Cookie Cutter Ministry Wife

4.24.2014 |

Edited 9-23-17

I am sitting in my classroom which has no windows, though it does boast a 3'x3' sky light. Coffee is brewing in a single serve: Folgers black silk.  Something about "black silk" just makes it sound like a a spider, but a sexy spider.  I am on my planning period (first block of the day) and I am fairly confident I know at least half of what I am doing today.

One of the best pieces of advice I received before officially becoming a ministry wife was from Paula, the former FBC Starkville youth pastor's wife.  She said to me, "A lot of people will try to tell you how to be a wife in ministry and the things you need to accomplish in order to fill that roll. Well, don't let anyone tell you what roll a ministry wife should play in the church. Be you."

Being a cookie cutter ministry wife would seriously damage the Church, the local body of Christ, and fellowship with the women in my sphere of influence.

And I want to take a second to admit to you that I have sinfully judged pastors' wives in the past for not being involved in certain ministries or not fulfilling certain expectations of my own.  I have sinfully placed pastors' wives on a pedestal where they most certainly fell quickly and painfully from.  Lord Jesus, forgive me.

God created me unlike anyone, and to start filling jobs because that's what is "expected" by the pastor's wife hinders what God has actually called me to do.  In fact, there are no spelled out guidelines or rolls of a "ministry wife" in the Bible, as pointed out by Gloria Furman in the book "Pastor's Wife."  My approval is in God, not man, so Christ has freed me from meeting the (at times) ridiculous expectations of others. (Guys, you really don't want me leading worship or playing the piano, okay?!)  This is a call to fulfill your ministry, whether you are a mom, teacher, coach, accountant, business woman, clerk, dentist, nurse, doctor, student, or mechanic.  As a pastor's wife and a woman passionate about women's ministry in general, I must be focused on exalting Christ, my redeemer, and Lord from start to finish (Kathleen Nielson in Word-Filled Women's Ministry).  We must first be concerned about our own rolls as Christ-followers.  My aim, in anything I do, must be the glorification of Christ and personal sanctification, if not, I have missed the point of ministry and have glorified myself instead.  My roll as a "pastor's wife" is secondary to my calling as a Christ-follower.  Dear Christ-follower, be you, because God designed you with special qualities and unique gifts.  When you try to live up to a (secondary) expectation that others have incessantly and quite needlessly placed on you, you quench the beauty God wants to light inside you.

Even in light of the events with Driscoll, this video has immediate truth. A fabulous reminder to be myself and to fulfill my ministry in my sphere of influence.

1 comment

  1. Amen, friend. I'm always getting caught up in comparison with others.


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