old self

5.01.2012 |

good morning!
good morning!
good morning!

warm coffee is coursing through my veins and the stress had melted off my back for the rest of the day.  i just finished my astronomy final and i know i did well on it. studying truly pays off.  last night i had a fantastic time studying with a group of friends at a local coffee shop, strangebrew coffeehouse.  it was a great opportunity to catch up with my new friends, enjoy fellowship with these jesus-lovers, and be held accountable while studying.  there were probably close to 10-12 people throughout the night who popped in and out to study and drink the best coffee in starkville.  when i say my favorite place on earth is strangebrew, i am making no false statement.
however, today i settled on the three region blend at starbucks.  i had never had this brew, so i decided to amuse myself.  to my not so big surprise, i loved it, it's coffee afterall.  sumatra may have a new bold competitor.  if you have never tried the three region blend, i think you should.
something is on my mind, and it's a pretty serious topic: my past.  we all have one; some darker than others.  we all have secret lives behind closed doors that would make others shutter if anyone found out.  we have all lived in darkness and constantly flirted with temptations.  we all have a past, but i need to be reminded that–because i am made new in christ–i am not defined by anything i have ever done.  when questions about 'who i used to be' vs. 'who i am now' arose, i could not help but well up inside.  my insides hurt, my heart broke, and it took all i could not to let the flood gate of tears break.  the mere thought of my past, and parts of my very recent past, try to haunt me day and night.

however, i want everyone to know now and forever more, that i am not who i used to be.  my dirty and broken past no longer has to cast a shadow.  my Light removes all darkness.  maybe this sounds cliché and a bit unrealistic to some, but i am not even the same woman that i strove to be yesterday.  each day i am being made new in the eyes of christ; and because of this, i am no longer defined by the detestable acts i  have committed in the past.  it is not that i have something to prove to anyone or want to be displayed in lights across a billboard because i don't need to please anyone but jesus, but reminding myself constantly that i am a new person helps keep me humble.  i know what my past was, and i would be a fool to return to such harm.  i know that if it were not for the awesome power of God working in me and through me, i would not be writing this blog post.  
my past is certainly nothing to brag about.  

"oh i did 'this' and 'that' and 'there's no way i would ever do that' but 'i'll do this so long as it isn't that or that' and 'that one time i even tried this before i did that' and 'then this other thing lead to these other things'......and i couldn't have been happier"

does that sound familiar?  it does to me.

your darkness could be self-motivation, pills, drugs, sexual immorality, eating disorders, desire of perfection, gluttony, drunkenness, jealousy, gossiping, anger, seemingly harms lies, physical abuse, stealing, lustful thoughts, etc....but, reader, those don't have to determine who you will be in 10 minutes from now.

be encouraged, the Word of God directly tells us that we are completely transformed because jesus christ died on the cross for EVERY SINGLE SIN EVER in our lives.  i hope i cease to take for granted the reality that someone, God's Son, died for me.  he took death, for me.

let's start leading transformed lives and stop pretending like we are magically changed.  let's stop letting our Past cast shadows on our future Light.

is your God not big enough to extinguish darkness in your life? 


  1. Renee, I absolutely love reading your stuff. Your passion for Jesus (and his for us) is beautiful.
    Do you have any book recommendations?

    1. Dear Anon,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my stuff. I know sometimes I can be long winded. I write so I can keep myself accountable, but if the Lord is using my blog to encourage others, that is fantastic! :) i actually DO have a book reccomendation. I just picked up the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore tonight. It is all about breaking away from old habits and your old life and being made new in christ, saying good bye to whatever is holding you captive and keeping you from surrendering everything to jesus! it's already changing my world in just the first few pages. A few other books I like are Blue Like Jazz, The Christian Atheist, Crazy Love....and if you want a novel-type book full of love, heart break, hope, and commitment, YOU HAVE TO READ REDEEMING LOVE by Francine Rivers! HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO!

      let me know if you decide to read any of those! :)

      <3 renee

    2. Wow, thanks so much for the ideas! I read Redeeming Love and am definitely gonna revisit it bc I LOVED it. And Breaking Free will be next on my list. I just read Captivating and The Sacred Romance and am learning so much about my heart. God is healing me and strengthening me and freeing me and I'm loving the journey.
      Yes, I think you're doing a great thing on this blog and I hope you continue :)

    3. AWESOME! how did you like Captivating? i was actually just talking to a friend about that book last night because he is reading Wild at Heart. i started it but put it down because i didn't really like it. i know parts of it are a little controversial or questionable, but maybe my heart just wasn't open to hear what the book had to say. I need to read The Sacred Romance! Maybe that will be my next one. I am doing So Long Insecurities by Beth Moore this summer! I'm really excited about that because i am super insecure about too many things (sigh, haha). Happy Wednesday!


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