tidal wave of weakness

sipping on: i do not have coffee tonight, but i wish i did, but right now that would just be a vice for my lonliness. i can dream of sumatra extra bold.

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weaknesses.

we all have weaknesses, not to throw you, Reader, under the bus. i can assure you that i am no buoyant individual floating through life's rough waters unharmed and tethered to safety, though it may appear so from a far.   

no, certainly quite the opposite.  

i'm enjoying the rocking motion of the life's ocean while it lulls me to sleep enjoying every aspect of this new world: the sunshine, the animals, the clouds, the fantasy of it all.  even feeling as though this is how life, the sea, should be carried out, that life could not get any better and i certainly hope it would never rain on this aquamarine parade. however, out of no where a tidal wave of weakness sends me soaring into the sky like a bird without wings, falling hard to the now desolate beach while the weight of weakness splashes on my back like a whip, broken shells cutting my body.  i give in to my weakness just so the pain will pass.  for a minute, i welcomed the pain like an old friend.

foolish.

the tidal wave of weakness left me badly wounded and the beaches of my once so tranquil life have hoisted the "high hazard-water closed to public" flag, leaving me a stranger to my own home.  

homeless.

so i wonder the streets aimlessly and berate myself for being deemed a weakling, asking myself, "who gives in to weaknesses after being strong for so long? who breaks a habit after being free from it for an extended period of time? who DOES that?" the only response i could give my dehydrated self was, "well, i guess i do."  

the once measly floater who enjoyed the silky caresses life's sea offered decided to allow the tidal wave to displace comfort and familiarity instead of holding my ground or swimming to safety.  me, the one who, upon appearance, effortlessly welcomed the tidal wave of weakness's lashes of its misleading, ever gripping wakes. so without missing a beat, i sulk more and try to figure out how to heal the wounds, the damage.  

i remember what the tidal wave can not.

i convince the guards to lower their flags and reopen the beach so i  can set sail with eyes set solely on the horizon, cognizant of the tidal wave of weakness.

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but night ensues.

the sun sets and i am left alone in the dark abyss, floating, watching the star scintillate the night sky one by one.  and then it grazes my leg, a predatory weakness.