby crib, stroller, and car seat is best can be a bit consuming and also exhausting. Also, almost everyone else has their own opinion about what is right and best when it comes to raising a child. It can all be a bit much and sometimes tough relationally when you don't exactly agree with the advice you are given. My husband and I have had to intentionally seek God together as we navigate our growing family. I actually think many of these things have led us to a deeper desire to know God and what he would want for our child. With all the change coming our way we are finding peace in the only firm thing, Jesus.

Troy and I have been married for almost 5 years.  We didn't want to get caught up in the pain of seeing negative after negative pregnancy test each month, so we left it up to God's timing and prayed and just hoped for the best.

Joy is an up and coming photographer in the Indianpolis area.  Check out her trendy and beautiful work at Joy Lane Photography. She's super talented with the lens. 

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If you have been encouraged by these soon-to-be moms, please take a minute to tell them in the comments.  If you are experiencing pregnancy or a different path to motherhood yourself, we would love for you to answer these questions to reflect for yourself.

1. After the baby arrives, what do you think you will do for work? Will you stay at home or go back to same job? What is your dream/ideal situation in regards to work/baby? 

2. What has been the greatest experience of your pregnancy thus far? Has it been how you imagined it to be/what other people have told you it is like? 

3. What are your expectations/fears of motherhood within this first year? 

4. How are you staying Christ-centered with all the excitement of a new baby on the way? 

5. What do you wish other people knew about your path to pregnancy/motherhood?

Messiness of Motherhood: The First-Year-Mom

Being a mom is hard work. (Should I type that again, because let's be real.....being a mom is the hardest thing we've done up to this point in our lives!)  As a first-year-mom myself, I think we go into motherhood with all of these expectations and desires, but quickly get a dose of reality when our sweet babies don't sleep through the night when we thought they would, or don't like being rocked to sleep when that is the number one thing you were looking forward too (or maybe that was just me, either way.)  Motherhood is a complicated web of ups and downs, goods and bads, rights and wrongs.  It requires a level head and a open heart.  

I have asked a few moms who are in the midst of mothering their first child within the first year to answer a few questions regarding their own personal experiences.  As a mom, I can feel the hurt and pain, smiles and laughs through some of these posts.  I have been sincerely encouraged by these mom's honesty about their struggles and joys.  It is so nice to know the things you think are just out-of-this-world crazy are actually completely normal and you are completely normal.    I hope you can read these women's perspectives with a non-judgemental spirit as we have a great opportunity to learn from someone walking a different (and difficult) mile in a different pair of shoes than us.   Here's to you first-year moms!!  You are doing a fantastic job!  (Don't forget to check out the end of this blog post.)

Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• Introduction
• The 9-to-5-Grind Mom
• The Stay-at-Home Mom

Here are questions that I asked my first year moms to think over and respond to:

1. Are you a working or stay-at-home mom?  What were the motivating factors for you to choose that route?

2. What has been one of the greatest challenges in motherhood this first year?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered as a new mom? What does your time with the Lord look like?

4. What do you wish other people (maybe moms-to-be or non-moms) knew about your personal experience in this past year?

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Savannah D.

I teach 2nd grade. Financially, for our family, I need to work. We could make it work if I didn't; however, a lot of things in our life would be very different. Plus, I desire to work. I use to say, before I was married and even at the beginning of my marriage, that I would love to be a SAHM.  My desire has changed since then, not simply because I don't want to stay home with my child, but because I love what I do.  I feel that what I do is important and I feel called to it. My classroom is one place where I get to love big like Jesus and teach little people important things. I get to build relationships with families. I feel the urge to keep doing it even though I have a child now.

The greatest challenge I've faced so far would have to be trying to balance all of life. I've only been back at work for 3 weeks, and I'm still trying to figure out how to do my job well, be a great mother, loving wife, a decent housekeeper, find time for myself, read my Bible, and everything else that is a part of the daily grind. I feel like I'm going at full speed 24/7 and wondering will it ever slow down.

Quite honestly, my time with the Lord has been very rare in my almost 3 months of mom-ing. The time I have spent in the word has been so good and so needed and refreshing, but somehow I can't make it happen every day, not even every other day. Sometimes the only time I get with Him is on my 40-minute commute to work or back when I'm praying. This is hard in general, but it's been even more of a challenge for me since I became a mother. However, being a mom has made me extremely aware of my selfishness and more grateful for grace. And when I think about it, I'm more in awe of the Gospel and how God gave up his Son for us.

I want people to know that I absolutely hated being pregnant. If I have it my way it will never happen again and we will adopt more kids. I had a C-Section after 18.5 hours of labor with a failed epidural.  I didn't feel any less of a woman because they had to cut me to get my baby out. It's not what I wanted nor what I expected, but at the end of the day I was just happy that my baby was in my arms and that I was no longer pregnant. I felt like I was supposed to feel a certain way about having a section based on what I've read and heard others talk about. So I spent a lot of time wondering if I was even a normal woman for not feeling like I'd failed at birthing my son. I hated breastfeeding. I did not enjoy nursing at all, so I only did it for 2 weeks. I chose sanity over it because I felt that was more important: that my well-being mattered because I had the responsibility of taking care of a tiny human. So I hate the question, "Are you breastfeeding?" now because it sometimes makes me feel guilty. I just weaned myself from the pump, and I have mixed feelings about it since soon he will only get formula instead of a mixture. But at the end of the day, he is not going hungry, he's growing, and he's healthy. And that's a win, in my opinion.

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Elizabeth T.

The motivating factor to be a working mom was because of insurance.  With the circumstances that my family and I are in currently, (my husband Trey is a full-time student) I have to work to provide insurance for everyone. If you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I thought I would be a stay-at-home mom I would have said, “ I hope that I have the option to stay home.” My mom was able to stay home with us until we started school and I always thought that is what I would be able to do too, but the Lord has different plans and right now. I would like other people to know that I totally respect moms that stay at home! While I would LOVE so much to stay at home with Mary Nelson all day, every day; I can’t imagine actually doing it.

One way that I am intentional with Mary Nelson is in our time together in the evenings during our bedtime routine.  We typically spend quality time together by not turning on the TV and just rolling around, laughing and playing on the floor. Mary Nelson loves to use us as her own personal jungle gym.  From a very young age, I implemented a bedtime routine with Mary Nelson. While at first this was just so Trey and I would have some sanity, now I genuinely look forward to the laughs and fun in the bathtub to the stories and cuddles right before bed. That is OUR time and no matter how tired I am or what my day has been like, there's something about that 25-30 minutes with her that really gets me through the day.

I would say the most challenging thing about being a working mother is the balancing act.  To be honest, I am slightly a perfectionist and VERY much a control freak; therefore, in the early days of motherhood I struggled with post-partum depression.  While I don’t know exactly why, I honestly believe it was because I felt that I was loosing control.

I am ashamed to say that remaining Christ-centered as a mother is also a very difficult. I feel like my discipleship group (D-group) that meets once a week is my outlet. It is my way of stay connected, along with holding me accountable to spending time in prayer and the Word. My time with the Lord is not as it should be and I know that; while this is not the fault of motherhood but simply my lack of making things a priority. I strive to spend time with the Lord every day; however, many days I fail. I am doing good to get out the door with all the items we need for daycare, so many days I find myself listening to a podcast by Matt Chandler or Tim Keller on my commute and challenging myself to meditate on the lessons throughout the day.

I wish other people knew that I often feel that I am missing out on some of the sweetest, most special months and years of Mary Nelson's childhood. I am blessed with a job that is flexible and have co-workers that understand the importance of family; however, I am scared I am going to miss Mary Nelson's first step, and all the milestones to follow. I don’t like the idea of my daycare teacher telling me things about my child that I don’t even know.  It's weird.

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Hannah K.

I am a working mom. Financially, staying at home is not an option for my family.  However, I really do enjoy working.  It keeps me sane.

I think my biggest challenge has been realizing that just like me, Ruby is sinful. And just like me, Ruby is in need of grace. By the grace I show her, I hope that she gets even a glimpse of the grace the Father has for us.

Grace is the only way I have been able to stay Christ-centered during this first year of motherhood. I honestly would pull my hair out if not for grace. I have to give myself grace daily. I'm not a perfect mom, and I know that.  It's okay to show your child that. It's important that they know that life is not about perfection, but humility in your imperfection. Going to Christ who IS our perfection. My time with the Lord has changed a lot since Ruby was born. I don't have 1-hour to sit at a table uninterrupted like I used to.  I get to work a little earlier so I can read my bible; moreover, I pray on the way to work. Any time I have that I can just be in communion with the Lord is precious. I think he has grace for us when we just make an effort.

I think it's important to know as a new mom or mom-to-be that YOU are the mom. Take advice if you want it.  Otherwise, try to take things that people may say with a grain of salt.   It's easy to feel inadequate when people project their [unwanted] advice and opinions on you. Ultimately, your submission as a parent is to the Lord, so seek Him. Read what He says, pray for discernment. He gives us an intuition as moms that is unexpected and so sweet.

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Katelyn W.

I am an odd mixture of a working and SAHM. I am home half of the week and the other half is spent nannying for a family, but my babe goes with me. I had been sitting for this family for 2 years before I had Emerson and when the mom asked me if I wanted to continue sitting for them the next year and bring Emerson with me it was kind of a no brainer! I knew I wanted to stay home with my child(ren) since I was fairly young. My mom stayed home and homeschooled me and my sisters for part of our education, so I'm sure that had some kind of influence on my picture of motherhood. I'm also very sentimental and don't want to miss anything. One time I was babysitting and witnessed the baby roll over. I wasn't sure if it was his first time ever to do that, so I just didn't tell his mom so she wouldn't know she missed it. I knew then I didn't want to pay someone else to spend time with my child. I have nothing against moms who choose to work, I just know it's not for me!

The hardest part of becoming a mother has been feeling like I am tied down. It's hard to have someone completely dependent on you. During the first 3 months of Emerson's life, it was stressful to me to figure out how to accomplish errands knowing I couldn't be away for more that 2 hours. It's easier now that he's not eating quite so often and is easier to distract, but it definitely still gets to me some days.

The change in my spiritual walk has also been something difficult about motherhood. My normal quiet time gets interrupted too many times to count, and most days if and when I have even a quiet time depends on if I get a minute to sit down and read or listen to something. Honestly, it's made me more aware of "living" with Christ. I am forced to pray and acknowledge His presence as I clean, change diapers, play with E; instead of setting aside a certain amount of time to spend with Christ. I wouldn't say these are bad or negative changes per say, for I am certainly more aware of God's love as a Father. Putting aside my needs and desires and being a mom is a spiritual thing in itself!

To non-moms/non-parents: Selfishly, I wish people were more thoughtful about hanging out with us. A lot of times we had to say no to things because they weren't ideal places to take a tired, hungry baby; or we weren't given enough notice to find a sitter. We said no to things so often that people would just stop inviting us to things. We probably would have said no anyway, but an invitation would have been nice. Because of this, and feeling tied down like I mentioned above, I felt very alone during Emerson's first months.

For moms to-be: Your irrational thoughts are normal! Baby blues and PPD aren't talked about in depth enough.  I did not have PPD, but I had some pretty dark and horrific days during the first several weeks postpartum. Once I was feeling so numb and lost and unmotivated that I just walked out of the house and drove around the neighborhood. I didn't tell my husband where I was going and didn't take my phone. Pretty stupid, but I wasn't thinking straight. I realized after a couple more bad days that things like that happened when I didn't eat. I had to learn to take care of myself as much as I could and accept help from others! What I was doing was not heroic at all. Prepare yourself and know dark days are coming and when you're in that place, no matter how dark and twisted your thoughts are, you are not alone. I would venture to say almost all moms have thoughts like that at some point!

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Ashley U.

I am a working stay-at-home mom. My mother quit her job to stay at home with me, and I knew that was something I wanted to do, as well. My mother is one of my best friends, and I hope to have that kind of relationship with my daughters. Financially, however, I am not able to completely quit work, so I continue to photograph weddings, engagements, and now families! I had another business before the girls were born, but the time I wanted to spend with them outweighed my desire to keep that business; therefore, I closed it down so I wouldn't have to put them in daycare. It was hard to say no to the extra money, especially since it accounted for half of my income, but after a lot of prayer, we decided it was a God-honoring decision.

Working from home with twins is so, so difficult. I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. Now my life revolves around them, and I accomplish majority of my daily tasks/work tasks when they nap. Praise The Lord for naps. Especially when they nap at the same time! My favorite part about motherhood is the fact that I am the only one who is their mother. When they are upset, they desire me. When they are hungry, they look to me. When they want to snuggle, they find me. I also find my heart melting when they giggle at one another. THE best!

Staying Christ-centered is a little tough sometimes, especially when others give their opinions on how to handle your children. I find myself reciting James 1:19 often, in my head. “Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” As a new mom that helps me; reciting scripture. It's obviously challenging to find quiet time with the Lord, but I find that right when they go down for their first nap is the best time for me. I'm awake and alert, and, more importantly, it is quiet. I simply read the bible - one chapter a day, sometimes two - and then I meditate and pray. It works for me.

Give yourself a break. I don't mean a literal break, although those are sometimes necessary, but a mental/physical break. Starting out as a new mom I felt pressured; pressured to be who I was before, without kids: successful, fit, clean, put-together. I strived and worked hard to keep up the ‘old Ashley,’ and it wasn't working. I still struggle with my perfectionist ways, but I have come a long way, and I thank God for His grace.

This is extra, but mother your children how you see fit! I believe God has given us the ability to do this. And when you just aren't sure, don't be afraid to ask for help!


Ashley is a talented photographer based in the Jackson, Mississippi area.  Check out her amazing work at Ashley Upchurch Photography. 

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Sharla L.

I work outside the home. I like being in a routine of being out of the house all day and working. And another factor was for financial reasons. I needed to work.

The greatest challenge of being a mother is balancing being a mom and getting house work done. All I wanna do is hold my sweet boy as soon as we get home, but I know I need to put him down and get things done around the house. It's hard balancing work life as well. I feel like some days I'm not being the best teacher I can be, because I would much rather be at home with Parker. There have been days where I don't want to drop him in his room at daycare. I would rather keep him with me, but I know I can't do that because I have to do my job.

I would want other moms to not be afraid to ask for help if you need a break. I should have asked for help and still wish I could ask for help. There are days where I just want to be alone and have time to my self.

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If you are first-year mom yourself, we would love for you to take a minute and answer these questions yourself.  If you have been encouraged by these moms' posts, take a minute to comment below and let them know!  It takes a lot to be vulnerable and share your heart and all of the struggles.  


1. Are you a working or stay-at-home mom?  What were the motivating factors for you to choose that route?

2. What has been one of the greatest challenges in motherhood this first year?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered as a new mom? What does your time with the Lord look like?

4. What do you wish other people (maybe moms-to-be or non-moms) knew about your personal experience in this past year?