defined by a relationship

5.01.2012 |

the only relationship i ever want to be defined by is my relationship with Jesus Christ

i am tired of fruitless relationships with an end in visible sight.  i'm so annoyed with relationships defined by the common interest of abhorrence to the same person.  i'm exhausted by relationships defined by mere physical standards and actions.  i am weary of relationships defined by common interests so soon to fade.  i am completely over relationships defined by take-take-take modes.  i'm done with relationships defined by people who think i should spend my time with this person or that person.

i'm tired, absolutely tired.  i just want Jesus to have my heart.  is that such a heard concept to wrap around our finite minds?
i have been in relationship after relationship and never once has one lasted, obviously. i'm tired.  for various reasons being everything from selfishness to crossing physical barriers, the relationship has failed miserably.  i'm tired. my heart has been ripped out of my chest countless times and i have actively torn hearts to shreds more than i care to admit.  i sadly know how i am and unfortunately am aware of what i am capable of doing to another person's fragile, unguarded heart. i am a vicious, jealous, passionate, selfish lover.

never in my life–before now–have i channeled my passion of loving another person into loving my all-powerful God.  what kind of fierce and intimate love affair could be formed with the Creator of the entire universe if i would just reach out my hand and and say yes?  well, i can tell you, because i am finding out first hand the realness of love.

i flirted with darkness for too long and had my "fun" or better termed "heartache," and even now, darkness attempts to steal me back.  however, i said "i do" to my Lover and married jesus.  it breaks my heart to know i am cheater even in times i fail to realize my dark intentions, but i try earnestly to keep my united vow to my jesus.  i know jesus would never break my heart, yet i continue to rips his apart.  i don't ever want to let him down.  his heart fills with joy when i return home from momentary prostitution.  the more time i spend with my beautiful jesus, the more i miss him when i have to put his words away.  as with any relationship, the more time i spend with jesus, the closer we become as a couple.  our relationship blossoms and the roots penetrate new ground.  my Lover starts to take control of my heart and all the more transforms me to reflect his beauty.  they say married couples start to look like each other after so many years together, well, i hope that is the unmistakable case in my life now and until i breathe my last.

it's as if we are dancing our "first dance" every single night, love and zeal and comfort wrapped up in each other's arms.  i don't sing to others, but to him, i sing openly.  every night before we sleep, he paints my sky with hues of perfection and i quickly capture his work with a flash before he wipes his starlit canvas clean.  he continuously molds my so very fragile heart in his passionate hands and i actively display it on my back for all to see it's guardian is He.  my marriage has truly become the only thing i can really talk about, the only thing i care to think about, and he is the only One i really want to spend my time with.

i am guarding my heart against anyone or anything that may try to cause my marriage to be on the fence.  i know how easily i can let people sing my heart-song and i know how easily i am prone to stumble in this way.

i'm in love.

is it wrong of me to want nothing more than to give my undivided attention to my Lord? is it wrong of me to want nothing more than to hear what He has to say?

i'm in love, for what seems like the first time, and unlike all my frivolous relationships before this, i know that he is the only One.

this is the relationship by which i will be defined

feel free to comment below
what do you tend to let define you?
what defines you right now, where you're at?
how can you make God your definition? 

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