stop looking for mr. right and start being mrs. right

1.10.2012 |

over some bold, homemade starbucks' guatemala antigua i am reflecting over sunday's sermon.  maybe i could title chip's sermon "my future husband portrays _________. "  and the blank is what i formerly would have filled in with nonsensical adjectives and descriptors like: "doesn't mind wearing short shorts," "can run a mile X fast," "has a nice jaw line and piercing eyes," "has a warming and loving family," "is a roller coaster enthusiast," "can talk for hours," "realizes the importance of bromance," "successful, humorous, financially stable...." the list of my ideal traits could fill a notebook front to back.   i often have twisted my brain into sundry unrealistic expectations and morphed my future lover in to a fantasy-like character who could never fill the shoes i've manufactured. however, those key factors, those elements necessary for a functioning, fruitful, forever-type relationship are not even mentioned in my "this makes you an acceptable mate" list.

maybe that is why i have failed, more or less, at every relationship in the past? oh, hey there, Reality. nice of you kick me in the face like that.

let me get back to the topic at hand: chip's sermon on sunday.

read genesis 24 for a brief background on marriage and Godly love, when isaac marries rebekah (which, can i just say how beautiful i think that name rebekah spelled with a "k" is?) and let it brew and bubble in your heart.

1. do not date (let alone marry) an individual who causes you to go backwards
-don't go backwards in anything, in your morals, your goals, and mainly, in your walk with God
-find a mate that is on your same page spiritually, and women, find a man who will lead you closer to God. and men, find a woman who won't cause you to stumble
-your significant other isn't a "project" to be fixed

2. find someone who has a heart of grace, of generosity
-it should be an evident facet in their life

3. look for someone who is pure in the eyes of God
-be pure in GOD'S eyes, not the world's.
-at the ripe age of 20-something, many struggle with the truth of regret. God says "go and sin no more," if mistakes have been made, confess and then be blameless.

4. find someone who is first and foremost submissive to God 
-when they are convicted, do they act?

this is what i have been mulling over for the past few days. more or less, constantly thinking about, convicted, interested, excited, and every adjective you could throw in to describe someone who's eyes have been opened for what seems like the first time.  instead of trying to find someone who fits my mold without hesitation, i should be focusing on being a woman of God who meets the above 4 criteria.

people get married and start relationships for all the wrong reasons. to name a few: money, success, to fill an emotional void at the time, good looks, desperation, etc.

it's not to say that if the person you meet has these 4 points that it is going to be a flawless, perfect romance in which the prince sweeps you off your snow-covered feet while trotting off into the sunset on a majestic white roan.  relationships, of any kind, take hard work and communication, similar interests and God's perfect timing.
(and believe me when i say i do UNDERSTAND that a relationship is much, much, MUCH more than 4 points on some measly amateur blog, but without these 4 deeply integrated roots of a person's being, what is there to physically stand upon?)

i have been in one relationship after the next since i had my first "date" (if you call your parents dropping you off at the movie theater and making out in the back row a "date") in the 7th grade.  a few more serious than most.  as i look back on a majority of my relationships, they began with wrong motives.

i am no expert at dating nor should i be the one giving relationship advice on how to make marriage flourish, but in my 22 years of existence, i have seen first hand what seems to work and what definitely trashes a relationship.  i know the rights and wrongs, yet in my dating life i continue to choose all the wrongs....every time.

it's time, at this critical crossroads of my life, that i start making my decisions based on fact and NOT on emotion.  yes, people can make us feel a certain way.  tears well up inside because of anger, blushing so much your face is burning from giddy, butterflies swarming your stomach from anticipation, la ti da we all have experienced the greatness and sometimes shallowness of what they call "feelings" and we all have acted upon them (sometimes in the best of ways and other times wretchedly).  what if we started acting upon the basis of truth and fear of God instead of being blinded by emotion and lust?

sip on that for some time.

stop avidly searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right and start BEING Mr. or Mrs. Right, because who said we weren't the biggest problem in any relationship we've ever been in? who said we weren't the one with flawed thinking? who are we  to be so high on our horses to think we are every man/woman's dream?

ah, and my coffee is still warm....

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