dear renee: circle link-up

2.11.2015 |

dear renee in 2004,

your relationship with your mom isn't great right now, but you will be glued at the hip despite hundreds of miles of separation.

you feel isolated from your dad in every way except running, but he has always been your biggest supporter and will support and fight for you til the very end.  you will realize how much your dad loves you, you just wait.  he will be your best friend, and your role model.

you and your sister, continue to protect her.  ask her hard questions.  your relationship will be stronger than ever in the near future.  your time with her will run out, keep her closer than you are now.  the time goes away fast.

you adore running, you always have.  running is going to play a significant role in your life, so don't give up on it.  follow your dreams with running.  you have a goal, keep striving because it helps you make one of the best decisions in your life.

right now, you want to be loved, you want to be needed.  you are searching for acceptance, and i know it is hard to find.  girls are mean, and you are bitter.  you have just been cheated on, by your first boyfriend, who you thought loved you. you can let yourself feel the hurt, but move forward.  i know  what you really want is a man who loves jesus and will lead you, in fact, i know that you have a list of ideal qualities you want in a mate in the top draw of your nightstand.  but, renee, you are going to forget all of those qualities.  i wish you wouldn't.  you are going to abandoned those ideals and you will settle for satisfying your immediate needs without thinking about the future.  you will experience unmatched heartache at your own expense.  you will find yourself in so many situations you will later regret with so much pain, and more tears than i wish to watch you bear.

renee, listen. there are so many people in your life that want the best for you, and they are trying to get through.  mom and dad, they love you and that is why you will get grounded for an entire summer (without your car by the way).  you are very stubborn, but i wish you would open up your eyes.  you pretend to be perfect, you pretend to have it all together, you mask your hurt with athletics and academics.  i wish i could get a hold of you, renee. i don't want you to have to go through some of the things you will in the next 10 years, but it's who you are and it has shaped you.
one day you will wake up, about 10 years from now, and you will find yourself wanting to give up on everyone, including yourself.  you won't want to go on anymore, but you have to.  you've been through a lot: eating disorders, broken relationships, failed promises, injuries after injuries, unfulfilled dreams, heartache, bitterness, family problems, more heartache, and just discontentment at an all time high. in this unknown time, you will surrender your life to christ and you will forever be changed.

here, renee, is where the freedom begins.  i wish i could tell you to wake up and surrender now, it's 2004, but i know you won't listen.  you have to go through these years, figuring it out yourself.  you are prideful, i know.  you want to do it on your own, but renee, jesus is there, and in 10 years, he will still be there waiting for you and he will pick you up and make you brand new.  you know a lot about who jesus is now, but you will know who jesus is in 10 years.  you will be known by God.

renee, i don't want to tell you much more, you will find out soon enough.  you are made into a stronger person for the things you had to endure.  these things, though you think they are the worst thing in the world while you are going through them, will be used for your own good and the benefit of others.  i know it might sound strange now, but everything that is going to happen, is going to bring glory to God and demonstrate his faithfulness in your life.

don't give up tall one (you will eventually be called "noodle").  i love you.

love,
renee in 2015





THE CIRCLE LINK-UP



8 comments

  1. Oh, Renee, I may have just met you (hooray for meeting new bloggers!), but I feel like we're one in the same person. I can so relate to wanting to be perfect, not appreciating my sisters enough, and needing to open my eyes, move forward, and just cling to Jesus. Thank you for speaking to me through your letter! :)

    And thanks for linking up, too!!!

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    1. Kiki, thanks so much for hosting this!! what a fun (and so very challenging) thing to do! the things we have gone through make us who we are today and glory to God for his faithfulness in every aspect of our broken lives. can't wait to explore your blog more :)

      Renee

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  2. I love love love this letter to yourself! Isn't it always interesting how we can look back and see where we have come from, and how much God has saved us from ourselves. What's even better? We still have so much to learn and God will continue to lead us :)

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    1. oh that is so true kelly! i can't wait to write another letter to myself in 10 more years! :) God is always at work, and always working out even the sorriest of things for his glory.

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  3. you have a beautiful way with words! :)

    "in this unknown time, you will surrender your life to christ and you will forever be changed." - SUCH a great story! :) thank you for sharing!

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    1. oh thank you so much robyn! that means to world to me. thanks for co-hosting this link-up. it is so amazing how God is always using even the crummiest of situations for our good in the end, and his ultimate glory. thanks so much robyn! can't wait to see what the next 10 years reveals. that will be quite a letter.

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  4. Hi! Visiting from the Circle. Funny story... I was reading this post, and all of the sudden I heard this music and was like "where is that coming from???" It seriously look me a good minute to realize it was coming from your blog. (It is coming from your blog, right? Either that or I'm going insane... I prefer option 1. :)
    Anyhoo, moving on. I love that you and your mom are friends now. My mom and I did NOT get along well when I was in high school, but now I can't go more than 2 days without talking to her on the phone! Aren't moms the best? Hope you're having a great Thursday!

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by! and yes, the music is coming from my blog ;) you are NOT insane.

      it took my mom and i a long time to become friends, and we still have several differences and can't spend too much time in one place together, but i am very grateful for her provision in my life. :) i'm glad you and your mom have worked out your differences too. it's such an important relationship.

      Moms are the best. Hope to be one soon myself!

      happy Thursday to you!

      -Renee

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