2015: a year in review

There were so many incredible things that happened in 2015.  There were several joyous occasions; however, there were a few losses sprinkled throughout the year.  It is nothing short of God's grace that we have made it through another year, and it is God's grace that will continue to sustain us in this new year.

-2015-

thank you for the memories

January

• Celebrated the new year by tubing in Ohio
• Helped with DNOW and went to the nursing home to visit with the residents

February

• Started the "Stories from a Missionary" series
• Was the Mississippi Women's Blogger guest blogger
• Valentine mission project with the church
• Celebrated Valentine's Day with Chic-fil-a and MSU baseball
• Experienced a massive snow in Mississippi
• Went to the MSU-UK basketball game in the middle of the snow storm
• The stupid BLUE-BLACK, WHITE-GOLD dress thing happened

March

• We found out that we were pregnant
• LOTS OF MSU BASEBALL!
• Blacklight 9-square with the youth group
• We went to Disney World
• Celebrated our 1 year anniversary
• Went through our first interview for a youth pastor position
• Went to New Orleans and thought about moving there for Mark's classes
• Got to see my cousin, Killian, win a horse competition
• Uncle Randy got to throw the first pitch at an MSU baseball game

April

• Got to see little Ezra through sonogram
• We went to the lake house with Bobby and Savannah
• My parents were featured on HGTV on Lakehouse Bargain Hunt
• My sister-in-law Amy got married to Justin
• My sweet aunt Kathy passed away

May

• We announced that we were pregnant
• I helped work an MSU track event
• Attended Starkville High School, Starkville Academy, and Starkville Christian School's graduation
• Hung out with my track girls one last time
• Moved out of our first house
• Played kickball with FBC
• My aunt Connie's friend Joe passed away.  He was like family for so many years.

June

• We moved into our apartment.
• Celebrated Mark's birthday at Ekie's pond on MSU's campus
• We bought pool floats!
• Started meeting with Carley for discipleship
• Went to Ocean Springs for another youth pastor interview
• Stopped at Traveler's Rest in Nashville Tennessee
• Went to the lake house and Mark and Dad jumped off cliffs
• We stopped at a national cemetery and UT's campus
• Went to Mission First in Jackson, MS and hosted a kid's camp and did yard work

July

• I got to visit the Red Coal Mines in Ackerman, MS
• We found out that our little baby was a boy!
• Celebrated the 4th of July with my sister and Mark in Starkville
• Mark and I were RED 4 leaders at Super Summer Mississippi.
• Got to see Morgan one last time before she left for Bolivia
• Mark built Ezra's crib.
• Went to Evansville for my first baby shower

August

• Mark and I spent one last weekend together in Memphis.
• Went to the Junior High Fall Retreat at Lake Forest Ranch
• Started my 3rd year working at Starkville High School
• Watched my best friend from high school get married

September

• Went to Memphis with Mark and Alex and did Memphis Escape Rooms!
• All of MSU's home football games
• Listened to Mark preach to the youth
• Had a baby shower at church
• Starkville High School had an FCA cookout

October

• Took pregnancy pictures
• My sister came and visited
• I had another baby shower at church
• Played blacklight dodgeball with the youth group
• Went to the pumpkin patch with Mark
• Went to the Senior High Fall Retreat at Lake Forest Ranch

November

• The staff at Starkville High School threw me a diapers and wipes shower
• Celebrated my 26th birthday at the grill
• Gave birth to Ezra on Friday the 13th 
• My parents and sister came down for Thanksgiving

December

• Hung out with Ezra while on maternity leave 
• Started running again
• Ezra turned a month old
• We went to Jackson, MS with Mark so he could take his final exams.
• Visited family in Indiana and Ohio
• Went to my first NHL game in Columbus
• Went ice skating for the 4th year in a row

Sleepless Nights to Draw Me Near

I was sitting in church today and between transition of songs, I quickly sipped some home-brewed goodness and smiled because I knew God was drawing me closer to Himself through things we had talked about in Community Group just moments before.  But then a tune came over the sound system,  and I rolled my eyes, cringed my nose, and said to myself, "I seriously hate this song."

You may know the song Blessings by Laura Story.  I haven't the slightest clue as to why, (maybe the octave at which it's sung, maybe the over positivity of K-LOVE radio hosts with this song, maybe the melody of it, maybe because it's overplayed) but I really do not care for this song at all.  It's not that I don't believe what the lyrics boast, because I do do do do do do definitely do.  I just.....I just don't like the song.

As the music started, I sat there impatiently, zoned out, and just wished the song would end, quickly.

I am overly emotional right now and having a sick baby which grants me only a few hours of sleep only heightening my sensitivity.  So many questions and thoughts bounced in the seemingly empty space between my ears.  They went from one extreme to another.

Am I  a good mom?....Do I really want to be a mom?....I am tired of being a mom....Ezra is absolutely adorable....I can't wait to have more babies.....Let's have 10 kids....I am exhausted....When will Ezra's tiny body heal?....I can't do another night of only 2 hours of sleep....I would never sleep again if it meant staring into Ezra's eyes forever....I don't like being a mom....Being a mom might be the single greatest thing I've experienced....I can't do this forever...........

Thoughts and questions like this filled my mind and the song continued in the background as I sat there zoning out.

And then it happened.

Tears, a steady trickle dripping large tear drops onto my lap.  A line to a song I didn't like and didn't think I was listening to cut straight to my heart.

"What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You're near"

For the remainder of the song, I allowed myself to hear the words.  I kept my head down in attempt to save my makeup, but I allowed myself to cry.


I am reminded in that moment that God has purposed everything, every single sleepless night (and there have been a lot of sleepless nights here lately) for his glory.  I am reminded that I don't have to rely on my own strength to accomplish the tasks at hand.  I am reminded that even in the sleeplessness of each night, I have the opportunity to cry out to an understanding God who deeply desires a relationship with me and "longs that we'd have the faith to believe."  At 2AM, I can't afford to neglect this beautiful reality.  As crumby and cranky and crabby as I can be, I can change my outlook on the "inconvenience" and humbly approach the throne of God because he "hears each spoken plea" and "hears each desperate plea."

There is no sweeter way to put my son back to sleep than speaking to the One who loves him more than I ever could.

Now I still can't say that I adore this song, but today this song has taken on a greater meaning and has reminded me that through every situation (big or small) God is in control and he has a purpose for everything and uses anything to draw us nearer to Him, even sleepless nights.

10 New Mom Must-Haves

We just ran out of coffee in our tiny little home, so I ventured out and purchased a bit of dark black nectar.  I ordered 16 ounces and was "accidentally" given 20 ounces.  What a sweet gesture for this tired mom of a congested tiny human.  Each day as a mom is a new adventure; however, donning the title of "mom" is no walk in the park.  I absolutely adore my little gem and life has taken on a completely new meaning now that he is here.  God is teaching me how much I must rely on him in this new life style adjustment; how no matter what I do, He is in control; no matter how hard I try to do the "mom life" on my own, I'm helpless without Him; how much patience I lack, just how selfish I can be, and how to function on minimal sleep; how my identity is in Christ and not my child.  While it is essential to focus on Ezra and make sure I am being the best picture of love he can see, I have to make sure that I am taking care of myself.  This might come as a shock, but it can be really overwhelming trying to "take care of yourself."  I am sure that might get some "amens" from veteran moms.

It's hard not to question yourself in the first few months of motherhood (and I guess I will find this out, but it might now be a lifelong questioning).  A new mom's very own personhood can get lost in the excitement and tiresomeness of mom life. Though she knows that her identity is in Christ, she may start to question whether she matters anymore now that all eyes are on baby.   It is easier listening to the enemy that says you don't matter and no one cares.  After all, she has never been a mom before and she is learning to cope with a new body and a new title all while making sure she doesn't fail.  It is encouraging to her that everyone is bubbling over with joy at the sight of her new miniature human and that the baby gets showered with endless love and care.  Any question directed to a new mom usually centers around how the baby is doing at night or how the baby is eating.  Routine is dictated by the little one as well.  I know new moms love talking about the milestones their little ones achieve (because I love talking about it), but from time to time, a new mom might start to question her purpose, her meaning, and she may start to wonder if people are at all interested in her well-being anymore.  I'm not saying these things because I desire attention or want to make anyone feel bad.  People mean well and new moms can be overly sensitive (or at least I can be overly sensitive and dwell on harmless comments).  I get that, I have been there, and I am still currently walking through this; however, it means quite a lot when people genuinely take interest in how the new mom is handling the new life, how her marriage is being strengthened through motherhood, and how she is growing in her relationship with Christ through this new season.  When a new mom is able to express things other than sleep schedule and breast feeding, you will see new feelings and raw emotions that were otherwise hidden.  If you haven't taken the time to talk to a new mom about how she is doing, do it, you might be surprised at her struggles and her victories.

I have put together a list of the "10 new mom must-haves."  If you know a brand new mom, I have a feeling she would appreciate these sweet sentiments and possibly shed a tears of gratitude (because I have done that very thing).  New moms, feel free to chime in with your own ideas.  These would be great to bring to a baby shower, a postpartum hospital visit, or a home visit.

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1. Ask if she needs anything picked up from the store ($-$$)
If there is one thing a new mom does not have anymore, it is a spare moment.  A new mom probably won't ask for help with small tasks because she doesn't want to inconvenience you.  Just tell her you are out around town and are swinging by the store to pick up a few things and wondered if she needed anything.  She might say no, and that's okay.  The fact that you reached out and offered will mean the world to her. Maybe just bring by one of the below items if you feel like wowing your friend.

2. Starbucks gift card with a new mug ($$)
Every human can appreciate caffeine, especially a new mom running on broken hours of sleep.  Fancy it up with a new mug or a bag of coffee for the house.

3. Silver bar necklace with name engraved ($$$)
Want to make a new mom cry?  Get her a silver bar necklace with the name of her child.  She won't take it off.  Click HERE to get yours.

4. Gift card to her favorite clothing store ($$)
Moms really want to feel good in their new body.  It takes a while for a new mom to love the skin she is in, but maybe a new shirt or new jeans will help her make the transition.

5. Victoria's secret house slippers and eye mask ($$)
New moms are going to spend a great deal of time at home for the first few weeks.  Receiving fuzzy house slippers is an unexpected happy and will keep her warm when the house is cooler for baby.  Eye mask will provide extra darkness so when she is asleep, she stays asleep until the baby needs her.

6. Creative journal with sharpie pens ($)
A new journal may help the new, tired mom stay focused and in the Word.  It is very easy to neglect quiet times in the first few months because new mom is extremely tired and any free time she does have, she will want to spend it resting.  Don't underestimate the power of a cute journal and new pens.

7. Loose leaf mother's milk tea, a bottle of honey, and a brew basket ($)
A new mom who is breast feeding will surely appreciate this thoughtful surprise.  Milk supply varies will every woman, but this tea will help guarantee a little more supply than initially expected.

8. Comfy and sexy panties ($)
All a girl wants is to feel sexy after giving birth and bleeding for a month.  New panties might honestly make her cry.  Just make sure you get the right size so she feels like she can conquer the world.

9. Printed photos of baby for office ($)
If new mom is planning to return to work, it might be a hard transition.  She may have fears about who she is leaving baby with for the day or just might not want to be at work at all.  Printing out a picture or two of the sweet baby for her to take to work will provide a level of comfort only she will understand.  Spice it up with a fun frame.

10. Lavender bubble bath salts with a bath pillow and candle ($)
As much as baby has cried within the first few months, a new mom probably could fill a jar with her tears.  It's a rollercoaster that with stretch emotions thin.  Give her an excuse to dive into the bathtub and relax with a candlelit bath.

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Do you have any other ideas as to what might help a new mom feel loved and comfortable in her new skin?  Comment below.