snowpocalypse

some people live where snow is a foreign concept.  thankfully, i do not have that misfortune.  i am quite in tune to the magic and awe –and the dangers and fears–of snow. every winter, the weather man promised countless snow days so i could go sledding instead of write essays and build snow forts instead of crunching numbers in calculus.  with all the splendor of snow, it comes as no suprise that snow yields real dangers.  the other day we got 10" of snow.  maybe you have never had the privilege–yes i say previelege–of shoveling 10" of snow off the drive way, but i could barely get out of bed the next morning i was so sore. (waahoo!) driving conditions are near impossible and buisnesses around town are shut down.  it doesn't matter how "good" your snow plows are and it doesn't matter how "fast" the salt trucks dump salt on the roads, you're not leaving your house when snow is coming down an inch every hour.  there were countless wrecks yesterday and many people lost their lives out in the weather conditions. in the midst of laughing and jovial times, there is always weeping and mourning.

you know, there is a lot to be learned from the snow.

the weather man gives us clear warning that the snow is coming.  do we believe him this time? do we take him at his word–which is usually only 60% correct at-best?  regardless, he studies maps and patterns and trends in the weather.  it is apparent that something is coming our way.  a snow storm.  he tells us the snow will arrive around 3AM and will last late into the afternoon.  he warns that it could be anywhere from 6" at the least and 15" at the most (sure, a safe range) and to get ready, be prepared.  still, he believes it is coming, even if we don't.

so what happens....?

some people head to the store immediately to stock up on the essentials–they are preparing themselves a few days in advance for what is expected.  they leave no room for doubts.

some people head to the store last minute and are left disappointed because all the shelves are empty.  now they nit-pick through leftovers or leave empty handed.  if only they had gotten there sooner they could have picked what they really wanted,

yet, still, some people avoid the store all together.  "the weatherman is full–of–it again." they think the storm will pass quickly or that the weatherman has exaggerated the affects or that the snow won't even appear.

well, the storm happened.  it snowed a heavy and blustery 10 inches.  it. just. kept. coming. down.

dont wait until "the time is right"
you will leave empty handed

...what if we applied snowpocalyse 101 to a having relationship with jesus? 

no no no, stay with me and please hear me out. 

jesus christ, our weatherman, is coming back like a thief in the night.  (1 thessalonians 5:2 and revelation 16:15) you know as well as i do that some people go to the store often and may even have crisis-packs stored in their basement in anticipation, some wait til the last minute to grab the essentials, and some avoid the store all together.  where and who are you on a spiritual level?

do you live expectantly for the return of jesus christ, apply the word of God to every aspect of your life, and have an intimate and personal relationship with jesus christ?  society may calls these people jesus freaks, christ-followers, bible thumpers, weirdoes, religious fruitcakes.

have you waited  until you were diagnosed with a terminal illness to figure out the true freedom in jesus of the bible? did you grow up in the church and get lured into the fascinations this world has to offer? have you been burned or found that this jesus "isn't for you"?  have you ever thought that after you've "had your fun and fair share of mistakes" you will come back to church because YOLO...right!?  most people in this position will call themselves "christians," semi-religious, spiritually aware, in tune with themselves.

or are you a person is who is simply disinterested all together? maybe you think the snow storm is coming, but eh, it's just another storm.  people may call themselves apathetic, agnostic, atheist, .

regardless of what society labels you or what you yourself have deemed of utmost importance, there is a blatant warning that the storm is coming...and coming soon.  THERE IS A STORM COMING and unlike a snow storm on christmas night, we have absolutely no clue when this is going to happen.  (revelation 3:10, 1 thessalonians 4:15-18, 2 thessalonians 2:1-6, titus 2:13, 1 corinthians 15:52).

does it not make since to prepare and to anticipate this? to know him? you wouldn't just walk down the aisle to meet your husband without having first met him.  no, as a little girl you dream of the day you meet your prince charming and you two live happily ever after.  this is imprinted on your heart as an american girl and you forever look forward to your wedding day.  on a different scale, the return of jesus is the same.  our divine Husband is coming for us. from the minute we learn of jesus we have the ability to say yes i want you, i'm interested, who are you? or no i don't need you, i don't want you (you theologians can debate my last sentence, but as far as i am concerned, we can choose jesus or choose to live in sin; romans 6:16-18).

so have you prepared for the storm?

"once we too were foolish and disoobedient. we were misled by others and became slaves to many wicked desires and evil pleasures.  our lives were full of evil and envy. we hated others, and they hated us. but then God our SAvior shows us his kindness and love.  he saves us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. he washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the holy spirit. he generously poured out the spirit upon us because of what jesus christ our savior did. he declared us not guilty because of his great kindness.  and now we know that we will inherit eternal life." –titus 3:3-7

photograph highlights

kanoone zendegi (farsi)

this place is changing lives and planting seeds.  at kanoone zendegi, farsi-speaking refugees and immigrants are offered english classes, help with citizenship paper work, learn to file taxes, and are immersed into a love-rich community that plants seeds daily.  life community center offers a comfortable place for persians and other farsi-speaking peoples to feel accepted and at home.  

this is blaire. she has a heart of gold for the lord.  you would never know that she is 19.  we go to school and church together.  she has the voice of an angel and blesses us at pinelake with her gift. 

mr. roy and i walked around downtown vancouver .  we found that it was a lot harder to talk to and learn about people downtown, so we had the time of our lives saying hi and extending a mississippi grin to passers-by. it was truly remarkable to see people light up.  a few walkers responded with how nice it was to see someone cheerful and friendly. proof that this city needs the real love of jesus.

we walked up this hill because the city buses where shut down for 8 hours.  don't let this photo fool you, it was a full mile up hill and another half mile to get to the life center. 

i took this picture on our "mapping" day.  i never realized the useful information you can gather from a neighborhood.

i've honestly fallen in love with this city.
what have i gotten myself in to?

this is the upper landing.  on our "amazing race" day this was one of our destinations.  the weather made for little interaction with people, but this is near where i met david, who we later dubbed our personal tour guide.

these are the laughing buddahs near english bay.  there is more diversity in vancouver than i have ever been exposed.  i wish i could accurately depict it, but i would not do it justice.  if you are a blonde caucasian american girl who is a Christ-follower in vancouver, you are out numbered 500 to 1, and that may honestly be generous.

creeping on a lady at english bay.  have you ever seen a beach with snow?

the inukshuk at english bay.  this is a native american (?) rock formation.

dreary day at the bay

the whale ribs on english bay with canadian flag in the background.  snow fell on my lens because it was snowing really hard that day.  that is why there are blurry marks.  

the steam clock in gastown in downtown vancouver.  a neat place.  if you weren't looking for it, you would pass it by.  

amazing race

i'm sitting in the airport drinking my last canadian cup of tim horton's coffee double-double as i patiently wait to board my plane.  airports are interesting places.  there are so many questions that pop into my head (but that is another post in and of itself).  i was offered a flight voucher to take another plane since they overbooked this one, but i declined when i checked in.  i am kicking myself right now and hoping i have another opportunity to take a different flight. i'm exhausted and running on three hours of sleep.  sure, i could have gotten a full eight hours, but why when my precious time in canada was ticking away faster than i could walk.  so here i am inhaling tim horton's (or tom henry's as my dear friend tyler kept calling it).  

every trip lends itself to sundry life lessons, new friends, and key experiences that you will never again have in the same manner with the same people.  there are so countless things, happenings, friendships that i can take away from this trip.  if listed all the people i met and all the places i explored, you would be reading for days, but there are a few things that standout that i want to share with you all. i met david on our scavenger hunt around the city.  now, the point of this scavenger hunt was to talk to as many people as possible, learn as much about people as possible, and plant and water seeds at every opportunity.  naturally, i was thrilled at combining competition, talking, photography, jesus, and exploring. yeah, basically me wrapped up in a series of events.  now, the day of our “amazing race” was everything short of ideal. it was what you could call “white death” outside.  i  said “nice camera” to david because he was–in fact–holding a nikon d5100.  i went on my way and took a picture of the killer whale sculpture in downtown vancouver.  our paths cross again as i make my way to the olympic cauldron (which is another one of our destinations in the amazing race).  david and i start up a conversation and then some of my team members join along side me.  some how, david walks with us to the upper landing (a house on stilts) and then joins us for lunch.   over burgers and fries, david and i become best friends as we talk about family, mexico, fashion, the weather, photography, and nearly everything else under the sun.  we dubbed david our personal tour guide because he continued to show us around the city for the rest of the day.  though we were cold, wet, and snowy from walking outside all day visiting different places around town; we all had the time of our lives.  david showed us things that normal “tourists” wouldn’t get to see.  not only did david express how grateful he was to hang out with us for a day, we were blessed by him so much so that we all hung out the next day!  we met at the mall and all visited and talked our ears off.  david has been in vancouver for 2 years now but is moving to new york on the 28th of december.  he is actually picking up his mom and dad from the airport today so they can spend christmas with him.  his family runs a resort in mexico called el cid resorts and they are located in cozumel, cancun, and mazatlan.   his brother is living in mexico still, but he isn’t going to canada for the holidays.  i learned a lot more about david and his passion for life and people, but that could be a book by itself.  i am so grateful and blessed to get to meet david while on this trip.  all of us are going to be staying in contact with him, and i even think allie may go on her honeymoon and stay at el cid! it is fun to see the world become increasing smaller with each day that passes and every person i meet.

though we didn't "win" the scavenger hunt, i think we ultimately won because we really got to start a friendship with david.  everyone was genuinely touched by his friendliness and his generosity! (thanks for the timbits david!)

irene

acts 4 is an encouraging passage to read because in these words it is obvious that peter and john were ordinary men with no special training; however, people could recognize jesus in their lives by the things they said and how they treated people so much that they could not deny the work of christ.  peter and john were overwhelmed by the promise in christ that they could not stop telling people of the hope in christ.  because of their souled out lives to spreading the gospel, many people believed and were able to experience the freedom in the lord.  this was a beautiful picture as i headed out to a world who does not naturally reach for the lord.  i am not extraordinary in my "bible knowledge" and i definitely have no "special training."  my prayer is that i would conduct a life so blatantly changed by the lord.

thus far, i have met some incredible people from ALL over the world.  i may put a list up later, because it is quite remarkable the melting pot of awesomeness that is this city.  but, if there is one person that has impacted my trip more than any other thus far, it is none other than irene carlson.  i wish i could depict irene in words, but truly, there are none to adequately portray the beautifulness of this woman.  irene's birthday is today (december 18) and she is turning 69 years old.  irene is from nova scotia but has been in vancouver for a long time.  she has 3 driven children who have been very successful.  proudly, irene showed me scrapbooks she has made with newspaper clippings, magazine articles, and modeling photos of all her children.  the word "beautiful" pales in comparison to what her children look like. irene was in a terrible, i mean terrible, car accident a few years ago.  she was actually pronounced dead and taken to the morgue.  because there was no room in the freezers at the morgue for irene, she had to lay next to the freezers.  when a young employee in training went to move irene, irene started making noise and moving her pinky.  irene was quickly rushed to the hospital and treated.  if i were that man who moved irene, i would have run out of there screaming "ZOMBIE" at the top of my lungs.  irene still has pain associated with the wreck and wears about ten layers of clothing constantly because she is always freezing cold.  irene went on to tell me more about her life, her children, her travels, her loves, etc.  we chatted inside her small boutique for nearly an hour.  i invited her to the life community center for jennifer's goodbye party–jennifer was an intern here for a 2 year commitment, but ended up staying for 3.  irene actually came to the party and had the time of her life meeting others, listening to live iranian music, and eating authentic foreign cuisine.  

you see, i have learned so much from irene.  in irene's words, there were several emotions. before talking to irene, i guess i made assumptions about life, or rather took some realities for granted.  we are one people in that we are all hurting, we all want more out of life, we all need a friend to listen to us, and we all want to be loved and valued and respected.  sure, these are things i have always known, but after i left irene, my outlook on life completely changed.  irene opened my eyes to what real pain, loneliness, and need looked like.  there have been things in our lives that have happened that have helped shape who we are today.  sometimes we stuff those things down and let them depress every aspect of our lives.  sometimes we explode out of anger and leave shrapnel in every life we touch.  sometimes we pretend like everything is absolutely perfect when our lives are imploding on ourselves.  sometimes we blow things out of proportion when we really have it pretty well off.  after talking to irene, talking to people (i mean random strangers walking their dog down the street) became essentially effortless.  

the man who is standing on the street corner has hurt and pain behind his disinterested eyes.  the girl gazing out the window on the bus may have just been laid off or may have had a parent just die.  the list is endless and you don't even realize how many people you come into contact with until you actively engage in conversation with people, even if it is just to say hello.  we are all hurting, and aching; and yes, when we want to stop feeling sorry for our exaggerated hangnail of a "problem," we can admit having reasons to celebrate.  

however, do you realize the simplicity of a smile yet the impact it can create in someone's day? case and point: roy and i found it very difficult to have simple conversations with people unless we were sitting in coffee shops, and even at that, people were in and out quickly.  so we turned the day around just as the clouds cleared out and the sun came out over the mountain.  we just smiled, said hello, and asked how people's days were going.  most people were surprised when we just said hello, but i could honestly see a bleakness in their eyes melt away.  it was the neatest thing.  also, i was walking down the street in north vancouver and i man is sitting on the sidewalk playing (well, more like touching the strings) on the guitar.  broken by his state, i reach into my pocket and pull out the only thing i honestly had on me.  it was 3 canadian quarters.  i stopped and talked to him expressing that it was all i had.  he said word for word, "it's okay girl, that is why i don't ask for money. you see, your smile is just enough to get me through the day."  

so remember the next time you are on the bus, in line at starbucks, or waiting for your appointment that the people around you may need a kind hello, a soft smile, or a simple conversation.  not everyone will be warm and friendly to you.  "you are a stranger, why are you talking to me?" but be intentional with your kindness and channel it to those around you.  if every where you went your goal was to learn at least one new thing about just one person, at the end of the day you may have been 10 different places, which means 10 unique people.

we are all in need. give a smile. lend an ear. give some time.  your life will be forever changed.  

leaving on a jet plane

i love coffee, yes.  that comes as no surprise; however, i am rather fond of tea.  i have sipped countless cups with my new iranian friends as i listened to stories of love, persecution, heartbreak, and triumphs.  before coming to vancouver (and on the flights over) i had no idea for what i had signed up.  all i knew was that i was going to work with amin and sepideh because i had felt an overwhelming pull on my heart to serve alongside them.  now, i am sipping some hotel tea as i reflect on traveling to vancouver from indianapolis.

my trip started off by sitting next to a girl my age named katie on my flight from indianapolis to minneapolis.  as big as this world is, sitting next to katie made the world shrink a million fold after chatting for a straight 90 minutes.  katie goes to the same college as my sister and she is originally from dallas (a city i have frequented much in the past).  katie loves cats and taking photographs.  naturally, katie and i hit it off as though we have been friends for years.  something about katie made my heart happy.  she is bubbly and humorous.  she is dating a guy for a few months now and she will be graduating in may.  she is adopted and has 2 siblings and a white cat (who she had to leave in dallas when she went to school because her roommates were allergic, so sad).  she has three tattoos: four stars on her wrist that represent her siblings and mom and dad, one on her foot that says "love is patient" and one of her ribs.  if you have a tattoo, then you understand the detail one can go into about what the tattoo means, why you got with, etc (i have an anatomical heart on my back and got to share with her why i got inked).  because i was curious, i asked her more about her "love is patient" tattoo, which lead into me asking her what she believed.  like so many people i know, katie has been burned by the church.  the catholic church katie grew up in told her that her mom would go to hell for having her sister out of wedlock.  this is not the basis for hell and i apologized to her for the pain a foolish and out of context sentence must have caused her and her family for so long.  this led to some more conversation on church, jesus, religions, relationships, confusions, fears, etc.  katie and i planned to get lunch at the minneapolis airport together, but seeing that our gates were on opposite poles of the airport and she didn't have much of a layover, we didn't get that opportunity.  we exchanged numbers, instagram names, and took some photos together...but then we went to our respective gates.  katie flew to dallas and is now home snuggling with her kitty.  i know that we are going to keep in touch.    

on my three flight from minneapolis to seattle, i had the privilege to sit next to brian simmons.  brian and his wife moved from rochester to seattle and have been married for 25 years.  brian was flying back from the mayo clinic in rochester.  he has to go there multiple times a year because he has chronic pancreatitis.  he takes over 50 pills a day and has been doing that for over 19 years.  i admire this man i met on the plane.  he and his wife started a single's ministry at their church in rochester.  they have no kids of their own (though they have two white soman dogs named jake and jasmine).  over the years, he said that the different young people that came into and out of their house became their family.  now that they live in mount vernon, washington, he is wondering where the Lord will lead them next.  this man poured into me and whether he realized it or not, gave me much hope and encouragement.  he had such a positive outlook on life and the pain that this disease has brought him.  though he could be angry and selfish for having so much physical hurt, he sees it as an opportunity to not only meet hurting and lost people, but he sees it as an opportunity to remain humble and reminder to stay dependent on christ. this was a three hour flight and we were able to visit with each other for nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes before both of us fell asleep.  i was tired but i know my exhaustion pales in comparison to this man.  he had expressed that he rarely gets more than 4 hours consecutively.  i was glad to see him get a least a few minutes of relief on that plane.

my third plane was the plane out of the country.  i left seattle sitting next to a gorgeous girl that was returning home from spending months in europe.  she was anything but interested in talking to me, but i pried just a little.  she is from vancouver but has worked in the fashion industry in new york for the past few years. she spent a few months in europe touring, shopping, working, etc.  she asked what i was doing in vancouver and i told her about my mission trip with the kanoon zendegi center and zendeh church.  i word for word told her that i felt that i had been "called" to come and she said, "called by who?" i was so thrown off by this question, yet i still told her "God."  our conversation was over at that point besidess farewells and wishes to enjoy being home.

as i walked off the plane, a lady wearing the cutest outfit ever was in front of me.  she expressed that it was from a shop called "aritzia's"  i had never heard of it, so she explained.  i told her i wasn't from here and i didn't know if they had them in america.  the finely dressed woman asked what i was doing in british columbia so i told her i was on a mission trip to work with an iranian christian church.  again, i was taken off guard by her question, "what's a mission trip?" when i told her, the mood shifted and we continued to walk ever faster to customs.  we parted ways as she encouraged me to have a nice trip.  

though i was exhausted after talking and traveling all day, i was relieved to get to canada.  i nodded off a few times while taking the sky train to surrey (a suburb of vancouver).  though i have yet to catch up on sleep, it has been awesome to see how God has been my source of renewed strength and how he removes my weariness.  my day of travel was an encouraging way to start a trip that would require me talking to perfect strangers and immersing myself into a culture where i am always the minority. 

i wish i had pictures to upload at the present moment, but they are all on my digital camera.  i didn't bring my cord to connect my camera to the computer, so we will all have to wait until i return to the states.  

i miss you all, but i sure love seeing the power of the gospel come to life in ways i never have the past 2.5 days.  i can't wait to share my stories about khali-alma, irene, kimberly, cadance, tony, and leila from yesterday's adventure and the testimonies from persecuted iranians from today's events.  it has been a tiresome yet fruitful trip thus far.  

thank you to everyone for your prayer support and for the financial support that allowed me to be apart of this trip.  God is alive and at work here in vancouver.  my God is the God of this city, of your city and we are to be a city on a hill.  go shine, wherever you are.

"i thank my God always when i remember you in my prayers, because i hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and the saints, and i pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.  for i have derived much joy and comfort from your love, ___________, because of the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." –philemon 1:4-7

  .....a lot more to come.

the bride and the Groom

slowly she walks down the aisle

snow white, pure hands

her back against the blackened past

her eyes fixed ahead, straight

legs trembling, hearts pounding, tears welling

she sees her handsome Husband

rough hands with scars for her

He sees her and has seen her

He knows her secrets, her fears, her dreams

He has witnessed her worst;

yet He still longs for her to be His, forever

with a knot in her throat, she relinquished control 

He chose her to be His bride

He took her hand in his

and she said i do, i will, i'm Yours, forever.

all eyes are on her as she glides to the front

a huge crowd of witnesses

anxious to watch her declare her love to this matchless Lover,

anticipating this covenant bond

she is ready to submit and willing to follow

for better or worse,

in sickness and health,

to love, to cherish, to obey, 

for richer or poorer, 

about to share in her Husband's glory

inheriting all that He has

she takes his name, her name is brand new  

she is one with her Groom

this is the ultimate Love story

colossians 2

i want you to know how much i have agonized for you and for the church at laodicea and for many other friends who have known me personally.  my goal is that they will be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. i want them to have full confidence because they have complete understanding of God's secret plan, which is Christ himself.  in him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
i am telling you this so that no one will be able to deceive you with persuasive arguments.  for though i am far away from you, my heart is with you. and i am very happy because you are living as you should and because of your strong faith in Christ.
and now, just as you accepted christ Jesus as your Lord you much continue to live in obedience to him  let you roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught.  let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done.
don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that comes from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ.  for in Christ the fullness of God lives in a human body, and you are complete through your union with Christ.  He is the Lord over every ruler and authority in the universe.
when you came to Christ, you were "circumcised" but not by a physical procedure.  it was a spiritual procedure– the cutting away of your sinful nature.  for you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. and with him you were raised to a new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead.
you were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away  then God made your sinful nature was not yet cut away.  then God made you alive with Christ.  he forgave all our sins. he canceled the record that contained the charges against us.  he took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross.  in this way, God disarmed the evil rulers and authorities.  he shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross of Christ.
so don't let anyone condemn you fro what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new-moon ceremonies or sabbaths.  for these rules were only shadows of the real thing, Christ himself. don't let anyone condemn you by insisting on self-denial.  and don't let anyone say you must worship angels, even though they say they have had visions about this.  these people claim to be so humble, but their sinful minds have made them proud. but they are not connect to Christ, the head of the body. for we are joined together in his body by his strong sinews, and we grow only as we get our nourishment and strength from God.
you have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the evil powers of this world. so why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as, don't handle, don't eat, don't touch. such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them,  these rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline.  but they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person's evil thought and desires.

salvation

the past tense of salvation is justification

the present tense of salvation is sanctification

the future tense of salvation is glorification

what must i DO to be saved?

after reading THIS article, several things went through my mind.  i'm not one to say he did or did not have an experience with the God of the universe, and i am not saying that he didn't really visit heaven; however, i'm intriguied.  

he, like 250 million other americans, calls himself a christian.  now, based on several studies and statistics, being a "christian" can look like 250 million different things, have 250 million different beliefs, and being "practiced" 250 million different ways......but when you look at the word "christian" it literally means "one who follows the example of christ" (1 peter 2:21) and there is only 1 true belief, and there is only 1 true God, and there is only 1 way to get to heaven.  though this neurogserugon called himself a christian, he said "he never held deeply religious beliefs or a pronounced faith in the afterlife."  you can see the ambiguity.  

so this guy goes to heaven and has an afterlife experience while in a coma.  

"i'm still a doctor, and still a man of science every bit as much as i was before i had my experience," alexander writers.  "but on a deep level, i'm very different from the person i was before, because i've caught a glimpse of this emerging picture of reality.  and you can believe me when i tell you that it will be worth every bit of work it will take us, and those who come after us, to get it right."

the last sentence of this quote took me off guard.  "every bit of the work it will take us".....? no, last time i checked, christ already did the work for us. 

"he brought them out and asked, "sirs, what must i DO to be saved?" –acts 16:30

the truth is, we don't have to DO anything. there is no list of things you must DO before receiving eternal life or find hope in this life, there is nothing you can yourself DO to EARN salvation. jesus has DONE it all for us by dying on the cross for us. salvation is a FREE gift from God through jesus christ, your only call is to accept this gift, repent and believe. in a society where we have to work to see improvements and earn every single bit of what we own, how comforting it is to be eligible for God's bountiful grace and limitless mercy without DOING anything, in and of ourselves.

maybe i read that article wrong, but that is what caused my heart to stir.  

pine lake

click HERE for my initial post "i said yes"

I walked up to the front of Pine Lake on August 22, 2012, but not without wobbly legs and a tug on my heart.  Over the past year, God has been doing radical things in my life.  He has taken me from a broken and shameful past to a fulfilled and free present and future.  At the beginning of this year (2012), I decided it was time to get serious about my relationship with Jesus.  No more “lukewarm;” no more selfishness; no more falling away.  I need Jesus and I need Him now!  I knew a lot of things about Christ, and I knew what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus; however, I liked my comfortable life that beat to my own drum and had my own rules.  It was obvious that there was something missing from my life.  It seemed like I had everything any one could ask for: good friends, financially stable, athletic ability, top-notch grades; yet, something was still missing, something huge.  I tried (oh did I bend over backwards trying) to find that fulfillment by running faster than everyone else, by going too far with a boy, by drinking alcohol to fit in, by maintaining a 4.0 GPA; but nothing seemed to fit the “God-shaped” hole in my heart.  I needed more.  Though it took every grudge within me to admit that I was missing Jesus, I finally gave in to Him.  Throughout college, I went to church, but that is all it was.  I put on the all to familiar “Sunday smile” and trudged through the rest of the week.  I lived for weekends and free time, but it only left a trail of an overwhelming amount of tears.

I was sick of compartmentalizing my life.  I was tired of  my multiple personalities.  My church friends saw a different side of Renee than my school friends than did my cross-country team.  It was exhausting trying to keep up with who I was around which group of people.

 It was time to get real. To fill the void, the vast void within my heart that nothing could sufficiently take the place.

 I started reading the bible every day on a Bible reading plan.  As my attitude and outlook on life changed by God’s words, my actions and behaviors started mimicking what I was reading ; consequently, I lost friends because I no longer participated in certain activities.  God, in turn, provided countless people in my life who deeply loved Jesus.  As the summer months approached, I began reading books by David Platt, Lysa Terkeurst, Andy Stanley, and Francis Chan (among others).  The words that decorated the authors’ pages smacked me square in the face and my heart was further softened by God’s promises and truths.  Real change was happening on the inside, now the outside needed to reflect what Christ had done.

Walking into church on Wednesday night, I had no idea I would be walking out with wet hair. As Josh’s message on baptism was coming to a close, he asked if anyone wanted to get baptized the coming Sunday at the Country Club.  I smiled, thinking to myself, “How neat that they have a church wide baptism.”  Then, Josh took it to the next level.  He got fired up and said that if anyone wanted to get baptized right at that very moment (as the Ethiopian in Acts 8 did), it could happen.  God was stirring in my heart.  “Now God? You want me to get baptized right now?! Really? You cannot be serious?”  Josh prayed before we rose to sang our closing worship songs.  I remember Josh’s words as he acknowledged the courage it would take to walk up in front of the congregation to get baptized spontaneously.  He prayed that God would move into our hearts (well, God was already at work in that department).  He prayed that someone would take a step of faith in obedience.  When Josh said, “Amen,” I knew that God was saying loud and clear, “GO! NOW!”  My legs felt like lead. I had butterflies in my stomach.  My hands felt like ice (I’m not so sure it wasn’t because of the arctic air that was blowing in the sanctuary). My baptism was unplanned; it was spontaneous.  As I lifted my lead legs, all worries about what people would think abandoned my mind.  It was me and God.  Josh gave me the thumbs up, and that’s when I found myself moving at warp-speed.  I was wearing XXL basketball shorts, a baggy white t-shirt, and a baptismal robe.

Before I was baptized, I remember having a personal moment with the Lord.  The worship team was playing “Forever Reign” and a few tears just found their way to my cheeks as I “was about to run into His arms” because “nothing compares to His embrace,” and now my “heart will sing no other name” but Jesus!  Brad baptized me and my life has never been the same.  My wet, pink hair had stained the t-shirt and the baptismal robe, but no body seemed to care.  I walked out of the baptismal pool to find that 5 more people had decided to make their relationship with Christ public.  This was the first time I had seen how my obedience to God’s call could impact other people’s lives.  The worship band played “One Thing Remains” as soon as I walked out of the baptismal pool.  To this day, every time I hear those two songs, it takes me back to the place where Christ met me where I was and I affirmed my relationship with Him.

Since the moment of my baptism, everything has changed.  Not that I was eternally saved when I was baptized (I was already a part of God’s flock), but there is something liberating and fulfilling about making my relationship with Jesus Christ public to my church family.  It’s like changing a relationship status on Facebook– I cannot help but tell people about the Love of my life and the internal change that He caused that is now reflected in every aspect of my life.

idols in the heart

i have been sipping on twenty ounces of coffee for the past 5 hours.  it's cold.  i'm dehydrated. i want it, but i don't want it.  there is a microwave 200 feet away from me, but my desire to move pales in comparison to my complacency at this table.  throughout the morning, i have had friends pop in and out of starbucks as if i lived here (not at all that unrealistic of an assumption). i have been thinking about idols in the heart for quite some time.  hannah showed me some notes she had taken on idols and how idols don't necessarily have to be something visible to everyone.  it can be a splinter in the heart and if left unattended to, it will get infected and cause more damage.  yesterday a group of friends and i were discussing various biblical topics, opinions, and plans for fall break. in the midst of these conversations, i mentioned ezekiel 14 and things have snowballed ever since.

if we start in ezekiel 14, it is very clear that there are consequences to worshipping idols.  idol worship pollutes us to the nth degree and we are incapable of removing the stain by our own accord.  "well, i definitely don't worship cows and i have never bowed to a totem pole, so i think i'm good in that department renee."  now, i am not talking about hand-making some golden calf, setting it up in the middle of the chic-fil-a parking lot, and bowing down to it, publicly proclaiming greatness to the god of cows.  today, at least in america, that would be asinine and absolutely absurd.  surely we don't visually worship animals or fabrics or gold......or do we? internally?  anything that vies for attention and distracts us from the purpose of glorifying our Maker has the potential to be an idol in our lives: control, pleasure, money, clothes, pets, personal time, sports, power, jobs, iPhones! and other possessions, food, music, just to name a few.  these things in and of themselves are not bad, but when we spend more time pursuing and seeking them more than the Father, idolatry occurs.  in ezekiel, God allows his people to fall into sin after they have clearly abandoned the Lord.  people, this is no contradiction.  God allows sin to occur which usually means we end up in a bad position or unfortunate things can happen in our lives, meaning God is still in complete control; however, he doesn't cause us to sin.  instead, he allows us to choose the path we wander down.  through this all, God reminds us that he is the one in control and that he never stops being our God.

additionally, in daniel 5:23, daniel talks about the idolatry the king was committing.  the king was praising his money and his good fortune instead of the God who had richly blessed him.  it seems silly to read that the king is praising gold, silver, and bronze (i mean, seriously, who does that?); but, how often do we mindlessly spend money or how often do we withhold giving because you're not "financially stable?"  daniel points out that the gods that the king worshipped had no knowledge, couldn't hear, and couldn't see.  it is a dishonor to God when we elevate the things he has created and put those things in his rightful place. idolatry.  He is the one who has given us breath of life.  He is the one who controls our destiny.  daniel goes on to talk about strange writing that appeared on  the wall as a message from God in response to the king's actions.  our days are numbered here on earth. though we try, we cannot measure up to perfection.  we become divided in our relationships and our possessions get divided.  worshipping idols not only has eternal consequences if we fail to do anything about it, but it dishonors the very God who made you.

i especially adore psalm 115:1-8 and jeremiah 10:11-16.  the author of the psalm deliberately says that idols cannot talk, cannot see, cannot hear, cannot smell, cannot feel, cannot walk, and cannot utter a noise.  when we have idols in our heart, it blocks communication in its fullness to jesus.  we start to trust in our idols more than we trust in God.  eventually, we become exactly like our idols: unable to talk about the glory of the lord, blind to God's provisions, unable to hear the direction of the lord, numb to sin and God's comfort, immobile and stagnant, worthless and invaluable, powerless against attacks, useless and purposeless, dead and fruitless, essentially senseless, you become nothing.  these items/ideals become idols once formulated and manufactured in your heart.  these idols try and fail at filling the God-shaped hole in your heart.

finally, in 1 john 5:21, we are commanded to keep away from idols.  straight up guard your heart against idols, as proverbs 4:23 alludes to.  

now, i don't know where you stand in your walk with Christ.  i don't know the kinds of idols harbored in your heart or the struggles you face, but i can let you a little into my life.  i have committed idolatry in the past and i know i'll commit it in the future; however, guarding my heart against such actions and also recognizing that idolatry dishonors God points me in a faithful direction.  it is my aim to please God in all that i do– as a student, runner, teacher, friend, and daughter.  my desire for power and control is overwhelming, but letting God harness these ideals and translate them into positive forces for the kingdom of heaven is liberating.

"so put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you.  have nothing to do with sexual sin, impurity, lust, and shameful desires.  don't be greedy for the good things of this life, for that is idolatry.  God's terrible anger will come upon those who do such things. you used to do them when your life was still part of this world, but now is the time to get ride of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language." –colossians 3:5-8

fig trees and grapevines

"i am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn, before you have harvested your grain and before the grapevine, the fig tree, the pomegranate, and the olive tree have produced their crops.  from this day onward i will bless you." –haggai 2:19

"even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barnes are empty, yet i will rejoice in the lord! i will be joyful in the God of my salvation.  the sovereign lord is my strength! he will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains." –hababbuk 3:17-19

"surely the lord has done great things! don't be afraid, my people! be glad now and rejoice because the lord has done gerat things. don't be afraid, you animals of the field! the pastures will soon be green.  the trees will again be filled with luscious fruit; fig trees and grapevines will flourish once more.  rejoice, you people of jerusalem! rejoice in the lord your God!  for the rains he sends are an expression of his grace.  once more the autumn rains will come, as well as the rains of spring.  the threshing floors will again be piled high with grain, and the presses will overflow with wine and olive oil." –joel 2:20-24

"the lord says, 'then i will heal you of your idolatry and faithlessness, and my love will know no bounds, for my anger will be gone forever! i will be to israel like a refreshing dew from heaven.  it will blossom like the lily; it will send roots deep into the soil like the cedars in lebanon. its branches will spread out like those of beautiful olive tress, as fragrant as the cedar forests of lebanon.  my people will return again to the safety of their land.  they will flourish like grain and blossom like grapevines.  they will be as fragrant as the wines of lebanon.  o israel, stay away from idols!  i am the one who looks after you and cares for you.  i am like a tree that is always green, giving my fruit to you all through the year.'  let those who are discerning listen carefully.  the paths of the lord are true and right, and righteous people live by walking in them.  but sinners stumble and fall along the way."  –hosea 14:4-9

scripture

"i am still not all i should be, but i am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." –philippians 3:13

"even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet i will rejoice in the Lord! i will be joyful in the God of my salvation.  the sovereign Lord is my strength!" –habakkuk 3:17-19a

unglued

james 3:2-9

as the sun rose, i walked to the campus starbucks with my head hung exceptionally low.  they say that joy comes with the morning, but all i felt on this morning was shame and guilt from events that occurred only hours before.  acting on emotions has never boded well with me, yet i constantly choose to engage in opening my mouth before i think to speak.

why did i open my mouth? why did i say the words i did?  what caused my initial anger? why did i respond in such a defensive and hatful manner? why do i let jealousy invade my heart?

have you ever opened you mouth and with your last words instantly regret everything you just uttered?  have you ever sent a hasty text and with the a punch of the "send" button regret boils in your blood?    have you ever written a letter with what you thought were justified comments and with the dropping off of that stamped envelope you wish you could reach your hand back into the mailbox and retrieve it but instead it now belongs to the post office and your intended sender?

WAIT!  let's hit the rewind button you didn't hear that.  WAIT! let's quickly break into their house and steal their phone so they never even see it.  WAIT! let's wait outside their house for days to intercept the letter.

no, that is not how it works.  

we've all said words, done things, sent messages we knew we would obviously regret; yet, we still carry out our intended function because (let's be honest) it feels good (momentarily) to have the last word, to feel justified, to get revenge, to "show them."

maybe i'm speaking a foreign language to you and you have never ever once in your whole entire life never offended any one nor have you ever done anything you regret.

but that's not the case for me.

seeing the intended hurt, the obvious pain, and sheer brokenness on the face of someone you say you care about is one of the most convicting and repulsive sights.  we can all play the he-said, she-said game. we can all say, "well if _________ didn't do this, then i wouldn't have done that!"  we can all point fingers of blame, but what has that ever solved for you? you got more bitter? your friendship ended? you felt unending shame? you start reacting that way every time?

we have to get to the root of the problem.

the root that gives rise to all the poisonous fruit (which kills those who ingest) in our lives is our mouths.

since the time you learned your right from wrong, you have been constantly modifying your behavior and words to accommodate certain groups of people.  if you are like me, your mom started washing your mouth out with soap the minute you learned your ABC's: talking back, name-calling, rude comments, etc.  apparently the basic formula of soap didn't do the trick. (looks like classical conditioning just didn't prove effective on me, sorry pavlov!) it's not just what we say, but it's how we say it.  what we say is determined by what is in our hearts.  so it may be more accurate to say that the real root of our problem is not so much the mouth but the condition of our hearts.

a good person produces good thing fro the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produced evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.  why you say flows from what is in your heart.  –luke 6:45

we are the fundamental problem to our problems.

i am reading the book "unglued" by lysa terkeurst.  this book describes real emotions that we face in our every day lives and what we, as imperfect humans, tend to do with those emotions.  what makes us become unglued? she explains that we either stuff emotions deep inside or we explode on other people, neither of which are healthy or godly.  if you are like me, you are both an exploder and a stuffer depending on from where and from whom the emotion came.

i feel like such a hypocrite reading this book, raving about the book to others, and then when it comes time to apply the lessons learned in the book, i fail....and not just fail, i fail miserably.

last night, i hit the grand slam of emotional explosions which left me nothing but needing to go to the heart hospital for a transplant and a dose of godly medicine.  i stuffed my feelings of regret and shame deep inside and let my words personally wound me.  my words left obvious poignant scars on the affected one which caused my inner entropy to increase exponentially in a matter of seconds.

the only thing i could do was apologize and let this be added to the long list of learning experiences.  this is not only a learning experience that opened my eyes to how capable i am to hurting others, but how powerful words of any nature can become.  i was in the wrong and there is no beating around the bush on that.  plain and simple, wrong.  if you're in this boat with me, there is nothing that we can do to change what has been said, done, or written; all we can do is apologize (which is a biblical necessity) and react differently in the future.  our relationship with the ones we've hurt may be completely altered or severed, but as the author of proverbs iterates countless times that what we say has the power to sustain or end life, build or destroy. we are all familiar with the fruits of our words.

"death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." –proverbs 18:21 (ESV)

when life gets out of our control, let's not act out of control. 

there is a God who is bigger than the shame and guilt that comes from our foolish and brash wordage.  his grace is sufficient and his mercy is new each day.  he keeps absolutely no record of wrongs. this is no excuse to keep traveling down the explosive path and injuring those with ears to hear but an opportunity to be more humbled than we've ever been before)  he is so very patient and kind with us.  he is Love.  falling victim to shame and guilt is a ploy to divert our wholehearted attention away from the One who came to give us life.  don't endorse that lie or make others believe it.  we are sons and daughters of the King on High.  Christ can cover even our worst moments and most hurtful words.  it does not make living with the undeniably real consequences of our actions any easier, but knowing we can be eternally at peace with God in the situation is satisfying.

we all have that song that takes us back to a moment.  for me, it is the song "forever reign"

tonight, i was humbled and reminded of God's infinitely powerful grace as shane & shane sung this song. tear stained checks and hands lifted to the sky as if God was about to hug me, i could not contain my gratefulness for his grace. i was overwhelmed and filled.

shane & shane concert

you are good, you are good, when there's nothing good in me

you are love, you are love, on display for all to see
you are light, you are light when the darkness closes in
you are hope, you are hope you have covered all my sin
you are peace, you are peace, when my fear is crippling
you are true, you are true, even in my wondering
you are joy, you are joy, you're the reason that i sing
you are life, you are life, even death has lost it's sting
you are more, you are more, than my words will ever say
you are lord, you are lord, all creation will proclaim
you are here, you are here, in your presence im made whole
you are god, you are god, of all else i'm letting go
i'm running to your arms

hi, i am renee and i messed up but that doesn't make me messed up. 

i said yes

i didn't expect to drive home with wet hair on wednesday night, but i did.  i made my relationship with jesus christ public and i was baptized, spontaneously.  ....oh spontaneously, how radical of you.  no, how biblical!

let me give you a tid bit of info on me real quick, i was baptized when i was 7 with the knowledge of who jesus was and what he did, but mostly, it was so i could take communion and get a free meal at steak-n-shake with jason, my youth leader.  i memorized scripture, i sang countless songs, but i still wasn't allowed to take communion.  how do i do this? hmmm.....wheels are turning.  why couldn't i take communion, why was i not allowed to pick up the bread and juice when it was passed.  my prohibition was my downfall. i got dunked in the water, it was a day of celebration, i took communion, but nothing "magical" happened like i assumed would.   i got my relationship with jesus out of order, i did things backwards, for the wrong reasons.    i had felt pullings at my heart a few times in the past: was it ok to get baptized again? yes. did i need to be baptized again? biblically, yes. does baptism give me salvation? no.

well, i already knew the answers to these questions, but i never had since acted upon them because what in the world would people think!?

i can't believe you're not baptized yet.  shouldn't you have already been baptized renee? you must not have ever loved jesus in your past.  you don't really have to get baptized.  look at her, calling herself a christian when she hasn't even surrendered herself to jesus. what a hypocrite. blah...blah...blah...

but wednesday, my walls came down and jesus reached out and pulled me under his crashing waves of Grace.  in a room full of people from literally every walk of life, i was unable hear anyone but jesus.  i could feel him pulling at my heart.  you see, i just finished a book by lysa terkeurst called what happens when women say yes to God.   this book is all about biblical "radical" obedience, how when i say yes to what God wants (not what i want or what others want) without hesitation, how that affects others including myself.  well, jesus was yanking on my heart wednesday night, and i said yes; however, i didn't realize at this time that being baptized on wednesday night was an act of obedience.  

august 22, 2012 marks the day that my inward change became an outward symbol to my dependence on my risen Savior.

lasting obedience must be born out of desire, not duty. –lysa terkeurst

in her book, lysa makes these points and i have applied them to wednesday night:

• our call to obedience may challenge our pride

my legs were trembling, my hands were sweating as i knew that 500 pairs of eyes were looking at my tattooed back as i walked up to the front

 • God uses our experiences to equip us for our calling

reading lysa terkeurst's book further solidified how desperate i am to obey jesus.  my quiet time, this book, sermons, and uplifting talks with friends all pointed to one word: obedience

 • our obedience may inspire others to respond

i was the first to walk up to the front at pine lake, after what seemed like 20 minutes after the song started.  there were a total of 6 spontaneous baptisms that night.

"therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  the old has passed away; behold, the new has come." –2 corinthians 5:17