I Suck at Being Intentional, but Got Spontaneity

I don't really have words for all the emotions that have been making their selves at home in me over the last few months.  We moved across the country away from everything that was familiar and homey; I am pregnant with my second child; and now stay at home to take care of Ezra each day.  There are a lot of transitions and new life changes that have happened for us all at once.  And that's scary.

Just trying to recite Psalm 29, for whatever we walk through, glory is his.

I think one of the things that I find myself talking a lot about doing, but rarely finding time to do it is simply 'resting in Jesus.'  To be still before Jesus.  He is truly the only thing constant in my life.  I am trying to find and make new friends, figure out a daily routine with a near 1-year-old, learn the driving routes of a new town, and somehow be at peace with another tiny human growing more each day within me.  My attitude has not always been a peaceful one, but more of a simmering bitterness, cause this stuff is hard and it's not in my easy comfort zone.

As a stay-at-home mom, I feel so guilty answering the questions, "How was your day?" or "What did you do today?" Because when I answer that question, the answer is 'I honestly have no idea what I have done all day.'  I had so much free time, yet at the same time, every minute from 8AM to 6PM escaped me.  I changed about 10 diapers, I did our laundry, I cleaned our house, I got Ezra to eat some green beans, I was able to walk through Target without Ezra screaming, and yet, I still feel like I did nothing at all because what do I have to show for it?  Life is just different now.

I have been struggling with the idea of resting in Jesus and even saying "it is well with my soul."  I know it is good, and I know God's plan for my life is better than anything I could wing on my own.   I know this, and constantly remind myself, and even others.  I know that the Lord provides for his children because I have seen it play out time and time again.  I know Jesus sees every tear that falls and he comforts us in those moments.  I know Jesus hates to see me struggle through these tough trials that he allows to come my way, but his ways are so much higher than my ways (Is 55:8-9).  He knows that they are for my good, to draw me ever nearer to him and to change my heart to be more like his.  It is all for my good, and for his ultimate glory (Rm 8:26-30).

My friend Bre spoke this morning about spending two different types of time with Jesus: intentional and spontaneous.  Truthfully, I am really good at spending the spontaneous, unplanned time with Jesus - where I just pick up in prayer with Christ, bust out in a worship song in the kitchen or while I drive, talk to Ezra randomly about a verse, or ask Mark about what something in the Bible means.  But where I find myself increasingly lazy and consistently making excuses for not doing it, is spending that intentional time - regardless if it is 5 minutes or 50 minutes.  I make excuses or find something else to do instead of sitting down before Jesus to really hear what he has to say to me.  Yes, I repeat and walk in those promises he has given me each day, but I need more.  I am limiting my personal walk with Christ, as well as my family's growth, when I don't intentionally sit down with the One who created me to then in turn glorify him.

A strange position in which I have placed myself.  And even now, as I write this, I know that Jesus works even through this dry season, for I have been bought with the price of His life. And perhaps even this dry season will result in all the more glory. 2 Thess 1:11-12 (Note: don't go looking for a dry season so you can glorify God, you can do that right now, where you are in the spiritual season you are in.)

There are two songs that have really spoken truths to me (the ones I bust out spontaneously in my kitchen and car).  I call them my anthems of the season.  I can usually hear a song and remember what season I was in and why it means so much to me.  I am sure you have songs like that.

Here are two songs that I encourage you to listen them, just put on in the background once you leave this page and continue your interweb dealings. Or sing along, lyrics provided. (Questions below)



 

• Do you ever get in seasons where intentionality or sponanteity come more natural to you? 
• How do you break out of seasons of dryness?
• What does "being still" and "resting in Jesus" look like in your life?

I'd love to hear from you, you know, just so I know I'm not a psychotic weirdo who is the first person to ever struggle with this kind of stuff.  Until next time, 

Trump, Hillary, and Jesus

(Let me first say: you can disagree with me that is completely fine.  You can vote for Trump. You can vote for Hillary. I don't think any less of you as a person, but this is what I feel needs to be said as a Christ-follower who refuses to justify political words.)

Not to anyone's surprise, it is election year. And with it being election year, the drama surrounding this year's political scene is unprecedented.  Without a doubt, it will be one of the most infamous years in America's political history.  There are so many emotions buzzing about this topic, it really is hard to iron out the details at times.  It is not to anyone's surprise that I say both candidates are magnificently flawed, unless you have been either hiding under a rock for the past year or are in complete denial.  From severely mishandling classified government documents, half-truths, and killing babies to publicly demoralizing entire groups of people and threatening religious liberties of Muslims (and by default Christians), each candidate has massive blunders.

One of the most frustrating things to see during this election year, specifically, is the "evangelical" population more concerned with preserving their said political party or their chosen candidate rather than to stand on the truths of the cross of Jesus Christ.  It has happened on both sides of the scale.

After Trump's comments came out about sexually assaulting married women against their will while he himself was 60 years old and married, I wrote a little blurb on my Facebook.  After some feedback, I decided to put it on my blog.  I want you to know that I in no way support either candidate in this years election, and would like to remind you, reader, that as an American, no political party therefore owns my vote.  As November approaches, I am more and more at a loss as to what to do.  As a Christ-follower focused on preserving my witness and walking in a manner worthy of the life Christ has called me to, I personally can not back either presidential candidate.  I know I am not voting for a pastor or spiritual leader to be in the Oval Office, but I also believe character and integrity are fundamentals the government shouldn't throw out.

I also know that not everyone will agree with me, believer and unbeliever alike.  And that's okay.  I'll answer to Christ one day, and I'm content giving account for these words.

Below is what was originally posted, verses with their reference now included.

"the greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." –brennan manning 

Colossians 1:10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God  

Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  

what an unbelieving world finds so hard to believe about people who profess to be christians during this election year is their willingness to wholeheartedly compromise the teachings of jesus who spoke truth in grace with the sole purpose of redeeming people. what the unbelieving world finds so hypocritical is saying one heinous act is worse than another, when grace abounds for the one who repents. why an unbelieving world wants absolutely nothing to do with people who profess to be christ-followers is because not even their moral compasses know how to point due north anymore. people have lost all respect for each other, even those in the church, and have clung to one or the other candidate so strongly they no longer can see without clouded judgement, moral sense, and even more important the lenses of christ. loyalty to a party or a person over the supreme authority of christ (as a christian) in itself is creating a god before the one true God. in other words-idolatry. if you try hard enough, you can justify any terrible thing either candidate has done or rather said to make it fit your own ideal political agenda, but why not call it what it is (sin). because that's what jesus did. he didn't justify sin, he didn't support sin. he called it out, gave us an opportunity to repent (which is different than saying a remorseful i'm sorry, afterall judas said he was sorry). we are all no better than hillary. we are no better than trump. we're horribly messed up people and have fallen short of a mighty, perfect, and holy God. praise God there IS a way to be reconciled back to him through christ. saying you believe something means nothing if you're unwilling to follow its act. if you say you have surrendered your life to christ as a christian, then walk in a manner worthy of your calling. after all, the unbelieving world is looking at christians more than ever to see if they truly live out what they say they believe.

Below are some tweets from some people I respect to the utmost degree in my Christian walk:

Haughtiness of man shall be humbled, & the lofty pride of men shall be brought low & the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isa. 2:17

— Mark Young (@MPYoung17) October 4, 2016

Continued support for Trump is symptomatic of an ideology that is only anti-everything. They're so anti-HRC that they'll support even this.

— Alex Hammond (@alexshammond) October 9, 2016

Breaking: The Wall Street Journal on evangelicals and Donald Trump. Includes my comments. https://t.co/UH3VF9C9r4 pic.twitter.com/hJuSXZNlAO

— Albert Mohler (@albertmohler) October 9, 2016

You are required to believe, to preach, and to teach what the Bible says is true, not what you want the Bible to say is true.

—@RCSproul

— Matt Smethurst (@MattSmethurst) October 9, 2016

The damage done to the gospel this year, by so-called evangelicals, will take longer to recover from than the '80s TV evangelist scandals.

— Russell Moore (@drmoore) October 8, 2016

Dear Republicans and Democrats, moral categories matter. When you stopped caring about that, you both became irrelevant. Goodbye.

— Ray Ortlund (@rayortlund) October 7, 2016

Only Jesus can fill a heart. Looking for fulfillment in anyone else or anything else always results in disappointment. In Him alone is life.

— Gary Permenter (@GaryPermenter) October 6, 2016

One's character is one's character. It should not change in the locker room, on private emails,or on a bus. This is the challenge for us all

— Benjamin Watson (@BenjaminSWatson) October 8, 2016

I want you, reader, to know that I am flawed.  I don't have all the answers.  I don't have my life and family's lives in order and planned to the wire.  I don't.  But what I do know, is that Christ has called me out of darkness, into his marvelous light.  He has transformed my life and because of his death and resurrection, my life will never be the same.  As a Christ-follower, it pains me deeply to see those who profess to be Christ-followers to romanticize their candidate (both Hillary and Trump), make excuses for their candidate, speak hateful things to people with differing opinions and then gloss it over as something "God told me to do it."  I won't be ashamed of speaking truth, in love.  For that is what I am called to do.