We have since had our second child, Piper, and it has brought on some new challenges. It should be noted that I love motherhood. I am so humbled that the Lord specifically chose me to raise Ezra and Piper. I am truly finding joy in motherhood: joy in the insane complex crazy wonderful world of motherhood.
However, motherhood hasn't quite been what I thought it would be. Of course, I am not even sure what I thought it would be like, but not this complex web of beautiful insanity.
So what even is motherhood?
It's messy floors and stained clothes.
It's cold coffee and dry shampoo. It's pajamas all day and cheese for breakfast.
It's falling asleep nursing a screaming infant and building blanket forts with a toddler.
It's crying on the phone with your mom for no reason, and it's forgetting to bring the diaper bag to the mall.
It's walking through the grocery store with a wailing toddler because you haven't opened the not-yet-purchased box of graham crackers fast enough.
It's only getting your left hand fingernails painted.
It's feeling like a failure because your kid won't sleep through the night, and it's feeling accomplished because your kid can throw his own diaper away.
It's singing nursery rhymes and children's worship songs without your kids in the car.
It's turning on any cartoon in order to get 5 minutes of quiet.
It's shutting yourself in the bathroom just to check your phone, but just discovering your child can now open doors.
It's throwing the kids in the car just to take a drive, with no destination in mind.
It's seeing the joy on their faces as they make a new discovery or learn a new word.
It's wanting to give up on parenting and simultaneously never wanting anything bad to happen to your child.
It's taking (mostly) only the cute pictures and posting those, but stashing the mess-ups because those are special too.
It's being the bad guy for washing his favorite blanket and forgetting to dry it before nap time.
It's saying you'd never let your kid do XYZ, and then letting him do XYZ.
It's trying to get out of the house but yet again you're already 20 minutes late, oh well.
It's talking to your child like he's your best friend because there's really no one else to talk to during the day.
It's a struggle to find the routine that fits and feeling euphoric when you finally tweek it so it's just right.
It's the mystery of making room in your heart to love your kid more than you ever thought you could and loving them more each day, and loving deeper with every child you have.
It's learning to be flexible and giving yourself grace.
It's finding mom friends to cry to and support.
It's looking into your sick child's eyes wishing you could take every ounce of hurt and pain and fever away if it meant they would feel better.
It's wanting to scream your head off because the kid has to eat something other than bread.
It's sacrificing sleep.
It's crawling into the crib with your kid just to hang out after naps.
It's reading the same book 81 times every day because it is what he likes the most.
It's a dirty house and piles of dirty laundry and uncleaned toilets and unvaccummed floors.
It's boogers and spit-up and bubble baths.
It's Paw Patrol on repeat (can I get an 'amen'?)
It's early mornings and late nights.
It's more cold coffee.
It's hard.
It's messy.
It's even more cold coffee.
It's sweet.
It's rewarding.
It's overwhelming,
and it's a lot more that's hard to convey,
but most importantly, it's worth every single second.
What's motherhood to you?
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