My Needs and A Screaming Child

I love Christmas break for so many reasons: a chance to specifically focus on Christ and the glory of the cross, time off work, cozying up with family, typically an opportunity to roll in snow, and an excuse to ingest too many cups of coffee (but does one really need an excuse for that???)

I currently have the latest holiday blend in a festive mug.  It makes even the sleepless of nights cozy and warm and peaceful.  Grab a cup of your favorite brew and let's dig into a hard life lesson together.

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I was listening to the radio the other day and the radio host asked a rhetorical question for anyone who has been loving for at least a day.

"Have you ever heard a screaming child in a store or perhaps on an airplane?"

In my mind I am thinking, "or right in your own backseat?" You see, my sweet child was screaming his head off all morning for what reason is still amiss.  On our way to church, he was still crying and there was nothing I could do.  I felt helpless.  So when this question was uttered, I scoffed and had a sour attitude.

The radio host continued.

"A baby just wants to have its needs met.  As adults we are no different."  I just smiled, almost shedding a tear in realization to where the host was heading.

He was right.  My adorable however fussy child just wanted to have his needs met and the only way he can communicate that is by opening his adorable little mouth and letting out a gargantuan cry.

I want to focus on the later part of what the radio host said.

"As adults, we are no different".

My desire at that time was to have peace and quite, was to not want to cry out of feeling defeated as a mother, was to comfort my baby, was to not be in a crabby mood, was to actually get more than 2 or 3 hours of continuous sleep.

I, in the instant of hearing the radio, had one of those life-flashes-before-your-eyes kinda ordeals.  I was thinking of all the times all I wanted was to just have my needs met and I pouted or even threw a big girl temper tantrum when things didn't seem to be aligning with what I thought I needed: first break up of my life, my parents advising me to not go to University of Kentucky, being plagued by multiple injuries during my collegiate track career at Mississippi State, a friend group excluding me from activities and events, and even finding out I as pregnant (full story).  There have been so many, way more than mentioned, times that I felt as if my needs were not being met.

That is where I went wrong though, "...times that I felt as if my needs were not met." 

 

The most wonderful thing is that God knows exactly what I need: I needed to hear my infant cry; I needed to get out of a fruitless, Godless relationship; I needed to go to Mississippi State University and avoid Kentucky; I needed to go through 6 major injuries in college; I needed a peer group to exclude me from deviant activities; I needed to have a baby.  There are so many more back stories to each of these needs, but what is so cool is that God provided each opportunity and gave me exactly what I needed, even if it wasn't what I wanted at the time.  What is even cooler is that through each of these occurrences is that God was sweetly drawing me nearer to him.  He was pruning me aggressively: removing what isn't needed and providing what is.

While my baby is truly communicating through crying that he needs something, it is now a vivid (and loud and clear) reminder to me that when I start to throw a fit because things aren't really working out the way that I envisioned or desired, that God is actually working out and providing for what I truly need in order to draw nearer to him and look more like him each day.

5 Altars in my Life

I just got back from a high school youth retreat where our theme was "12 Stones."  This theme was taken from the first few verses in Joshua 4.  Gary did such a wonderful job of pointing us to God's truths in his word and applying those truths to our lives in a powerful way.  Very blessed for his ministry.

"When all the nation had finished passing over the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, "Take twelve men from the people, from each tribe a man, and command them, saying, 'Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very pace where the priests' feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight.'"  Then Joshua called the twelve men from each tribe.  And Joshua said to them, "Pass on before the ark of the LORD your God into the midst of the Jordan, and take up each of you a stone upon his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, that this may be a sign among you.  When your children ask in time to come, 'What do those stones mean to you?' then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD.  When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.  So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever." And the people of Israel did just as Joshua commanded and took up twelve stones out of the midst of the Jordan according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, just as the LORD told Joshua.  And they carried them over with them to the place where they lodged and laid them down there.  And Joshua set up twelve stones in thee midst of the Jordan, in the place where the feet of the preexists bearing the ark of the covenant had stood; and they are there to this day."
-Joshua 4:1-9

Joshua lead the Israelite across the Jordan River and as a reminder to future generations, he set up an altar of 12 stones. That would forever be a symbol for all that came by the pile of rocks as to what God had done in the Israelites' lives.

This was an incredibly meaningful weekend away from cell service and the every day routine.  It got me thinking about what things in my life serve as an alter to remind me of God's faithfulness in my life and to serve as a testimony to other people.

I came up with these few things:

1. MY TATTOO
My tattoo serves as an altar because it is an external reminder for me as to what Christ has done in my life.  I drew the picture that is on my back when I was doing my quite time and going through the verse Proverbs 4:23.  God was able to take my dead and dull heart and make it alive.  It reminds me of the verse in Ezekiel that talks about replacing my heart of stone with a soft heart.  It also serves as a way to share Jesus with other people.  It is a testimony piece.  When people ask about it, I am able to brag on God and all the amazing things he has done in my life.

For an in depth response as to why I got my anatomically correct heart tattoo, click reason for my ink and the human heart

2. "OCEANS"
You may have heard this song and may have heard it one too many times if you listen to the radio; however, in this current season of my life I am so overwhelmed at the unknown possibilities that await me.  This song soothes me because of the truths it boasts.  Listen to this song as you continue reading this post.

I have no idea what I am doing with trying to be a mom- nor did I technically sign up to be a mom in the first place- but God knows what is best for me and knows what I need.  So he provides.  This song reminds me to call out to Christ at all times, especially in the unknown times when I am so prone to run away from him and rely on my own strength.   There is a proclamation in the song that is so incredibly difficult for me to utter at times. 

"Spirit lead me where my trust out borders, let me walk upon your waters wherever you would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."

I know with saying this God will honor that and take me through seasons where I have to depend on him and go through things that might be hard and that is scary to me, but I also know that the reward is Jesus and that is comforting.  Tears fall from my face and the lump forms in my throat whenever I try to sing this song.   This is an alter because whenever I hear this song, I can come back to this season in my life and remember how faithful God has been and all the incredible things he has been teaching me: see Raw Emotions: Pregnancy.  3. BLACKJACK RD and MY SISTER
You may know that I ran in college for Mississippi State.  well, I still run (or woggle in pregnancy), but it's my passion.  One day in August 2014 I was running after work and talking to my sister on the phone (through my headphones, mind you) as I normally would.  We were talking and she made me cry while running, so much that I had to stop and walk right where I was.  She was commenting on how she didn't know what the heck she was doing with her life but desired to have a dating relationship that mirrored Mark's relationship with me.  I told her that that only comes when we are secure in our relationship with Christ and proceeded to ask her (and this was really hard) if she had ever surrendered her life to Christ.  I knew she knew the right things to do and the right things to

say, but I wanted to know if she had surrendered her desires to Christ.  Her response, "No, but I have been thinking about it."  The conversation brought me to tears, because I could see how the Lord was actively pursuing my little sister who I absolutely loved more than most of the human race combined.  Two weeks later I got to see my sister at our family's lake house and she was reading her bible and I asked her about the question I had previously asked her.  She said, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.  I already did that!"  It was humorous but joyous all at the same time.  If you know my sister now, you know that God has done a mighty work in her life and is continuing to shape her (as he is all of us) into a closer image of himself.

Every time I pass by that gravel spot on Blackjack Road, I am reminded of how God can take a broken and filthy sinner and make her completely clean and full in him.  When I go through seasons of doubt and questioning myself, I can look at my sister and she is a constant reminder to me that God is faithful to his children and he is more gracious and merciful than I can begin comprehend.

4. THIS BLOG and MY JOURNALS
This blog serves as a testimony to other people and a reminder to myself.  I have gotten several emails, texts, anonymous comments, and messages that have explained a difficult situation they have gone through and how the words on this internet page have helped them in whatever way.  I am comforted by that because it is all God.  I am just writing done what the Lord has put on my heart because writing is another passion of mine.  I tend to reread my posts from time to time and find that the very posts that I wrote speak to me in brand new ways.

I love going back in my journals to see what God has done and how he has answered prayers and brought me in and out of seasons in my life.  I love looking back to see what fruits have been produced in my life and how I handled specific situations.  I can just look at the journals I know I have filled the pages with scripture and truth and that is comforting.

5. PICTURES
Maybe you are like me, but one of the greatest altars or external reminders for me is something visual.  I love to look at pictures.  I know that when I post a picture to Instagram or Facebook or just keep it tucked away on my phone, there is a story behind it.  A lot of times I use Instagram as a place to pour out my heart for what God has been teaching me (no matter how crumby or messy it may be).  When I put a verse with a picture or explain the story behind the photo, I remember it.  When I search back through and view these pictures I am instantly taken back to how God moved in that moment.

I don't know what altars you have in your life.  Maybe it is a kind notes written from someone during a difficult time, a song, a voicemail, a person you can look at who lead you to Christ, maybe it is your favorite coffee mug, or a scar.  I don't know what it is, but I do know that having an altar is important to remind us of how faithful God has been in our past and how he will continue to be faithful in the future.  It is who he is.

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• What are the altars you have built in your life to point back to Christ?
• How are you continuing to build altars in your life?
• Why do you think it is important to build altars like Joshua did in chapter 4?

Raw emotions: Pregnancy

My love of coffee (or at least my palate for lattes) has returned.  My favorite drink right now taste like liquid cinnamon teddy grahams.  From Starbucks, I highly recommend getting a non-fat toasted graham latte with 2 pumps cinnamon dolce syrup.  Taste. Enjoy and then thank me.

Before I start writing, I want you to know that it is not my intent to offend anyone on the topic of pregnancy.  I realize that everyone has their own frustrations, complications, and feelings on the topic of growing a watermelon within.  I simply want to express my raw feelings for what they are or were.  There are a myriad of feelings racing through my mind daily, and I feel as if they change as quickly, as drastically, and as often as the weather here in Mississippi.  Please take my words as my feelings, and nothing more.  I realize that everyone has a different story.  Some are happy.  Some are sad.  Then there is my story: a messy mixture of fear, happiness, anger, delight, disgust, uneasiness, and the unknown.

I found out that I was pregnant on March 2, just a few short days before our first anniversary as a married couple.  To say that I was shocked and surprised is an absolute understatement.  I was bewildered.  I did not know how to tell Mark that he was gonna be a dad, because to be honest, I didn't even know how to comprehend the magnitude of it myself.  I didn't know how to let something like the fact that there is a human being growing inside of me sink in.  So I didn't tell him at all.  I just laid on the couch after dinner in between episodes of Friends crying in his lap like the hysterical, emotional mess that I was.  After no words would come out of my mouth, Mark simply guessed that I was pregnant.  Thank goodness he guess because I'm not sure I could have said those words out loud.  It would have made it too real in the moment, and I don't think I could have handled it.  He was elated, and I instantly fed off of his excitement.  I knew he would be thrilled, but there was this (I thought shared) expectation that a baby would be welcomed in our house after some two years of being married.  Well, welcome baby, you came early, and we are going to be your parents.

"The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9 ESV 

There are several emotions that go through a woman's head when she finds out she is pregnant.  For most women, I imagine they are euphoric and instilled with awe and wonder of motherhood.  For me, I was immediately terrified.  I couldn't imagine going through the roller coaster of peeing on a stick and watching those two blue bars appear without having someone to tell you that it's gonna be okay.

I know I may sound ungrateful and selfish and hypocritical and insane throughout this post, but there are so many emotions that I have had to process through this entire 9 month journey.


Surprise
Never underestimate the element of surprise.  This surprise led to so many more emotions that I felt as if I was going insane and needed to be medicated.  Ezra's existence was not exactly planned by Mark and I, which is beautiful in itself, but I found out quickly how human plans don't uphold but nothing thwarts the Lord's plan.  I find immense comfort in the fact that God is never surprised.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."
-Psalm 139:13-16 ESV

Sadness/Disgust
This is a real, raw emotion I have felt several times and I don't want it to mask any of the others, nor do I wish you to read too far into what I write.  There have been moments of absolute breakdown and ugly cries because I am sad.  My body changed.  My world is about to change.  It is never going to be Mark and I again, and as much as people tell me that it will be better than anything I ever knew before, there is still that element of fear and sadness that loom because I have never taken this step before.  Please don't think I am lunatic because I am sad, it happens, and maybe some people even say it is normal.  Yes, my life is going to change dramatically, I know.

Fear/Anxiety
As I have said, fear hangs its hat sometimes.  Am I going to be a good mom?  What about discipline in the middle of the grocery store?  Is the child going to like me at all?  What about other moms who don't do things like me? Is my marriage going to be a best friend relationship still?  What if Mark likes the baby more than me?  What if I start trying to mother my husband? Am I going to be able to handle working and being a wife and being a mom?  Is my body going to go back to normal?  Will this pain and lump in my groin ever go away?

I think the fear I have mostly is from the unknown.  Unnecessarily worrying about things over which I have zero percent control.  Simply just typing these questions out makes me want to cry.  I know there is no room for fear in the Christ-follower's heart.  Mark has encouraged me to start my day with talking to the Lord and telling him all my fears.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper times he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful.  your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."
-1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

Anger
My anger is selfish.  Maybe you're not pregnant, but your mental plan of A.B.C. didn't exactly check out the way you anticipated.  That's where I am.  I don't even know what my plan was, but I didn't see "giving birth to a human and living happily ever after" on the near radar.  I truly was angry, and it made me even angrier to see everyone so happy for us.  I felt like I was closed up on the inside, looked behind my emotions, and I had to put this mask on pretending to be just as excited as everyone else when really I hadn't reached that emotion yet.  I have repented of this anger and the Lord is faithful and just to forgive me of my anger (1 John 1:9).

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil."
-Psalm 37:8 ESV

Happiness
By trade I maybe should have been a mother in the first place.  In high school and throughout college I was always referred to as the Mother Hen.  I deeply care for those younger than me and want to see them make the right decisions.  I am incredibly protective, but understand that some life lessons have to be learned on your own.  It makes me so happy that the Lord has chosen me to be the mother of this little human inside me.  No one else, me.  He wanted this little boy to grow up in the presence of Mark and I.  He planned that.  He knew that.  That is comforting, yet also incredibly terrifying.  Me, I know how much I suck at life some times.

Anticipation
Currently there are five and a half weeks standing between this little growing human bean and the outside world (if he cooks until his due date).  We are anxious to meet this nugget and have tried to ready his nursery as best as we can.  I am excited, the possibilities that once grew into unchecked fear are now excitement and elation. The possibilities are endless.

Trust
After much quiet time with the Lord and seeking wisdom from the ladies in my d-group, these emotions you could categorize as negative were birthed simply out of not trusting the Lord.  I was not trusting that the Lord could handle my situation.  I wanted control of the outcome of my life, which is not how it works.  Now I know that the Lord's ways are so much higher than mine, and so are his thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).  I know that the Lord is going to lead me through this unforeseeable future of motherhood.  He doesn't expect me to be perfect.  He doesn't expect me to get it right the first time.  What he desires over anything is for me to trust that He knows best and for me to follow his lead. I don't have to fall into the trap of being the perfect mom, because whatever the Lord gives me in motherhood will be perfect for my child.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
-Proverbs 3:5-6

I am trusting that I will learn more about God's sovereignty.  I am trusting that I will learn more of God's deep, deep love for us, his children as I raise my own child.  I trust that I will learn just how much God cares for me as I will see how giving up a child could be so hard, yet that is exactly what God did through Christ so that I may live in eternal community with him.

"Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!"
-Romans 11:33

As wacky and messed up as my feelings may seem at times, I think I will miss the rib kicks, waking up at 2 AM because I lost my pillow, the inability to eat as much food as I used to, and oddly enough, the aching pain/hernia/ligament/lump in my groin which doesn't allow me to walk or run.  I will miss these because I know it is bringing something far better.  And for all the emotions I have now, I know there are far more to be had.  Through it all, I will trust in the Lord's unfailing love.

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Our story all started with a cup of coffee...

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Assurance of Salvation

My taste for coffee has returned.  What a blessing.  I still can not consume bottomless cups of black coffee like I could pre-pregnancy, but at least the smell and taste are not repulsive.  It has been a long 5.5 months without coffee.

I'm at 929 coffee bar, where Mark and I had our wedding reception, drinking an iced, non-fat, vanilla latte.  I am pondering over obedience to Christ, freedom in Christ, ultimate joy in Christ, and the assurance of salvation.

Has doubt ever crept into your mind and festered there to where it has bothered you so much?  Maybe it was about his goodness and faithfulness.  Maybe it was about God's promises for your life or his word.  Maybe, if yo hare like me, doubts creep in about your salvation.

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."
-Ephesians 1:13

Doubts aren't necessarily a bad thing if they cause you to cling closer and harder to Christ.  In spite of doubt, you know God's truths but it's hard to take accept it some times.

God promises that we are his children when we believe that we are in need of a savior because we are a fallen people.  When we believe that Jesus Christ, his perfect Son, is that savior who died a criminal's death in our place, we are counted as his heirs.  When we repent of our sins and turn to Jesus for that redemption, we are his children.  We are to believe into the saving grace of Jesus Christ, trust that Christ's plan for our lives is better and far more rewarding that anything this world could offer.

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved-and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kinds toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand."
-Ephesians 2:4-10

However, doubt still creeps in.  We know we believe, but why would God allow this doubt to spring into our lives.  Perhaps it is to wake us up and strive for a more intimate relationship with Christ.  Maybe it is God himself opening our eyes and calling us to himself for the first time.  Maybe it is revealing that we truly care where our relationship with Christ rests.  Sometimes we tend to become anxious about the things we care about most, and a relationship with Christ could be the same.  It could be the enemy trying earnestly to squelch our passion for Christ and discourage us from living set apart lives.

When I doubt, I cling to God's word.  I examine my own life and remember who I was without Christ.  I look at my sister, who surrendered her life to Christ in the Fall of 2014.  She is a beautiful reminder of God's promises and grace and transforming power.

Regardless of this, doubt is a part of the Christian walk.  We can see examples of doubt in some of the people who loved Jesus most: Peter, Thomas, and James the brother of Jesus.

Jesus, however, drew them closer to himself and showed each one of them that He was better than the world had to offer, that He was the true Messiah, that He was worthy of putting all of their trust in.

So if you ever doubt, here are some comforting verses straight from God's word which is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.

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"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
-Philippians 1:6

That is a promise.  He will.

"I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life."
-1 John 5:13

God provides us reassurance that we have eternal life when we believe in the name of the Son of God (Jesus).  Eternal life isn't a distant concept, but a here-and-now reality as we walk in obedience for the pursuit of enjoying Jesus more deeply.

"...who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ."
-1 Corinthians 1:8

Those who God has saved, he will keep.  His Holy Spirit provides that power, not you and your own purposing.

"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit himself bears witness with out spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and fellows heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
-Romans 8:14-17

We could not (and would not) cry out to Jesus in an intimate way such a Father if we were not united with Christ by the grace of God.

"And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."
-Romans 8:30

The only thing you can do with this verse is marvel in the omniscience of the Lord.  If Jesus knows you will be saved, he is not going to let you slip away.

"And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you.  Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.  While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me.  I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled."
-John 17:11-12

Jesus prays for us that we would be one as Jesus and God are one.  Jesus and his saving power keeps us for all time when we surrender our ambitions to him.  This is believing in Christ.

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."
-1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

If it is Jesus who saves us, it is Jesus who keeps us.  He is faithful.  That is a promise.

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
-Jude 24-25

God is the only one who is able to keep us and he will keep us when we surrender our lives.  In fact, it is HIS JOY to present us to God as holy and blameless.

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I hope these verses remind you of the great love that God has lavished on us.  If you are experiencing a season of doubt, cling to Jesus.  There is something that Jesus will teach you through this storm.  He is the one who will keep you until the end.  If you have never surrendered your life to Christ, what is stopping you?  There is an unmatched joy rooted in Christ.

Finding Rest

When we think of the word “rest,” many of us would jump to the same conclusion: a week-long vacation, a day off work, a night without the kids, or a morning of sleeping in.  We could probably even recall a few bible verses defined by rest.  We typically desire rest more than we get it, but why? This is partially because of our unwillingness to unplug from the world and plug in to Jesus; however, maybe it’s partly due to the stressors of this world that we allow to cloud our already anxious minds.  If you are anything like me, you can admit this is true.  More often than not, rest is a foreign concept to us because we fail to follow in Christ’s footsteps.  

Our relational God created the entire universe in six days, and on the seventh day he rested.  Did we miss this prominent detail in Genesis 2?  God rested.  If God thinks it’s imperative to find rest, so should we.  He gave you and I an example to follow in the stillness of his creation.  In God’s rest, he never stopped being God.  Likewise, in your rest, you don’t stop being a spouse, a friend, a parent, an employee, or a child of God.  

Living in a city where a university dictates a majority of our schedules, we feel the desire to get away from the day to day grind as summer approaches.  For a school teacher like myself, the countdown is on until a break away from students arrives.  Summer comes with all its splendor, but then I find myself anxious about what the next school year will hold.  I find myself harping on the fact that the number of days until I have to return to work is dwindling daily.  A number of unending questions flood my mind and leave me in anything but a state of solitude.  Can you relate?

Summer is now in full swing.  Summer is deemed a time of rest, but when I look around, summer seems to be busier than any other part of the year: send the kids to back-to-back camps, try to volunteer at a few events, plan a family vacation, attend weddings, move into a new house, visit family.  Life isn’t slowing down for any of us, but God’s example and command to rest has not and will never be retracted.   

So where do we find rest? If we could tap into each other’s conversations, a vacation is what we all plan to get away from the real world, but do we really need a vacation to rest?  Maybe.  There certainly are wonderful familial memories formed over a week at the beach which can leave us mentally and physically recharged for the weeks to come.  In fact, I like to travel when the opportunity presents itself; however, if vacation after vacation is all we have planned and we leave God out of our vacation, we might fail to see what we truly need to feel rested and rejuvenated: spiritual rest.

How we find spiritual rest:

1. Surrender to Christ’s authority
2. Seek Christ wholeheartedly
3. Serve others

SURRENDER TO CHRIST’S AUTHORITY

Hebrews 4:9-11 tells us that we must enter into rest.  

“So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, forever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his.  Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.”  

The only way we can hope to enter into spiritual rest is first surrendering our lives to Christ.  Lack of rest can come from the perpetual bondage of sin.  

Romans 6:6-11 reminds us that without Christ, we are nothing but slaves to our sin nature.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.  For one who has died has been set free from sin.  How if we have died with Christ, we believer that we will also live with him.  We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.  For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God.  So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus."    

Christ willingly died on the cross and absorbed every single sin we have or ever will commit to demonstrate his love for us.  Romans 5:8 tells us, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  He took on our punishment for our disobedience to a holy God.  He physically rose from the dead conquering our sin and breaking ever chain of sin that could hinder our relationship with him.  John 3:16-18 reminds us of this truth. 

“For God so loved the world, the he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.”

For those who have surrendered their lives to the will of Christ, this is true.  This is the beginning of spiritual rest.  

SEEK CHRIST WHOLEHEARTEDLY

Breaks in our work schedule or away from the kids are (more often than not) gladly welcomed, but if we don’t use that opportunity to seek Christ in stillness, the Word, or prayer, we will miss out on opportunities to know Christ deeper.  Our days fill up before we have had our morning cup of coffee, and it seems like the day ends before we have the chance to take a breath.  Romans 3:10-11 reminds us of the reality that we often choose not to seek God. The last thing we might desire at the end of a chaotic day would be to sit down, read, and do more thinking, but to find rest, this is imperative.  

“No one is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.”

The time we do have free should be used to seek the Lord in stillness, in his Word, and in prayer.  He will always show himself faithful.  If we do seek the Lord, Deuteronomy 4:29 tells us that we will find Him.  Finding Christ is what we have to be after because in Him only is there rest.

“But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.”  

This is an opportunity to wholeheartedly listen to what he would desire of you.  An opportunity to get away from the chaos around us and spend with the only One who can give us peace.  When we gladly approach God, we are able to recharge and refocus our minds on Christ.  We cannot be forced to seek Him.  We cannot be half-hearted and lukewarm about it.  We must jump all in to find rest in Christ.  

Psalm 63:1 depicts the kind of longing with which we need to seek Christ.  

“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you;my flesh faints for you,as in a dry and weary land where there in no water.”

When we have been beat down by the world around us and willingly seek Christ and His goodness, we are gifted with supreme rest in Christ as Hebrews 11: 6 states.

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him”

Without seeking Christ, rest will remain a foreign concept.

SERVE OTHERS

It is unnatural for us to want to give of ourselves when we feel as if all of our being has been depleted.  When we are in need of rejuvenation, serving others is probably the last thing we would desire.  However, if we miss out on serving those around us, we miss out on the divine rest given to us by Christ.  Mark 10:45 declares that Jesus’s life was dedicated to serving people in love.  We know Jesus to be full of rest and peace in God.  If Jesus set an example of serving others, we should follow in his holy footsteps.  

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

As a Christ-follower, when we serve others, we serve Christ.  When we walk in a manner worthy of our calling, the darkness that causes a lack of rest in our hearts is expelled.  Isaiah 58:10 tells us that truth.

“If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.”

Colossians 3:23-24 also reminds us of that truth.  

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ.”

When we give of ourselves in service to others, God blesses our efforts.  We are reminded in 2 Corinthians 9:7-8 that Christ supplies every need of ours.  For most of us, what we desperately need is a lot more rest.  God is the only one who is able to provide lasting rest. 

“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, no reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency  in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”  

Through volunteering for a mission trip or vacation bible school, serving in sunday school ministry or Christian Women’s Job Corp; or giving of yourself in hospitality or financially may seem burdensome and taxing, if you have ever experienced this, you know that there is nothing more rewarding or life-giving than serving as Christ serves.  How ever you are serving, serve well.

For the one who gives, satisfaction in Christ and rest are a result.

__________________________________

Though summer is hectic and rest may have escaped us, we can always find rest in the presence of Christ.  Matthew 11:28-29 says, 

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

By surrendering our lives to Christ and giving ourselves over to his authority, we can experience the ultimate peace of Christ in our lives because we have relinquished control to an all-knowing, ever-loving, good God.  Seeking Christ in prayer and in his Word is another way that we get to experience rest.  God promises that we will find him when we seek him with all of our strength.  Serving others in love with the purpose of glorifying Christ brings an unexplainable rest into our lives.  Surrendering, seeking, and serving are not meant to be one-time experiences.  We can have an everlasting rest in Christ when we recognize that our lives are not our own, and when we use them to know more of God’s character and to emulate him.   

QUESTIONS TO SEE IF YOU'RE IN NEED OF REST:

1. Have you surrendered your life to Christ?
2. Do you have a daily quiet time in the Bible and in prayer? 
3. Do you get excited about having a daily quiet time in the Bible and in prayer?
4. Do you speak encouraging words more than you complain?
5. Do you cheerfully support the Church financially?
6. Have you served the Church in the past 3 months?
7. Do you use your free time to invest in other people?
8. Do you look forward to daily tasks at work more than the end of the day?
9. Do you look forward to each day more than vacation?
10. Have you recently taken a family vacation with the intent of finding solitude?

If you have answered ‘NO’ to any one of these questions, you may need to ask God to search your heart and find rest.  

Here

I'm still here

Maybe just not a reality here

Things are changing 

Unaware

I want to be excited

Trusting God

Or rather trying

Unknown

Anxiety filled

Support from all

Secrets linger

All

Inside

My head

But I'm still here

More to come

Soon.

Brokenness in Sexual Impurity on GIRL REPURPOSED

Today I am over at Girl Repurposed talking about how the sexual impurity in my life led me to surrendering my life to Jesus. If you are struggling with sexual impurity or have struggled with that in the past, this is a must-read.  I have found healing and freedom in the truth and purpose of Jesus Christ.

Read my story HERE

Plant | Water | Grow: Shame in not Sharing the Gospel?

Grab a hot cup of your favoritest coffee, put on your biblical lenses, and lets dig into this together.  A few weeks ago, I felt as small as a piece of dust.  No really, I felt disrespected and so unloved.  I felt shamed and guilty for not doing something apparently I should have been doing and thought I was doing: sharing the gospel.

I think there is this thinking that if you aren't always sharing the gospel with someone then God won't love you.  That notion can not be farther from the truth.

The Lord has given us different gifts and talents, and therefore, we use them accordingly.  

I have a very outgoing personality in a small setting, but put me in a room full of 20 people who I don't know, and I clam up like an oyster.  I am frightened easily and hate conflict with bold personalities. My gift is encouraging and leading, with a humongo emphasis on encouraging.

As a Christ-follower, yes, our job is to share the gospel with those around us; but to be angry at the Church because the Church isn't sharing the gospel and to be angry at Christ-followers and to refuse to engage with Christ-followers because you don't SEE them sharing the gospel on a daily basis is wrong.  

As a Christ-follower, yes, your job is to be a part of the Church, to serve the Church.  You exist to serve the Church, the Bride of Christ, the Church is not an ends to serve you.

As I was sharing these sentiments with my mother-in-law, she looked at me and passionately said these comforting words:

"You should not feel guilty if you don't get to share the complete gospel presentation every day when you are living a consistent life in a world of unbelief and confusion."

I thought about those words and couldn't agree more.  What is weird is to see someone who says they are a Christ-follower, and then actually see them loving others the way Christ would and obeying the commands that Christ commands of them.  That is so challenging in today's world, because so many people cozy up in "cultural Christianity."  When other people see the obvious consistency in the Christ-follower's life, and the consistent decline of worldly activities, that's when you make an impact on an unbelieving world.

My mother-in-law passionately continued on:

"The Holy Spirit is in you, it is your gift from God to do whatever he has for you.  For me, I am on the phone all day with my lost peers.  I can't be constantly presenting the Gospel while being required to get work done, so I rest in knowledge and the power of the Holy Spirit that lives in me that as I listen to them and as I respond to their conversation as we share our life, like, "how was your day? how was your day..." I can share how God is working or I say I am praying for that and to God be the glory.  I do not know how my words are playing out and how the Holy Spirit is multiplying that in their life."  

I love the verse 1 Corinthians 3:6 which says,

"I planted, Apollos waters, but God gave the growth."

So should I be sharing the gospel and take those opportunities when they present, ABSOLUTELY! but should I be shamed and feel guilty when I am not sharing? Never.

I am in no way justifying not sharing the gospel or shying away from opportunities to share the gospel: both of those are sins and we need to boldly take those opportunities.  The great commission is the last command given to us by Jesus.  That IS our purpose in life, but it is also our purpose that we live a consistent life.  You might be the waterer, you might be the planter.

What I am trying to say, is that if you are living a sacrificial life, by daily taking up your cross, dying to yourself, and following Christ, you should not shame yourself or allow anyone else to shame you for not sharing the gospel.  Your life and the way you live it, speak volumes to an unbelieving world.

Take the opportunities to share the gospel, build one another up in love, live a life worthy of your calling.

1 Thessalonians 5:11-14

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up just as you are doing.  We ask you brothers to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work.  Be at peace among yourselves.  and we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all."

Ephesians 4:1-3

I therefore a prisoner for the Lord urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

I would love to hear your insight and feedback.  

Have you ever been shamed or made to feel guilty for not sharing the gospel?  

Have you ever shied away from opportunities? (I have)

God's Control and My Freedom

The phrase, "God is in control of everything" is challenging to me because I like to dot my i's and cross my t's myself.  I like to do everything and plan everything and vocalize everything and and and.....

But

The reality that "God is in control of everything" is comforting because it takes the unnecessary pressure off of me and glorifies the lord. 

As I was reading in 1 Samuel 1:21-2 I visible saw how the Lord is in control and we are not.

Our Birth: verse 21

Indeed the Lord visited Hannah, and she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters.  and the boy Samuel grew in the presence of the Lord.

See Job 12:10 and Psalm 139:13-16

Our salvation: chapter 2:1

My heart exults in the Lord, my horn is exalted in the Lord.  My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation.

See Ephesians 1:11 and John 14:6 and John 3:16

Our protection: verse 9

He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall man prevail.

See 1 Corinthians 10:13 and Romans 8:31

Our knowledge of God: verse 12

Now the sons of Eli were worthless men.  They did not know the Lord.

See 1 John 2:5 and Psalm 46:10

Our lives: verse 25

If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?  But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death.

See Proverbs 16:9 and Romans 9:21

These verses are challenging enough if you just read them by themselves, but I challenge you to read it in context and as a whole.  They seem like they can come off harsh (especially 1 Samuel 2:25), but God is sovereign over everything and everything is for our benefit and for his glory (Romans 8:28).  We have to keep our biblical lenses on and not judge whether WE think something is fair or not.    His ways are SO much higher than our ways, and his thoughts are SO much higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-11)

I have learned that true freedom comes in relinquishing control to the Lord.  I recognize that I can't control as much (or anything) as I would like too.  It is easy to say that we have completely surrendered our lives to Christ, but then try to control finances, or a relationship, or our children, or a job, or..... I know this because I have tried to control lots of things in my life since becoming a Christ-follower.   

It is comforting that my birth or the future births of my children is not up to me. I would screw that one up.

It is comforting that I don't have to DO anything to be saved, that my salvation rests in Christ alone. That would be tiring.

It is comforting that the Lord is protecting me, even when I don't realize it. I would be dead by now.

It is comforting that knowing God deeper is by God's provision. 

It is comforting to know that my life and everything that happens in my life is not solely up to me, it is up to God, the author and perfecter of my faith, the one who called me out of darkness, the one I strive to live for and bring glory to him.  

How have you seen God working in your life and revealing his sovereignty to you?

929 Coffee Bar: Our Wedding Reception

Next Sunday is our first wedding anniversary.  It seems like just yesterday we were meeting for the first time in Starbucks over our quite times, having our first date at Strange Brew Coffeehouse after a delicious meal , and celebrating our wedding day at 929 Coffee Bar.

Nic Dampier Media

It seems like our entire relationship has revolved around coffee and Jesus.  I had to meet Mark once twice three times before I knew his name.  Before knowing each other, Mark and I sat at the same table in Starbucks each day while I had a break from work in graduate school and he had a break from undergraduate classes.  During that time, we would do our separate quite times, listen to sermons, visit with friends.  It was neat to watch (from across the table) his relationship with Christ grow.  Being Starbucks friends, having never exchanged numbers or Facebooks, allowed us to cultivate a guarded mutual respect without expectations of a relationship.

So it is safe to say, that it was literally Jesus (obviously) and coffee that brought us together.

What I love about coffee houses (in general) is the vibe you get when you walk in, smell the fresh grinds, and see both familiar and unfamiliar faces.

Nic Dampier Media

If you frequent a coffee house, the baristas become your friends and strangers can become your family.  In my case, literally, Mark became my husband.

Nine Twenty-nine Coffee Bar is a unique little bar located in the heart of Starkville, Mississippi.  Travel down Main Street, USA and visit for a while.  The name Nine Twenty-nine comes from the national day of coffee.  What I love about 929 on this day is that it hands out free coffee, a small, but so worth it treat.

Here is a list of many things I adore about this coffee shop:

Hand crafted syrups Industrial look Hand-me-down science tables Live music Bottomless coffee Free water! Ginormous booths Bingo night Choose your own mug!

A limited, but eclectic menu to make decision making a breeze Fresh baked pastries and quiches Repurposed wagon coffee tables Free samples of baked treats Hosting a variety of meetings Random $1 off coupons awarded Independent art nights Welcoming feel for strangers to become friends A personalized touch of homeyness and genuine care in their baristas.

I have got to say, I have been to many, MANY coffee shops, and the baristas here top anywhere I have ever been. 

Nic Dampier Media

929 graciously allowed us to use their facilities to host our wedding reception on March 8, 2014.  We knew that we wanted to incorporate our love for coffee into our wedding day.  We selected bride and groom specialty drinks which everyone adored.  Not only could our guests try our delicious selections, but they could also try a variety of coffee from 929.  We had our food spread downstairs with plenty of seating and light for our 200-250+ guests!  The upstairs was used for cake, coffee, music, too much dancing, and memorable visits with our guests. (The police even got called because apparently we were making too much noise in a college town during Spring Break on a Saturday evening).

   

We had some of the sweetest baristas help out on our special day.  Each barista is always so cheery, genuine with their conversation, and helpful when unsure of what to try.  I have made some of the greatest friends from across the counter.

From the rustic industrial look to the delicious handmade blueberry pastries, and from the old lifted garage door letting natural light in to the Brooklyn cookie sheet wall, Nine twenty-nine coffee bar is one of the most enjoyable places to hang out, visit, and study.

When you come visit me in Starkville, this is a place we will make sure you grab a cup of hot java.

Nic Dampier Media

Another goody: Coldwater Books and Coffee Shop, Tuscumbia ALABAMA

50-WORDS: your testimony

Testimonies are powerful.  It is the story of death to life.  We were dead in our sin, but God being rich in his mercy made us alive together with Christ (Ephesians 2).  You can't get deader than dead, and without Christ, you are dead.  

50 words is not a lot.  It's enough to start a small conversation.  Important details and essential words.  You can share 50 words in the signature line of your email, 50 words can spark a conversation with your barista as she makes your beverage,  50 words is detailed but short enough to utter in casual passing at work. Where can you share your 50 words?

Our testimonies, our selves, are living and breathing works of art created new in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17-21) and it is our mission to share Christ's love with the world (Matthew 28:19-21).

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Renee Young

author of this blog: Mulling Over My Morning Coffee

This is where I post about biblical truths through metaphors and analogies, relatable and transparent struggles, and advice through the lenses of the bible.  I write over too much coffee and filled journal pages. I desire to build community, meet new people and call them friends, listen to struggles, encourage those around me, and shine the overwhelmingly bright Light of Jesus Christ in the darkness. 

Striving to be the best: running, academics, looks, popularity, boys. Cultural “christian” living as if God didn’t exist at all. Pushing far past lines I ever thought I would go. Broken.  Jesus called me out of darkness. Adopted me as a child, he chose me. Fulfilled. Striving to serve Him.

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Here are 7 ladies I absolutely adore.  They each have an incredible and unique story of once being without the love of Christ and now having a transformed heart that bears his image.

1. Terrence from Girl Repurposed

Bloglovin | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

After growing up in the country-side of Philadelphia, Terrence Hebel is currently living in the Dallas, TX desert where her husband is a student at Dallas Theological Seminary. Terrence blogs about how God is taking her life and completely repurposing it to make it even more beautiful than she ever could have hoped for or imagined…complete big dreams and a beautiful daughter, Eliana Grace.

I looked for love in the wrong places. Which made me a girl who I hated. Then I met Him. I still hate the disgusting sin I've done, but now I have someone who knows everything but still tells me how much He loves me constantly. I found love: Jesus.

2. Cassie Lee from Sage

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Hello, friends. I am so excited to be here with you all today. A huge thanks to Renee for having me. If you don't know me already, my name is Cassie and I blog over at Sage. I'm an atheist turned Jesus-loving gal that is married to the man of her dreams. We currently call the Midwest home, but our hearts are back on the West Coast where we were both born and raised. My testimony is dirty and rough around the edges, but I know you won't hold that against me.

Before Jesus I was an atheist; one that wasn't afraid to get in your face and tell you your God was a made up character & your religion a hypocrisy. My heart was cold, my soul broken. Now, I am chosen; given grace that's not a result of my doing. 

3. Kelly from Southern Komfort Blog Bloglovin | Twitter | Pintrist | Facebook

Kelly is a God-fearing, sweet tea drinking, Southern woman trying to figure out this crazy thing we call life.

Typical young "Christian" void of substance. An overwhelming broken spirit due to my own failed attempts to do this life on my own. Realization that I can't do it alone and redeemed by my wonderful Savior. Continuously  sanctified day in and day out. God is always good.

4. Victoria from Through * For * By Bloglovin | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Victoria blogs over at Through * For * By where she hopes that her readers will find something that will brighten their day, encourage their soul, and give them a reason to praise God. Feel free to e-mail her at victoria.mjfh@gmail.com she would love to hear from you!

Jesus Christ has: Died.

 Cleared my debt. Changed my ways.  Made me new.Jesus Christ is: Alive. My hope. My Savior. My peace.Jesus Christ declares: Life. His Father’s glory. His Father’s faithfulness. His Father’s grace.Through Him. For His glory. By the grace granted in Him. Faith is kept.

5. Amber from Wildbloom

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I blog over at Wildbloom, a space designed to share glimpses into my heart.  I adore wildflowers, coffee, photography, sports, and most of all the One who has radically changed my life, Jesus.  Some say I am a true girly-girl while others see me as an outdoors tom-boy.  I like to think I am a unique blend of both.  I post about my faith, document each month with photos, and share tie-bits of what is going on in this Oklahoma girl's life.  

I was raised in church, but the Gospel didn’t become real to me until my early twenties. After years of chasing temporary fills and fleeting forms of love, I surrendered my life to Jesus. in Him, I found wild, life-changing, furious, True Love. He is my portion and my salvation.

6. Rebekah from Wholly Beloved Bloglovin | Pintrist | Instagram | Facebook

Hi, I'm Rebekah Elaine! As the creator and author of Wholly Beloved, my mission is to inspire people to live a healthy & fulfilled life, knowing that they are wholly loved, fully capable, and created for a purpose. There has never been a better time to become your best you & love every step along the way. I'm with you all the way!

My life then, un-surrendered to Christ. I searched for validation in the world until I became tired of running. I returned to my home in Christ & learned what true Love was. Guilty, ashamed, and broken became rescued, redeemed, and His beloved. My life now, devoted to pursuing my savior.

7. Dees from Life of a Coach's Wife Bloglovin | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
I am a wife, daughter, friend and disciple of Christ.  I try to live in a manner that inspires other people to know what makes me “weird.”  I mean, let’s face it, Christianity isn’t the norm, so I am fine with being weird.  I work for Mississippi State University, and my husband coaches high school baseball.  Both of us are perfect examples of the Lord’s redemption and provision, as individuals and as a couple.

Shame. Fear. Unworthy. All this and more defined me before I accepted and understood Christ’s love for me.  Sin is still a part of me, but it is no longer who I am.  I am His.  I am loved.  I am REDEEMED.  I am overwhelmed and incredibly thankful.

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What is your 50-word testimony?

How do you plan on using this snippet to engage with people around you?

How will you use your testimony to reach out to others who are currently walking in your former footsteps?

I'd love to hear your thoughts, your testimony, and how you go about sharing your story.