What Even is Motherhood?

If you have followed along for any amount of time, you will know that I have struggled in amy transition to being a stay-at-home mom.  You will know that I created a series called Messiness of Motherhood which highlighted moms of all kinds.  While composing the series, I found a lot of support in motherhood and respect for the other roles that moms take on.

We have since had our second child, Piper, and it has brought on some new challenges.  It should be noted that I love motherhood.  I am so humbled that the Lord specifically chose me to raise Ezra and Piper.  I am truly finding joy in motherhood: joy in the insane complex crazy wonderful world of motherhood.

However, motherhood hasn't quite been what I thought it would be.  Of course, I am not even sure what I thought it would be like, but not this complex web of beautiful insanity.

So what even is motherhood?

It's messy floors and stained clothes.

It's cold coffee and dry shampoo. 
It's pajamas all day and cheese for breakfast.
It's falling asleep nursing a screaming infant and building blanket forts with a toddler.
It's crying on the phone with your mom for no reason, and it's forgetting to bring the diaper bag to the mall.
It's walking through the grocery store with a wailing toddler because you haven't opened the not-yet-purchased box of graham crackers fast enough.
It's only getting your left hand fingernails painted.
It's feeling like a failure because your kid won't sleep through the night, and it's feeling accomplished because your kid can throw his own diaper away.
It's singing nursery rhymes and children's worship songs without your kids in the car.
It's turning on any cartoon in order to get 5 minutes of quiet.

It's shutting yourself in the bathroom just to check your phone, but just discovering your child can now open doors.
It's throwing the kids in the car just to take a drive, with no destination in mind.
It's seeing the joy on their faces as they make a new discovery or learn a new word.
It's wanting to give up on parenting and simultaneously never wanting anything bad to happen to your child.
It's taking (mostly) only the cute pictures and posting those, but stashing the mess-ups because those are special too.

It's being the bad guy for washing his favorite blanket and forgetting to dry it before nap time.
It's saying you'd never let your kid do XYZ, and then letting him do XYZ.
It's trying to get out of the house but yet again you're already 20 minutes late, oh well.
It's talking to your child like he's your best friend because there's really no one else to talk to during the day.
It's a struggle to find the routine that fits and feeling euphoric when you finally tweek it so it's just right.
It's the mystery of making room in your heart to love your kid more than you ever thought you could and loving them more each day, and loving deeper with every child you have.
It's learning to be flexible and giving yourself grace.
It's finding mom friends to cry to and support.
It's looking into your sick child's eyes wishing you could take every ounce of hurt and pain and fever away if it meant they would feel better.
It's wanting to scream your head off because the kid has to eat something other than bread.
It's sacrificing sleep.

It's crawling into the crib with your kid just to hang out after naps.
It's reading the same book 81 times every day because it is what he likes the most.
It's a dirty house and piles of dirty laundry and uncleaned toilets and unvaccummed floors.
It's boogers and spit-up and bubble baths.
It's Paw Patrol on repeat (can I get an 'amen'?)
It's early mornings and late nights.

It's more cold coffee.
It's hard.
It's messy.
It's even more cold coffee.
It's sweet.
It's rewarding.
It's overwhelming,
and it's a lot more that's hard to convey,

but most importantly, it's worth every single second.

What's motherhood to you?

Messiness of Motherhood: The Empty-Nest-Mom

And just like that, our Messiness of Motherhood series is coming to a close.  Over the last two weeks, we have taken a look at the ups and downs of motherhood.  We have heard some amazing stories from moms who work outside the home, moms who enjoy staying home with their kids, moms who are expecting their first child, and moms who have journeyed down the first year as a mom. If you have stayed with us up to this point, you have witnessed through their words just how hard being a juggler of all things family can be.  And if you haven't had a chance to hear the stories I just mentioned, the links are conveniently l below for your enjoyment.  (A new page will pop up so you won't lose your place on this post, just don't forget to come back.)

I think it would only be appropriate to wrap up our series with the wisdom of incredible moms who have gone before us and paved the way.  Take a minute to let their advice sink in, after all, these are the pro-madres  We can learn from their mistakes and get right what they wish they would have done.  Be encouraged by their perspective.  I know I am.  (Don't forget to see the end!)

Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• Introduction
• The 9-to-5 Grind Mom
• The Stay-at-Home Mom
• The First-Year Mom
• The Soon-to-Be Mom

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These are the questions that I have asked our empty nesters to think over and respond to:

1. What challenges have you faced now that you are an empty nester?

2. What do you feel is the greatest reward of being an empty nester?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered without having kids at home? Does this look different than when you had kids in the home?

4. If there was one piece of advice (or something you wish you would have known while your kids were younger) you could give a new mom or a mom who feels like she is in over her head, what would that be?

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Amy M.

my beloved mom

Once the house was empty of the girls there was a cacophony of quiet, the silence was deafening. My life for 20 years had been focused centrally on my children, their needs, desires, dreams, and activities. I realized that I had lost myself and my relationship with my spouse.  It was an awkward time of not knowing who I was, of searching for purpose and of rekindling a romance with my husband.

One of the greatest rewards of being an empty nester is being able to see the fruits of your labor. Our children were raised to be productive adults not to be physically mature children. We never wanted to hold them back but to let them develop into who they were created to be. To witness the girls as dynamic women is one of the most satisfying things I can imagine. My husband and I get to laugh together of the memories of our little girls and all the mishaps and successes that came from those years. We get to hope together for the future of grandchildren and roll our eyes at watching our children “adult." It is times like these that I wish I would have listened to my own mother more and yet I know I would have done it my way regardless of the advice, then I smile and know my girls are just like me. That is rewarding too!

For me trying to stay Christ-centered is a huge challenge. With traveling so much on the weekends, I rarely attend church. The small group that I once attended has changed nights so I am not able to go. My worship tends to be time alone with Jesus in the morning, listening to sermons from podcasts, and singing along with the Christian radio station. It is all too easy to make excuses and to let the devil have his way so I must stay alert and cautious. Somedays are better than others. When the kids were home, we had a very set pattern and the flow of life was mostly a constant. I do recognize that when I have more frequent conversations with my girls they assist in holding me accountable. It is a nice turn of the tables, and is so greatly appreciated.

The one piece of advice I would share is to remember that you are God’s first, your husband’s second, and your children third. One day the children will be gone from home and you will look around and see that man you committed your life to and vowed in front of a church to love and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness or health, and you will want to make sure that has he has grown and that you have done so alongside him, not ahead of him or behind him but arm in arm all the while in the journey of parenting. By keeping Christ as the center of your relationship, you should have an easier time of becoming an empty nester yourself. Remember too that the hustling of a family is temporary station in life and that it is not the life. The hustling stops and life continues, and it is still amazing!

Even though there are so many wonderful joys that come with being an empty nester, there are also moments of heartache. I personally ache not being able to be a part of the daily life of our married daughter, she just lives to far away to make that a reality. I relish the few moments a week that we talk on the phone or FaceTime. I listen to the smile, the tear, the wonderment, the hurriedness, the concern in her voice as a wife and mother. I long to visit with her; to hold my grandbaby and just to be with her and her family. And, I am so honored to see how well they are doing life! That is joy that soothes the heart. (Oh stop mom, you're making me cry.  I love you)

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Janet Y.

my wonderful mother-in-law

The biggest challenge we face now as empty nesters is getting around to all our kids and grandchildren!  Visiting our adult children and 7 little (soon to be 9) grandchildren is both an amazing joy and a wonderful challenge! They live in several different states and most of them have weekend church or other job commitments. It takes special planning and sacrifice to work it all out, but my husband is the greatest “driver” in the world and isn’t afraid to drive us 900 miles to get those hugs, laughs, even if it’s only for a one night trip.  Another challenge is getting the kids together in one place at the same time. The kids love being together and we try very hard to make it work so that twice a year we can all be together.

My husband Phil, and I do miss all 5 children being home like they were when they were teenagers with their busy schedules.  For me, the greatest reward as an empty nester is watching Christ build our adult children’s spiritual lives.  Praying and celebrating with them as they plow through the really hard things and experience their own answered prayers.  I would encourage moms to keep the focus on Jesus and stay a “spiritual team” with your adult children and families even after they have moved away. Now, even as separate families, we still challenge each other and call on each other for strength, for prayer and boy do we laugh too!

I have always found that the best way to stay Christ-centered is to serve within the body of Christ to build up the church. At this time in my life God has called me to serve in women’s ministry through leading a Life Group for woman who do not have a spouse that joins them at church.  Preparing for this keeps me accountable in many ways: bible study, prayer, reaching out to share the gospel, serving in the community. And even though my kids are not at home, my calling is to pray and encourage our kids with the Word of God.  I will be an empty, sad example of a godly woman to the 5 beautiful young women I call daughters if I am not hiding the Word in my heart.

There is so much you learn as you organize yourself as a new mother.  To tell you the truth the one piece of advice I share with new moms is “tried and true," but it is still so important, and it is ask for help and accept help. New moms just weren’t meant to go it alone.  I read a lot of excellent parenting books during those years raising 5 children, and I followed my own sweet mother’s simple advice: "make it look easy."  She didn’t mean pretend that what I am facing isn’t hard.  She was saying to pause and move slowly and deliberately before you speak or act. Don’t flit around acting flustered and put out. Keep your self-control in check, be patient with your children as they learn. Guide and teach them with a loving tone in your voice and a gentle touch. Be firm when you must and mean what you say, and follow through. Be their teacher. In other words, be a kind mother. Love them as Jesus loves you. You are to teach them who God is by how you treat them, speak to them, and how you live.

Demonstrate for your growing children how to go to God with the everyday things of life, and don’t cast your children aside.  Teach them to thank God for his answers to prayer and to pray deeply.  For this to happen you must pray with them specifically.  Show them how to use scripture to pray.  Show them through the tests and the trials, the smiles and the tears, how it looks to follow Christ.  This is the calling of a mother: to teach her children well in the ways of God. With the indwelling Holy Spirit as your promise from Christ to guide, you will find success and God will bless.

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Tammy N.

I miss some of the busyness of raising kids and going to countless events. I'm sure that will start all again once grandkids are born. You tend to be lonely without kids when they don't live near and you only see a couple times a month.

The greatest thing about being an empty nester is getting to be intimate with your spouse at any time. I do have more free time to mentor younger women throughout the year.

I try to stay Christ-centered by using my free time to study, participate in more bible studies, mentoring, and having an accountability partner.  It does look different because my studying is now much deep and not so generalized when kids were at home.

My advice to younger mothers is to just rest as much as you can and fill up with God's word.  Be patient.  Take the time in every thing to say to your kids to share why and its biblical principles.  Kids don't need over stimulating, so just keep it simple.  It's about making memories by doing things together, not about what you have. In our house, any attitude was addressed in discipline as a "heart issue" and would be addressed with pictures of their action, writing paragraphs of right to wrong, and changed to using a concordance to reflect on 5 scriptures and journaling about their sin and behavior.

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Rebecca M. 

I have never regretted staying home. I have had various jobs along the way and I do have a college degree in Psychology, but having an empty nest is a phase to get used to. It is God's plan to take care of the family, and I did it willingly for the rewards of knowing my children would be raised by me so I could instill my values.  After 28 years, it is quite a jump to move into empty nesting. The first year, I didn't really know what my job was anymore. I have had to learn my roll in my children's and husband's lives in a new light.  Empty nest is fun, but it has thrown me into a crisis of identity, in a good way, but a whole new way of looking at life.

The fulfilling part is that each one of our children has gotten mature, wise, and to see their love for God.  They are teaching their children the same values, not just religious, but how to discipline. These are things that are so intrinsic, you can't place a value on it. I feel so deeply satisfied that I was able to be a SAHM.

Staying Christ-centered is a discipline which has had ups and downs through the years. Having children at home lessened the amount of time I could spend reading the Bible and praying. It was a juggling act to find the time to even have long devotions wihen the kids were little. I had to filter out all the suggestions that people had to do devotions at certain times of the day and develop my own customs and habit for reading the Word.  Some things worked and others did not. Being an empty nester now, I have an easier time and a longer time to enjoy reading the Bible and praying with no interruptions.

I truly believe that a SAHM needs to remind herself of the God-goal for her as a mother: The goal is to raise her children in the Lord. And with that, I had to remind myself of the value of it, because it was so demanding. I would ask my husband: " Why am I staying home to raise the children and keep this house?" I had to constatnly remind myself, so I wouldn't be discouraged. It is very easy to lose heart at the most demanding job ever!  I would advise that young moms keep plugged into the Lord's job for you: to be keepers at home, raise your children well, and stay plugged into God.  God is the one who empowers us and encourages us.

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Maria L. 

Being a parent of an adult can be tricky at times. I want to help my daughter and be there for her, but I do not want to interfere. I want to give advice, but do not want to be controlling. That can be hard for me because I can be a control freak.

Being with and getting to serve with my husband has been such a great part of being an empty nester.  Getting to just enjoy time with the love of my life is wonderful. That has gotten better since we have both retired.

We struggled with having devotions as a family when our daughter was young. In fact, we never mastered it. It seems like I still struggle with having a meaningful time with the Lord. I have a tendency to be legalistic and rush through time alone with God.

Balance in life is important. There needs to be time for a mother be alone. This could be a time for a mother to get recharged by spending time with the Lord. This could also be a time for the mother to plan her day or make a list. Be intentional and purposeful about everything. Plan fun things for the family. Make family time special! Remember that your family is the most important part of your life. Make special time with your husband. Be his friend and do things he wants to do. Be a united front with your husband when dealing with your children. Your children need to know that you and your husband are on the same page. Remember that you were a couple before you parents. Continue to have fun together.

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Linda W.

I do not think the challenges as an empty nester are all that much different than when kids were at home. We enjoyed every age and transition with both children, and I loved seeing them grow into adults. I think it helped that whatever the situation we always kept time for the two of us even if we were broke! It also helped that we had the 1st grandchild before we were truly empty-nested. Also, near my retirement, we started a retirement "hobby" business of taking groups to Europe. It gave us something to be excited about as a couple. At retirement from 40+ years of teaching, I did struggle with the loss of structure. Ron struggled with me being at home and him not. It was good that our daughter-in-law went back to work and I could help with girls.

We certainly made mistakes as parents, but we are at a place to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Within reason we can do what we want, and spend as much time with grandchildren as we want. Sometimes I fear that we might be too involved, but we love it. I think their parents do also. I have special relationships with all four girls. You have more time to volunteer your services and resources to church and community.

My advice to younger moms is that it is normal to feel overwhelmed. You are not a failure if something does not get done. The house does not need to be clean for children to feel loved. One grandchild said, "Grandma, your house is a mess." I said, "Do you want to stay home and clean? Or go do something fun?"  We had a great time that day. Do something you enjoy every day, and never go to bed mad.

I worked as a young mom. If I could have taken any time off, it would have been when they were in junior high. I wanted to work, and probably needed to. I think I was a better mom because I worked. My house and car were often a mess-as well as my desk at school! I missed a lot, but we were able to have some great experiences because I worked. Memories that will not be forgotten. Experiences are more important than "things." Traditions are important, but do not be afraid to change things up sometimes. Some of my colleagues became extended family which was great. I did feel guilty sometimes.  I am having a hard time with the older grandchildren getting too the age that they do not require as much of my time.  It is kind of like being empty-nested all over again. We may need to move to Virginia to be closer to the little ones.

Take time for yourself. It will not be every day, but do it.  I did not always do that, and I feel that it contributed to me being overweight most of my adult life. I would have been more content if I had, but felt that all of those other things in life came before me.

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Mitsy B.

I am fortunate that my children and grandchildren live near. I am able to babysit, carpool, or do whatever is needed when it is needed. In becoming an empty-nester, I have faced no difficulties in regards to having my children leave home, because I did my best to prepare them for that very thing. I'm fortunate to see them succeed in their chosen fields as I continue to work at a job I love.

I so understand missing not being back in the classroom. Teaching is a calling for most of us in the education system and not serving there leaves a void.  Teaching is the perfect profession for a mother: you keep the same school hours and holidays as your kids. I know it is tough in the beginning but hang in there. I was never cut out to be a SAHM.  Let this be your time to bask in the joys of motherhood without the strain of being torn to also be with your babies. I was fortunate to be able to be with both of my kids the first two years of their lives. And then I spent the rest of their childhood as a teacher and those years flew by so quickly.

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If you were encouraged by these posts, take a quick minute to leave a comment to let them know.  It takes a lot to be vulnerable, but especially to admit short-comings and regrets.  If you are an empty nester yourself, take a minute to reflect and answer these questions.  

1. What challenges have you faced now that you are an empty nester?

2. What do you feel is the greatest reward of being an empty nester?

3. How do you stay Christ-centered without having kids at home? Does this look different than when you had kids in the home?

4. If there was one piece of advice (or something you wish you would have known while your kids were younger) you could give a new mom or a mom who feels like she is in over her head, what would that be?

Messiness of Motherhood: The Soon-to-Be-Mom

The journey to motherhood can be so many things to us all.  I know for me, the emotions of the unknown and untimely rapidly stole much of my happiness for the first months.  You can read the story of my raw and real emotions in the (unexpected) pregnancy HERE.  However, there are no two stories that look the same, and no two experiences that match each other.  While some people enter motherhood through adoption and fostering, others welcome motherhood through the changing of their bodies.  Regardless, motherhood is a special role some get to play in another's life.

These soon-to-be moms have incredibly stories that are brushed with fear and excitement, anxiousness and joy, heartache and happiness.  Take a minute to read through their stories, as each one is unique.  If you are a mother-to-be, don't forget to stay tuned to the end where you will get a chance to encourage and respond.  (Don't forget the end.) 


Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• Introduction
• The 9-to-5-Grind Mom
• The Stay-at-Home Mom
• The First-Year Mom

Here are the questions I asked my moms-to-be to review and respond to:

1. After the baby arrives, what do you think you will do for work? Will you stay at home or go back to same job? What is your dream/ideal situation in regards to work/baby?

2. What has been the greatest experience of your pregnancy thus far? Has it been how you imagined it to be/what other people have told you it is like?

3. What are your expectations/fears of motherhood within this first year?

4. How are you staying Christ-centered with all the excitement of a new baby on the way?

5. What do you wish other people knew about your path to pregnancy/motherhood?

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Cassie B.

I'm a PhD student so it's my number one priority to return to work and finish my degree. That being said, I don't get many of the benefits that come with a "real" job, like paid time off or maternity leave. This means I may be potentially taking a month off, unpaid, after Baby B arrives. I will have to return to work within a few weeks, at least part time until Baby B can start daycare (hopefully around 6 weeks). This isn't my ideal situation as I would love to have a normal maternity leave to bond with my baby and adjust to motherhood, but that just isn't the reality of having a baby in graduate school. However, I know that these sacrifices now will allow me to better support my family once my degree is finished.

My pregnancy has been mixed with a lot of fear, excitement, guilt, and panic. Prior to this pregnancy, we had a miscarriage that really rocked our world. Most moms that have had a miscarriage will tell you that pregnancy isn't the same after that. However, even in the heartache and fear, I am grateful for the peace I have felt. My days are filled with constant prayer and longing with God, and I am thankful for that. 

I always looked forward to being pregnant, and although I anticipated a normal level of anxiety, what I have experienced since the miscarriage has been really hard. It almost ruined the idea of pregnancy for me and the carefreeness of it all disappeared. Now, I know pregnancy isn't butterflies and rainbows, but I was so excited to experience it, and now everything is mixed with fear. I was terrified to tell people we were pregnant for fear that they would see it as a solution or a quick fix to the loss of our miscarriage. That being said, the physical part of pregnancy has been about what I expected. The complicated emotions, however, those were unanticipated. 

My fears of motherhood in the first year include learning how to balance school and family, prioritizing God over my marriage and my marriage over my child, and finding a healthy balance of meeting my child's needs but not teaching them that the world revolves around them. (Thank you Cassie, YES!) I know motherhood will be a hard lesson in many areas of life and I'm trying to prepare myself that this will be a "learn as we go" experience. I'm incredibly Type-A, so being willing to give a lot of that over to God might be one of my biggest challenges in the first year. 

I want my child to see that God and my husband are above them. For me, that work starts now. Whenever I find myself obsessing over child care, or a registry, or what gender our baby will be, I try to turn to prayer instead. Our miscarriage taught me that a baby is not guaranteed, and I try to remember that on a daily basis. Now, to say this has been easy would be a huge understatement. There are days where I'm anxious, where I think about how hard it will be to give up some of my independence and my sleep, but mostly there are days where I just remind myself to be grateful for the present day, because at least for that day, I am still pregnant.  

My current pregnancy doesn't fix the loss of my last pregnancy. While pregnancy comes with joy and excitement and elation for many, mine came with fear and guilt and sadness over the loss of my first baby. It came with bitterness towards people who never have to experience miscarriage and who brag about how much they love being pregnant all the time. Yes, we are overjoyed, but we will also never forget the baby that we lost.

Cassie blogs at Sage where she reviews products she loves, talks about her road races and travels, and shares what is going on in her life.  You can read more about her journey through miscarriage and pregnancy on her blog.  

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Amber K.

Though I don't have a baby in my arms at the moment, I'm preparing my life, heart, and home for the arrival of our sweet babe, due in June of 2017.  I work as a bookkeeper at an accounting office. Once the baby arrives, I will take maternity leave and return to work when that time is up. It isn't financially possible for me to be a SAHM, and I am already struggling with the thought of going back to work after I give birth. Ideally, I would love to stay at home with the baby a few days of the week and work part-time at my job, but that is not an option due to the work load of my position. Although it will be tough, I find comfort in looking back at my childhood. Both of my parents worked, and I still had the best childhood!

The entire experience of pregnancy is great, but my two favorite happenings are: telling our families, friends, and pastors, and the the eight-week ultrasound. We got to see our little babe and hear the heartbeat. I cried and will probably cry each time I hear those pitter-patters.

I've always wondered what pregnancy would be like. Would I be sick like most women? What would it feel like? I had only heard people talk about morning sickness, so I wasn't sure what to expect. There are so many odd things that happen to one's body during pregnancy. After experiencing the first trimester, I can honestly say I had it pretty easy. I had mild nausea for about three weeks, and that's it. But the fatigue was not what I expected at all! No one told me just how completely exhausted I would be.

I try not to focus on my fears and expectations too much because I'm completely aware that I am human. I'm going to mess up and do things differently than others. And you know what? That’s okay.

All the excitement and changes that come with a new baby have pushed me closer to the feet of Jesus. I had a breakdown at work in the beginning of my pregnancy. Everyone was offering me their unwanted and unsolicited advice on giving birth, vaccinations, and breast feeding. I cried to my husband later that night, and he reminded me that we are the parents who God chose us to raise this baby. We will do what we think is best while trusting that God is guiding and protecting us along the way. Everything else, opinions or otherwise, do not matter. I will stay rooted in His Word and remind myself of His faithfulness in the last thirty years of my life.

What I want others to know about this pregnancy, as well as every big and small thing in my life, is that God is faithful to provide. It may not always be when or how we think it should happen (like thinking I'd be married and have babies in my early twenties; but instead, I married my husband when I was 28, and I'll have my first baby at 30.) He is a good God who - in ALL things - works for the good of those who love Him. I will never be the perfect parent, but with Jesus at the center, there's grace for the messiness of motherhood.

Amber has the most sweet and sincere blog at Wildbloom.  Follow her journey as she photo-documents the world around her, provides encouragement, and speaks truth about the Lord.  

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Joy L. 

Last year around this time, I felt God calling me to step out from my current ministry role and spend a season not working, but instead in prayer and rest. My relationship with God sometimes leaned a little too often on “doing” instead of “being.” In the midst of all the “doing,” I think I lost a bit of who he make me to be. My identity got wrapped up in my work and God began to speak to me very clearly about that. So I am still unsure what work will look like for me after the baby comes. My greatest hope for this though is that I will come to know myself by knowing the Lord because He has purposed each of us uniquely. My ideal situation is that no matter what I do is that my child will see me pursuing God and who he made me to be in the work that I do.

The greatest experience of this pregnancy so far has been feeling our little boy move. It's such a miracle, this life growing inside of me. Pregnancy though, has not been how I imagined it would be. For example, the amount of times I've peed my pants while sneezing, jumping, or laughing is a bit embarrassing.  haha! As I think about my expectations of pregnancy, I realize I didn't really have many before I was pregnant. I did think I would be a lot more sentimental than I am: taking pictures of my belly every week, keeping a journal, and all the other things new moms do. I have done none of these things. Ha! Maybe with the next one?

One of the biggest and sweetest surprises has been how loved and celebrated we've been by our friends and community. Sharing with my closest friends that I am pregnant and seeing sincere joy on their faces is such a gift and reflection of the community God desires for us-sharing in each other's joys and struggles.

One of my biggest immediate fears is that I will not enjoy nursing. I've heard so many women describe this as a beautiful connection between mom and child. I'm worried that it may not stir up those same feelings for me. I have spent a lot of time intentionally just trying to take things day-by-day though and not to think too far ahead.

There is so much excitement and planning when it comes to preparing for a baby and it can be such a distraction. Hours upon hours of reading reviews on which baby crib, stroller, and car seat is best can be a bit consuming and also exhausting. Also, almost everyone else has their own opinion about what is right and best when it comes to raising a child. It can all be a bit much and sometimes tough relationally when you don't exactly agree with the advice you are given. My husband and I have had to intentionally seek God together as we navigate our growing family. I actually think many of these things have led us to a deeper desire to know God and what he would want for our child. With all the change coming our way we are finding peace in the only firm thing, Jesus.

Troy and I have been married for almost 5 years.  We didn't want to get caught up in the pain of seeing negative after negative pregnancy test each month, so we left it up to God's timing and prayed and just hoped for the best.

Joy is an up and coming photographer in the Indianpolis area.  Check out her trendy and beautiful work at Joy Lane Photography. She's super talented with the lens. 

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If you have been encouraged by these soon-to-be moms, please take a minute to tell them in the comments.  If you are experiencing pregnancy or a different path to motherhood yourself, we would love for you to answer these questions to reflect for yourself.

1. After the baby arrives, what do you think you will do for work? Will you stay at home or go back to same job? What is your dream/ideal situation in regards to work/baby? 

2. What has been the greatest experience of your pregnancy thus far? Has it been how you imagined it to be/what other people have told you it is like? 

3. What are your expectations/fears of motherhood within this first year? 

4. How are you staying Christ-centered with all the excitement of a new baby on the way? 

5. What do you wish other people knew about your path to pregnancy/motherhood?

Messiness of Motherhood: The Stay-at-Home-Mom

After posting an article about my thoughts of being a stay-at-home mom (link below), I received a lot of feedback from moms who surprisingly felt similar to how I do.

While I absolutely love being a mom and adore taking care of Ezra, the life of a SAHM is not one I hope I have to do forever.  Some might call me crazy, but I really miss work, the hustle and bustle, the deadlines, the adult conversations, the peeing in private, and the feeling of accomplishment. That is only my personal experience.

I realize that there are so many opinions and experiences with being a SAHM, and I think it is important to explore them. I think it is important to learn from others' mistakes and listen to their advice.   I think it is important to have joy in whatever situation we find ourselves. That is why I have asked several women to share their own experiences.   Some may be similar to mine, some were literally fashioned to be the most patient and humble mother in the world.  We can all find encouragement and hope within their stories.  I hope you can read these ladies' experiences with an open mind as we all have different callings and desires in our lives. (Don't forget to see the end.)


The Series Links:

• SAHM Status
• An Introduction
• The 9-to-5-Grind Mom

These are the questions I asked these SAHMs to think over and respond to:

1. Were there any motivating factors for you to be a stay-at-home-mom? Was that always the plan? If not, what was?

2. What is your favorite thing about staying home with your kids?

3. What is the most challenging thing about staying home with your kids?

4. How do you stay Christ-centered as a stay-at-home mom? What does your time with the Lord look like?

5. What do you wish other people knew about your experience about being a stay-at-home mom?

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Faith S.

For as long as I can remember I knew I wanted to be a mom. My mom was a stay-at-home mom who did foster care and ran a daycare, so I really only ever knew that as “mom-ing."

When we decided to pursue foster care, I was working full time and continued to do so after our 3 children came to live with us. I loved having the professional time and then picking them up from daycare and going home. With the addition of our 4th child, working full time became difficult. She was a premie baby with medical needs and daycare wasn't an option. It was after about 3 weeks that a friend came to me and said "I thought you said if God gave you an infant you were going to stop working and stay home with them.” I felt it in my spirit when she said it. I knew she was right, I had committed to staying home. So Mark and I decided that I would.

My favorite things included chaperoning field trips (when they were public schooled) and never missing a first with Aislyn, I was there for them all. That's probably still my favorite. I am there for all the memories and all the laughs, and they get all of me too.

The constant-ness is the most difficult thing about being a SAHM. The very thing I love, I also hate a little bit. (Can I say that?) I'm a maid, a nurse, all of their teachers, a cook, and a housekeeper. Sometimes I long for the professional days and the validation of doing a hard job really well.

"Please give me patience;” “Please give me wisdom;” “Please, Lord, sew my mouth shut;” “Lord, are you there? It's me, Margaret" haha! No but really, my prayer life is pretty constant communication with Him. Daily. And worship music in the car. We love to worship together. They think it's dance party/jam session, but my very soul needs it. I wish I could read my bible more.

I remember thinking that if I could just get to this “place” as a stay-at-home mom with an amazing husband that my life would be near complete. And honestly, for the most part, it’s been a dream come true.

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Erin B.

I was working full time when I was pregnant with Brock. And because it was not paying enough to consider daycare, my husband and I decided for me to leave my job. I never planned on being a SAHM. I actually never planned on having children until I was a little older then 25, but God had other plans. It was a huge transition from going from working full-time since I was 15 to staying home and being responsible for a little baby. I was smitten after I had Brock and never missed any of his milestones. Knowing I'd be able to be there for my kids, made it more motivating to stay home.

My favorite thing about staying home with my kids is that I am their biggest influence. It's the greatest blessing, but scary at the same time! I realize that staying consistent is the KEY, and that can be SUPER hard most days! But it is such a blessing when I hear my kids pray or hear them talking about Jesus to random strangers.

There are several struggles I have and at the beginning of all of this was the comparing game. I was always wondering how other moms did this job and I almost eliminate myself from being "a good mom" because I am my own worst critic. It can be so so hard being with kids 24/7 because you truly don't feel like you get a break. I never get to sit around and do what I love unless the kids are napping, which has become seldom.

I have to be super intentional with spending time with Christ. Granted I do have a social media page (Anchored in Christ, @myletteredfaith, and Etsy shop) where I post devotionals from God's word, but there are times I feel like God doesn't want me to share what He just wanted ME to learn. Also, He doesn't want me to post on an empty tank either, so I have to really make time with the Lord a priority. I wish I could say I get up before 5am to do all this, but that's a lie. I stay in bed as long as my kids are in bed. If I do not get to that in the morning I try and pick a verse for the day and just leave my Bible open on my kitchen counter. Sometimes my quiet time is during nap time, but it's a sacrifice because watching a movie, lettering, or binging on social media are my releases from tension. I love prayer time. My wall next to my bed has sticky notes with prayer requests and bible verses that I can pray over to keep me focused. For my children, I do small bible stories from their storybook Bible and print out fun pages to color.

I want other people to know that this job is so hard. As a mom of a special needs child, I feel as though I give and give of myself to him. I have to make it a point to ensure my daughter gets time with me and my husband doesn’t get my leftovers. It doesn't always happen like that, but God has been graciously showing me that I need to keep Him my focus and that my love and humility will come out more than my stress and selfishness. It's so much easier said then done. But I would love for others to just be encouraged that if you see a child acting up in public and the mother is looking stressed out, encourage her! She may be literally pouring herself out to her children and just needs a break.

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Elizabeth T.

It was certainly not always the plan to stay home with my kids. I was totally sure I could throw them right into daycare and carry on with my career, but God had another plan. My work was creating friction in my marriage with long hours and childcare stresses. When I finally made the decision to stay home full time I felt this HUGE sense of release and relief.

I get to see every BIG moment and the small ones that are even bigger. I know their personalities better than anyone, what makes them tic, what fears they have, what makes them belly laugh, and I feel such a strong connection. I am able to make them feel safe while they navigate the world and explore independence. I can provide a more stable homelife and predictable schedule for my entire family. We have more opportunities to spend time with extended family, friends, and we can serve in a capacity that we wouldn't be able to otherwise. I am able to teach them the importance of Christ's work.

The most challenging thing about staying home: the constant negative self-evaluation we can give ourselves and choosing to believe otherwise. You must be able to laugh at yourself and with your kids over stuff instead of having tough days and whacky moments conquer you. Find joy in the moments. Other people can be harsh evaluators too such as husbands, extended family, friends and even random strangers, but you have to stay focused and serve the Lord and listen for His guidance and instruction. Don't allow yourself to become defeated and overwhelmed, you aren't alone. Reach out to other moms, have play dates, go to MOPS and storytime at the library and chik-fil-a! You can even turn a trip to Walmart with a girlfriend and all the kids into quite an adventure. Remember to see this as an adventure in kingdom work and see through the wonder filled eyes of a child.

I am a late-night mom. I like to include reading and doing devotionals with the kids. Our entire homeschool curriculum is based on scripture and God's creation, so we study scripture daily and talk about it. I enjoy having my own personal quiet time in the early morning during nap time and late night when everyone is in bed; however, each aspect of the day is filtered through God's plan for our day and allowing him to move and work through it even if it isn't our plan.

I want everyone to know I am not bored! I don't NEED projects or things to keep me busy. I don't ignore people, but the kids come first and demand my attention. Texting has become VITAL to communication, not because I don't enjoy a wonderful conversation, but because I don't want to constantly wrangle and correct children during the course of a conversation on the phone. This time can't be bought, paused, or relived. I want to cherish this time and it’s NEVER enough. People may worry about finances and the fear of it all, but God will provide all that you NEED when you choose to follow his call to stay-at-home. He has provided abundantly all of our needs, (not wants), but all of our needs.

A stay-at-home mom's life is specific to her and her family. It is specific to her personality and their personalities. Her day will look different because God has gifted us differently and we need to find a place to live fully in His light while serving in this priceless ministry of mothering and parenting. We are raising a generation and that is BIG work and that is HARD work, but we have the greatest instruction manual out there in God's word. This work is tiring but it has eternal rewards that never fit into a paystub.

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Amanda T.

After I had my first daughter, Addy, I went back to working full-time as an LPN. However, I just kept feeling the need to stay home with her more, so when Addy was 1, I decided to go to work part-time. It was going great, but I still felt a little empty inside. I felt like I should be the one taking care of my child. I should be the one seeing her all day, watching her hit the important milestones. I prayed about it and we were fortunate enough that my husband was given multiple raises after I quit my job.

My favorite thing about staying home is seeing them for longer than just a couple hours a day. They may drive me bonkers, but I’m pretty sure that is a kid’s purpose in life. haha! I feel like the most challenging thing about staying home is no "me” time, especially with a newborn. It was a little easier with one, but now with the demand of 2 kids, it's pretty hard!

M.O.P.S has saved me! The special time around other crazy SAHMs is just good for the soul! It's harder right now for me to have God-centered time at home, but at night when I lay in bed I talk to Him and thank Him for everything with which He has blessed me.

I have learned that being a SAHM is not for the faint of heart! It's hard! Like really hard! I never would have imagined that a 4 year old and 4 month old could have that much power over an adult! I wouldn't trade it for the world. God has blessed me with these beautiful, healthy children and I intend to raise them with God's love in mind!

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Chrissy N.

I never thought I'd be a SAHM! Once I got pregnant with Abi, my husband and I realized my income would not be worth putting 3 kids in daycare. We also decided the chaos of my hospital work schedule was not worth the time away from the kids. I love how flexible the schedule of being a stay-at-home-mom is! Not only do I get to care for my kids, but I also help take care of my elderly mother, so being at home allows me to take her to appointments. I love having the ability to volunteer at Hudson's school or to take a vacation whenever we want without having to schedule time off.

The most challenging part about my job is that I don't ever get to leave work. I don't get a break, ever.  I often have a short fuse and I have to remind myself how important it is to us that I stay home with them so I can be the one to mostly influence their behaviors.

Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) is a huge part of staying Christ-centered. I think it is so helpful to stay connected with moms of similar faith to lean on and get advice from. Honestly, my time with the Lord is often praying for strength as my toddler throws a tantrum or reading devotions while on the potty!

Being a stay-at-home-mom is the most rewarding job I have ever had. I stayed at home during the last year and a half of Mason's life. That is precious time that I wouldn't have had with him and I am forever grateful for that.

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Kristin C.

When my husband and I were dating, I always told him to never ask me to stay home because that was not going to happen.  I was career driven! I wanted a kid or maybe 2 tops, but having kids was not our top priority.  After our first child was born, I quickly changed my mind and loved being home for the most part.  It was a very big change, but I loved it.  Once I was pregnant with the twins, we quickly realized me going to back to work at a regular 8-5 job would never happen due to the costs of childcare. Now that they are a little older, we are home full-time homeschooling.  It's amazing what happens when God places things on your heart that are so far from your plan.

My favorite part about being home with my kids is that I have never missed anything. I was there when they first smiled, when they held a bottle, rolled over, took their first steps; but I was also there to watch them learn. As they get older, seeing the light in their eyes when something clicks, or they discover something is just amazing! It has been a joy to watch and take in everything that they have done so far in their short lives!

I think the most challenging thing is that there is never a break. It’s a 24/7 job that can be thankless and exhausting. The list of chores is never caught up and sometimes it can feel like the walls are closing in!  But even when you are in the trenches, I have learned that someone else is going through it too, so stay connected to other mom friends because chances are, they have been there too or heading that way!

Stay Christ-centered is tough.  My time with Christ is the biggest part lacking from my daily schedule. It needs to be the first thing that I do, and instead it’s the last.  Sometimes it is put off completely. Most of my daily time with Jesus comes from our school lessons with my kids.

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If you found these women's stories and experiences to be encouraging, take a minute to share your thoughts below in the comments!  If you are a stay-at-home mom yourself, take a minute to answer these questions (feel free to share in the comments so we can all be encouraged!) and ponder how much you have over come as a mom!  

1. Were there any motivating factors for you to be a stay-at-home-mom? Was that always the plan? If not, what was?

2. What is your favorite thing about staying home with your kids?

3. What is the most challenging thing about staying home with your kids?

4. How do you stay Christ-centered as a stay-at-home mom? What does your time with the Lord look like?