A Wedded Reminder

I am sitting at a beautiful book store dubbed coffee shop in Tuscumbia, Alabama. It's called Cold Water Books.   We are in this town because, today we get to witness one of my husband's friend get married to his beautiful fiancé.  Mark is a groomsman in the wedding.

Getting to go to rehearsals, rehearsal dinners, and weddings is a beautiful reminder of what marriage is truly all about.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder to me that we are all imperfect people in need of grace from our spouse.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder that there is no way that i can fulfill every thing that my spouse wants or needs.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder that there is a longing in my soul to be loved and to be cherished.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder that i am far too self-consumed.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder that MARRIAGE is not about me and it is not about my spouse.

MARRIAGE is about surrendering and committing your life to your spouse, forever and ever regardless of situations.

MARRIAGE is about the beautiful reality that jesus loved us so much that he laid his life down for us, the most perfect husband.

MARRIAGE is about seeing ourselves the way christ sees us: spotless, blameless, walking down an aisle in pure white to meet him.

MARRIAGE is a daily reminder that in our imperfections and short-comings and self-centeredness, that we have a savior that desires to love us and forgive us and be with us forever and ever, with not even one promise broken, to fill every longing heart, regardless of who we are or what we have done.

MARRIAGE: we are the bride of christ.

Last night a man was giving a speech to the soon-to-be newlyweds.  What he said really stuck with me, as tears filled my eyes.

"May the gospel always be as beautiful as [the bride] is walking down the aisle in that moment.  may the gospel always be as strong and sturdy in your life as [the groom] is standing there waiting for you at the alter. "

As you walk through marriage, or into marriage, or confused in marriage, or just patiently waiting for marriage, may the gospel be represented in your life.   

how to share the gospel

if you are anything like me, there is a deep-seeded desire to share the good news of jesus setting us free in his substitutionary death on the cross.  i want to share the good news that i no longer have to sulk in my misery, i no longer have to "try" to do good things and "earn" God's approval.  i don't have to do religious activities to save me, jesus saved me when i surrendered my life to him.  no longer is it me in control of what tomorrow brings, but jesus.  how freeing.  so there is this desire; however, there is a real fear that paralyzes us and prevents us from doing so.  this paralysis is not permanent, in fact, it only exists theoretically.

"we are free to choose but we are always a slave to our greatest desire." -jonathan edwards

but if it is only a theoretical paralysis that prevents us from opening our mouth to utter the life saving words to the world around us, why is it so real?  why can't i do it? what am i afraid of?

i have to ask myself these questions any time i go home. sharing the gospel, for me, is hard, and intimidating, and i let the fear of the unknown get the better of me.

you see, jesus has called me to share the gospel with my family who has all the amazing qualities to be warriors for jesus.  but my family lacks jesus.  they lack the hope of tomorrow, they lack the freedom found in christ, they are slaves to themselves.  i was this way, my whole life, and then jesus found me and opened my eyes.  i want them so desperately to experience this.

over thanksgiving break i made it my mission to share.  this wan't easy, it wasn't a fun waiting period, it was awkward, and i was terrified in so many ways.  i was going to talk about jesus to my family.  a mission trip to home.  (isn't every where we go a mission field though?) i knew the Lord would use me and he would speak through me, but obediently opening my mouth is another thing.

so i started with audrey, my sister who surrendered her life to jesus only a few short months ago.

i got to spend an entire day with my mom at the nail salon and shopping.  i got to ask her where her relationship with christ stood.  my mom is growing day by day in her relationship with jesus, but i know there is still something holding my mom back.

then i talked to my grandma (mom's mom) and found out that though she had a relationship with jesus as a child, her passion for him has remained in spiritual infancy.  i got to open the bible with my grandma and read her some verses.  this was encouraging.

finally, i got to talk to my grandpa (my dad's dad).  i simply asked, after building up fictitious responses and letting fear nearly overcome me in my head, "grandpa, what do you think about jesus?"  his response blew me away, "well, if he is not the Son of God, then we are all screwed."  this lead us into a deeper conversation about my grandpa's childhood and early married life.  i was left in tears. without going into detail, my grandpa had been burned, actually marred, by the church.  to know my grandpa had been ripped apart and scarred so badly by people who claim to love jesus broke my heart.  not once, but twice.  with tears welling in my eyes and a lump forming in my throat from trying to keep it together, i apologized for them, and let him know that that is not what following jesus in a relational way looked like.

my mission isn't complete.  the bible calls us to make disciples.  each person has to respond to jesus. it's still hard for me.  it's still awkward. it's still a struggle of my own comfort verses other's eternal destination.  it's a struggle of obedience.  it's a struggle and i am in no way boasting in sharing, but boasting only in the fact that sharing the gospel with 3 people over christmas break is due to the power of jesus working in me.  i need his power in me.  i need your prayer that my fear of the lord would over power the fear of the unknown.

"how much do you have to hate someone to believe that having everlasting life is possible and not tell them about it?" -atheist penn jillete

i want to share with you verses that walk through the gospel.  one of the ways that gives people a clear response to jesus, not you, is to walk through scripture and let them know what jesus has said. walk through these verses in order.  they tell the beautiful story of the everlasting hope we have in jesus.  

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. -romans 3:23

for the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in chrsit jesus our lord. -romans 6:23

we are justified by his grace as a gift through the redemption that is in christ jesus. -romans 3:24

and you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him having forgiven us all our trespasses by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.  this he set aside, nailing it to the cross. -colossians 2:13-14

therefore, if anyone is in christ jesus he is a new creation.  the old has passed away, behold, the new has come.  all this is from God, who through christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  therefore, we are ambassadors for christ, God making his appeal through us.  we implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.  for our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  -2 corinthains 5:17-21

in the days of his flesh, jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.  although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered, and being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him. -hebrews 5:7-9

now the lord is the spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. -2 corinthains 3:17

for God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. for God did not send his Son in to the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.  -john 3:16-18

whoever recieves his testimoney sets his seal to this, that God is true.  for he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the spirit without measure.  the father loves the son and has given all things into his hand.  whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.  -john 3:33-36

"...today, if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts." -hebrews 4:7

"jesus said to him, "i am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  no one comes to the father except through me." -john 14:6

"and he said to all, would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -luke 9:23-26

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so again, i want to ask you the same question i have to ask myself, "how much do you have to hate someone to believe that having everlasting life is possible and not tell them about it?"


i'd love to hear about a time you shared the gospel with someone and their response to it.  i;d love to hear what id holding you back.  i'd love to hear your thoughts on this post. i'd love to hear about how your relationship is going.  i'd love to hear your questions about jesus.  i would love to just hear what is on your heart after reading this.  

cultural christianity

"the greatest single cause of athesism in the world today is "christians" who acknowledge him with their lips, but walk out the door and deny him by their life style.  that is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." 
-dc talk

i have been thinking so much lately about what it truly means to be a christian.  if you don't know me, then you may not know that i don't consider myself a christian in the sense the world means christian.  i would rather refer to myself as a christ-follower.  though christian literally means "a follower of christ", i think the world "christian" has been watered down to be palatable to most everyone.

[start conversation] 

A: hey! who are you and what do you do? 

R: hi, my name is renee and i am a professional athlete.  

A: wow that is so cool.  tell me more. 

R: well, i have been running since i was in the 3rd grade.  it's more than a job, it's what i love. i have too many pairs of the exact same shoe and more spandex than a volleyball team.  you can usually catch me running around town at many hours of the day so just honk if you see me and i'll wave!  i even have a running blog to boast of my performances, do you want the link?   

A: oh i would love to check that out.  it must be hard having to be so dedicated all the time.  

R: well, yeah it is sometimes. i keep myself hydrated daily and carry around fruit-flavored water cause water sometimes gets boring.   i am religious about taking my iron so i stay at peak levels since i have chronic anemia.  i try to get 8 hours of sleep so my body properly recovers. i eat nutritious meals that help me recover.  i know it takes a lot of dedication to do what i do, but that's the life i love, and that is what it takes to be a professional athlete. 

A: that's awesome renee, can i see some race results or stats?

R: oh, i haven't run a race in a while, you know because i'm still training and making sure i am close to my PR, but i am a professional athlete.  you can google me to make sure if you don't believe me.  i know you have seen my running pictures and articles in the paper.  i am a professional athlete.   

A: oh yeah i will definitely look into that.  so who do you run for, like who are your sponsors and endorsements? 

R: i don't need sponsors.  i support myself.  oh my gosh, i am a professional athlete for crying out loud and don't lecture me on sponsorships.  i have been a professional runner for a long time, since i could basically walk. have you ever tried to run!?  i started running when i was in the second grade.  i can run a mile faster than you and 10 of your friends.  do you know how many pairs of running shoes i have owned in that time?  you asked me to tell you about me and i told you i was a professional runner and i am. why are you questioning me!? 

A: sorry, i just wanted to know a little bit more about you.  why are you getting so defensive.  i think it is cool you are a professional athlete, but you don't have sponsorships or any professional race results to actually prove that.  so basically me and could both be professional athletes at this rate. 

R: i'm done with the conversation. you are so ignorant.  you don't even understand.  i am a professional runner.  are you stupid or something? 

[end conversation]

now i know this is a ludicrous, and extremely prideful, conversation, but i want you to think about it for a minute.  can you relate to it?  replace professional athlete with "christian." now can you relate to it? yeah, if i'm honest, i relate far too well. 

all too often i see this reality in our world.  guilty, i stand here confessing to you that i throughout most of my life,  i professed to be a christian, while there was no action to back that supposed claim up.  i called myself a christian, yet i had nothing to show, no evidence, no proof of my transformation in christ.  i dotted my i's and crossed my t's on sunday, made sure i told God i was sorry and that i would try not to screw up the coming week, knowing very well the plans i wanted to carry out with no intention of serving christ.

christ himself is the evidence i need to be sure of my salvation, but if i am not actively living out that transformation, has there even been one? my heart breaks when i think of how many people thought i was a christian, and for them to witness the life i led.  to you, i'm sorry.  i became a christ-follower my senior year of college.  what you knew of me before is not an accurate reflection of the almighty jesus who transforms willing lives. what a poor example of christ i have been, and a huge turn off to those seeking refuge in the comfort of christ.

sure, i had a bible and had been baptized and went to church and youth camp and youth group and i volunteered and i said good things and memorized verses, but these were futile works, detestable works done in and of myself without the power of the lord working through it.  it all looked good, but was all in vain.  through all of this, there was still something missing: the true evidence of my heart being transformed by the gospel of jesus christ, the fruit of my salvation.  how can i call myself a christ-follower, if i'm choosing not to even follow the example he provided?

i stand here today, redeemed. no longer going through the motions of what america says a christian looks like, but viewing myself through the lens of christ .  i have surrendered my life to christ.  all i have is his.  i refuse to give into the cultural christianity around me, and i surrender this life to be used by christ for his purposes.

this might have been tough to read.  it was tough to write because of the reality of my actions before christ; however, i sit here before you, redeemed and forgiven by a loving and gracious God who desires nothing more than to have a personal relationship, not a religious self-serving relationship, with you and with me.  if you have been teetering on the sunday-fix, compartmentalized christian life, you're not alone.  there is refuge for you and forgiveness in christ.  come to him now.  he won't leave you the same.

have you ever gotten sucked up into american cultural christianity? 


♫ jesus, only jesus -matt redman ♫

audrey: my sister

meet my sister: audrey.

the name "audrey" means [noble strength].  i think that is such a neat way to describe her, for in christ she is an heir of God and has strength in all circumstances in christ.  

audrey surrendered her life to christ a few months ago.  as jesus does when you encounter the true, living God, audrey has been completely transformed.  i wanted to introduce her on my blog, because she has decided to start one of her own.  she blogs over at trembling before the king.  she is just learning the workings of the blogosphere but feels that the blog will be a good way for her to document her walk with christ and is easier to keep up with than traditional journaling.   please do make her feel welcomed!

audrey is my best friend and life-long sidekick.  rarely a day passes that we don't talk on the phone.  i have seen her at her best and also at her worst.  when you grow up with someone who is only 17 months to the day younger than you, that happens.  fortunately, our love for each other as sisters is not contingent on who we are or what we do.  

my sister is an encouragement to me, and her passion and zeal for the Lord is contagious.  her fire for the Lord reminds me that we have a mission here on earth as christ-followers.  it reminds me that our time is limited and that loving people is supreme in our day. 

audrey is a one of a kind daughter of the king, and i encourage you to read her story of redeeming love here. 

why don't we pray

if God is all-sovereign, what is the purpose of prayer?

i've thought about this question before and many times i pay the question no mind.  i never stop to think
about the power of prayer.  prayer is an integral part to a communion with the father.  prayer is a communication outlet to my heavenly creator where i can pour out my hearts to jesus with out fear.  prayer is an opportunity for an intimate relationship with God.  prayer is a way i get to experience the overwhelming power of God in my own life.  prayer is a way of building a stronger connection with our ultimate Lover.  prayer demonstrates that i have faith in christ, that i trust the Lord with my lives which he so graciously has given me.  prayer demonstrates that i have relinquished control to the Father. so why don't i pray?

jesus prayed to the Father on several occasions, and if it was important for jesus to communicate with the Father, why do i not make it more of a priority to talk with my Lord?

Luke 6:12

One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

how is your prayer life?

if i am honest with myself my prayer life exists at meals, before intimidating conversations, when i need something, and a quick 2-minute prayer before school with a few high school students. i want my prayer life to be better.  i want to have a set aside time where it is just me and jesus talking.  i want to hear from God.  i can want to have a better prayer life all i want, but without actually making it a priority and follow through, i will always fail to tap into the overwhelming power and joy of jesus.

Psalm 145:18

The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

1 Chronicles 16:11

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

this month of december i am challenging myself to a 31-day prayer challenge.  every day, i am challenging myself to wake up early, grab a cup of coffee and my bible, read a proverb corresponding to the day, and spend time in prayer with jesus before work and the daily grind.  

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are you wanting to take this challenge with me? it's never too late to start!  

Colossians 4:2

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Romans 8:26

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

i can't wait to see how my reverence and awe and love for christ explodes this month.  

i want __________ to define me

carmelo anthony, basketball icon, now says that he doesn’t want basketball to be the sole entity that defines him. now, i havent read the article, but i don’t think i need to. carmelo says he doesn’t want to be defined by basketball, so that means he does want something to define him.

i can understand this to an extent.  running had set the course of my life for nearly 16 years.   my life with running is all i had ever known, until one day it just ended. so, like anyone with a new beginning before them, i ran trial and error protocols to see what could be suitable to define me and what could not make the grade. 

similarly, mr. basketball has only known fame, fortune, basketball; and that too, will one day end. so why not do exactly what carmelo is doing? fill it with something more? is wanting to be known for more than just a game so wrong? leave a legacy right?  

however, what i feel carmelo is juggling here is unrest. there is a lack of contentment. there is a desire to be known for something new.

is carmelo’s new definition going to satiate his appetite to be completely defined?

we’ve seen this before. i’ve seen this before. you’ve seen this before.

day to day our bank account changes 

week to week our favorite football teams let us down

month to month our number of followers shifts

year to year our marriages change

and yet, we still try to put our identity in so many things when one of our demi-gods fails.

so if money, relationships, fame, success, kids, sports, a new tv, a new team, a new house, a new car, a new city, new friends, or a new job won’t permanently satisfy all that we crave, what will?

jesus.  i know that seems simplistic, but it is. allowing jesus to define your life gives you the empowering freedom from the bondage of trying to be a better, more-popular, more-successful, more-beautiful, more-knowledgable version of you.

do you recognize that those things never satisfy? 

those things, they aren’t you.

those things, they don’t get to determine your worth in life.

those things, they will always leave you empty.

those things, they can’t save you.

genesis 1:27

so God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

galatians 2:20

i have been crucified with christ. it is no longer i who live, but christ who lives in me.  and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

john 4:13-14

jesus said to her, “everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that i will give him will never be thirsty again. the water that i will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. 

philippians 3:20

but our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a savior, the lord jesus christ.

2 corinthians 5:16-19

from now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. even though we once regarded christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer.  therefore, if anyone is in christ, he is a new creation. the old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  all this is from God, who through christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 

ephesians 4:24

and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

1 peter 2:9

but you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 

ephesians 2:8

for grace you have been saved through faith. and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, os that no one may boast. for we are his workmanship, created in christ jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

luke 9:23

and he said to all, “if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

psalm 23:1

the LORD is my shepherd, i shall not want.

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your identity is complete in the blood of jesus. are you tired of trying to be good enough, trying to fill your life with these trinkets and toys that temporarily sustain us but will ultimately fail us miserably? i know i am. i can never measure up and never will in my own strength.  i could never have enough, until i surrendered everything i had to jesus. when jesus took my life, i found that he was all i ever needed, he alone satisfied this deep longing to be defined. 

i struggle with identity crisis on a day to day basis, i do. i’ve been outed forever and there are no secrets.  but because my hope is set in christ, i know i can come before the feet of jesus and repent of my sin justified. it will be a struggle until i meet my savior face to face when my glorification in his presence is complete. 

i want to leave you with this question: if you were honest with yourself, where is your identity rooted?

blog tour: behind the scenes

i wanted to take a minute to take you on a tour of my favorite blogs.  i was challenged (about a month ago) by my friend cassie to share my favorite blogs.  you can find her very own blog tour HERE.  

cassie blogs religiously at SAGE. we met on instagram while she was in scotland.  i am not sure what #hashtag brought us together, but i am glad it happened.  cassie helped fund a mission trip to vancouver for me in 2012.  i have seen how, though this world is big, can be made so incredibly small.  cassie got married this summer to her best friend, they moved from arizona to missouri, and are parents to two beautiful, cuddly cats.  she has such a passion for friendships and meeting people like i have never seen before.  from our short virtual friendship, you can tell immediately that cassie is a passionate person, and lover of jesus christ.  she is currently working on her PhD in clinical psychology.  please take a moment to visit her lovely blog, SAGE, where she blogs her heart out and see what wonderful connections she has made across the world.  

behind the scenes of MULLING OVER MY MORNING COFFEE

what am i working on?

i never really work on anything. most of my posts are spontaneous.  whenever i have a long weekend or break from work i love to go on a post-fest.  i am currently trying to perfect a Godly relationship post. it is a response post from a woman's point-of-view of what men should or should not do in a Godly dating relationship.  my original post, though some may think a bit idealistic, is from a genuine man's point-of-view and can be read HERE. if you want to be apart of this current project, men or women, please please please add your input HERE.   

how does my work differ from others of its genre?

my blog, i like to this is different, because it takes a minimalist look and (it is my hope and desire) packs its readers full of thought provoking questions and biblical ideas.  my blog is a faith-based blog.  i don't post about recipes, fashion, or kids. not that any of those things are wrong or bad to blog about, it just isn't my personal style.  i like to blog about what the Lord is teaching me and how that applies to my life.  i hope the readers of my blog find encouragement, hope, and some sort of way of relating to my weird and unpredictable life.

why do i write what i do?

i write to encourage others, but also, i write to encourage myself.  writing helps me think through how jesus is working in my life and allows me to reflect on days past.  my blog is a timeline of my walk with jesus.  i personally like reading old blog posts filled with scripture, it speaks to me in a new way each time.

how does your writing process work?

my writing process is probably pretty different from others.  though i am a huge planner outside the blogosphere, writing at MULLING OVER MY MORNING COFFEE is an opportunity to be completely sporadic and spontaneous.   this might make being a loyal reader hard, and i don't blame you, but i don't have a set time of when i post things.  it just doesn't work for me.  when i have an urge to write, i write immediately. 

next stops on the blog tour:

aubrey bennett pens her thoughts and emotions at WARS AND LATTES. i've known aubrey since the fall of 2012.  it's funny how we came to be friends.  though we have mutual friends, we first sat down over coffee at starbucks at mississippi state.  we talked for awhile about most things under the sun.  from the very first day, humble aubrey was vulnerable with me. she told me how she became a christian, where she was at with relationships, what she wanted (or thought) to do with the rest of her life, and how jesus was constantly molding her.  aubrey is a true family girl.  if anything came in the way of her and her family, she would find a way to stop it.  aubrey is a friend.  when i say friend, i don't mean like we hang out and know a few things about each other.  aubrey is a true friend.  when you talk to her, she listens. she cares deeply and has more empathy when it comes to her friends than i probably have in my little pinky.  this compassion and beauty comes out in her blog and what she writes.  aubrey mostly writes about what the Lord is teaching her in her daily walk with him, how she handles marriage, and discusses any books or passages she reads.  i hope you take a moment to look through aubrey's beautiful blog at WARS AND LATTES.

meggan franks writes over at MOM AGAINST THE MARATHON.  meggan is my cross-country coach's wife, but so much more than that.  we met my freshman year mississippi state university in 2008.  meggan and my coach had been married for almost a year.   i got to run with meggan several times throughout my collegiate running career.  i  cherished my runs with meggan, especially through the summer.  she helped me grow as a runner and i admire her work-ethic and will-power.  meggan is not only a supportive wife, but she is a phenomenal mom.  she has two kids: maddie and patrick. meggan is a running beast. do you know of anyone who can run (she would consider it waddling, but she runs) while 39 weeks pregnant!? do you know anyone who starts doing workouts 6-weeks after giving birth and can run 7-min mile pace just a few weeks after giving birth!? do you know anyone who can do so much of what she loves while being a supportive wife and hardcore community volunteer!? check out meggan's blog.  you can track her amazing progress through road races, training, canadian olympic qualifiers, trail runs, and every day mommy-life at her blog MOM AGAINST THE MARATHON.

i hope you have enjoyed this blog tour.  be sure to check out these three amazing women who take time out of their very busy schedules to write what is on their hearts and what is going on in their every day lives.  

Comparison and Approval

Do you ever try and try and try, and it is just never enough?  You never can win the approval of your co-worker, and no matter how nice you are, it's never up to their standards.  You can never win the approval of your family who just doesn't get you and your jesus-y lifestyle. You seem to never be able to get the approval of your friends, blog-world, boss, people on the bus, etc.  Do you ever feel like this?  Like anything you do, even when it is done with the most pure intentions, just doesn't cut it.  Do you ever compare yourself to other people, maybe even subconsciously?  Take this for example: Everything is going great, actually each new day seems like it is the best day, until you discover....that someone has done it better....or gets paid more for the same job......or has more followers....or cares more than you do....or has more craft skills.....or is entirely more thoughtful than you tend to be....or has a better since of fashion than you.....or....or....or.......a trap of comparison, of approval.

It hits you square in the face when you were on cloud nine, and all the sudden you fell off the rainbow you sat on and landed face-first in a steaming pile of "you'll never measure up."

Ok, before you start thinking, "this girl is psychotic and an attention hog and obviously has some serious personal issues she needs to work on stat," could you please take a look at your life?  

I mean, have you been there?  Am I the ONLY one who has struggled with this? Am I being weird? 

I think, especially as women, we have this pressure on us to make the grade when it comes to being a mom, wife, co-worker, friend.  Maybe that expectation is all a figment of my imagination, but we try to win the approval of others....and through those approvals of others, we try to approve ourselves.

Trying to please other people is completely useless and gets us no where in life.  

"For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

"For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one the Lord commends."
2 Corinthians 10:18

I am so glad that, even though these thoughts can plague me from time to time, that my hope is not wrapped up in a whether or not i am an A+ baker or have the super-natural ability to wipe 2 snotty noses while eating a gluten-free turkey burger and balancing a budget.   I am so glad that my hope is not wrapped up in whether or not I get 12 zillion hits on this blog or can sew my husbands knickers. I am so glad that my hope is not in how much money I don't make or what type of food my cat eats. Because, to be honest, I don't like having added pressure or unrealistic expectations on me.  I don't like to compare myself to other people, because it's depressing.  I know who I am and who I am not.  

My hope is in Christ, and while the reality of day to day living is obviously there, I can fully rest assured that my hope is in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  God looks at me, and because of God's mercy on my life, he sees Jesus.  By his grace alone, I was able to surrender my life to him.  God approves of me, the way I am in Christ.  Nothing added.  

God doesn't see, Renee: the sub-par cook; Renee: the promise breaker; Renee: the deadline miss-er; Renee: the disobedient daughter. He sees Jesus. He sees perfect.  He sees approved.   

I don't have to compare myself to other people. I don't have to prove myself to other people. I don't have to approve myself.  The only one we need to examine our lives against is Jesus.  How close can we come to looking like Jesus in our every day?  You can only look like Jesus in the power of Jesus, and yes, we will fail, but in our repentance and his mercy, he sees Jesus. Forever.  

You don't have to be good enough, you just have to have Jesus.    

loosing air and my sin problem

while i write this blog, spontaneously as all my blogs tend to be, i am sipping on my morning coffee.  i was greeted this morning with a voicemail that said i would only have to work half a day due to a water main break.  that initially sounds incredible, but it's really more of an inconvenience because now one of my classes will be ahead of others.  regardless, i should welcome this change.  after all, i do have a lot to get done.

i was walking the halls this morning as a teacher stopped me. she asked if my car was the one with all the bumper stickers and the (expired) indiana license plate. proud of my silver bullet named Stella, i boasted a "yes!"  then she delivers me the news: "you have a pretty flat tire."  then i began to question her: was it just low or was it flat-flat.  she informed me that it was just low, but it's extremely low and i need to get it looked at as soon as possible.

(i just got a call on the phone that yet another teacher has noticed that my tire is flat.)

so where am i going with my tire loosing air?  how in the world could i possibly make an analogy of a flat tire to my walk with christ?

grab your java, let's mull over this for a few.

sin, it comes in many different forms, but it all causes one thing.  sin, the very thing we don't want to do and do it anyway, causes separation from christ.  it breaks a relationship, it causes guilt, it causes us to retract from the very thing we love.  sin deflates us.  when we let sin spin its nasty web in our lives, it becomes a habitual practice. we end up driving around our lives on flat tires, bending our rims, eventually unable to drive.  air had seeped out of my tire and was ineffective for the job it was to do. i am so grateful that my coworkers pointed out the flaw in my car. do i rejoice when someone points out the sin in my life? am i quick to thank them? or am i quick to jump on them providing excuses as to why i am sinning? am i quick to form a rebuttal comparing my sin to theirs?

"jesus answered them, 'truly truly i say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. the slave does not remain in the house forever, the son remains forever.  so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed'." -john 8:34-36

how foolish i would have looked had i told my coworker that her tires were flatter than mine, that she needed to mind her own business, that my tires don't concern her.  but don't we all do this with sin in our own lives?

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. -philippians 2:3-4

i am at work, unable to leave.  i need to fix my tire but i am so helpless here at work.  i have to fix this sin problem, but fixing sin isn't a matter of changing behavior so you look the part.  every 20-something eventually grows up and puts their childish, wild days behind them.

so do i just take off work and go fix it myself?  do i wait, pray that everything pans out?  do i just hope that the tire survives with the remaining air?  do i just leave it as it, pretend like it never happened? i mean, after all, i CAN drive on it.  i got to work didn't i!?

fix.  i need a fix, a cure. help.

we've been down this road before.  you let a problem go without resolve and it gets worse.  sickness, bad relationships, flat tire, jobs.......sin.

fix.  i need a fix, a cure. help.

this is where my husband comes to the rescue in my tire situation.  mark comes to the school on wednesday's to help lead an FCA men's leadership group.  i told him what was going on with my car, even though i couldn't see my tire for what it really was.  i asked him to help me.  i asked him to pay to put more air in my tires. i was really helpless.  in a phase of waiting for mark to tell me my car was going to be okay. without hesitation mark, filled my tires.

so what about this sin problem?  how can i fix this sin problem that has plagued me for nearly 25 years?

...if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved." -romans 10:9-10

i tell jesus what is going on in my life, even though i can't really see my sin for what it really is.  i ask jesus to help me.  i ask jesus to pay the price for my sin.  and without hesitation, jesus says, i have already done so.  jesus paid the price to fix my sin when he died on the cross and rose victoriously over death.  confessing to jesus that he is lord, believing in jesus, trusting that jesus is your heart mechanic is the only way to fix this sin problem.  it was only when i acknowledged that air was leaking from my tires that anything could be done about it.  have you acknowledged your sin before jesus?  jesus will fill you, though air will continually leak out of my tires, though we will continue to sin on a daily basis, when you surrender you life to jesus christ, your past, present, and future sins have been paid for. confess to jesus, let him fill you.

romans 6 is my favorite chapter in the bible.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness.  But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

have you surrendered control of your "loosing air" situation to jesus?
have you acknowledged your need for him to rescue you?
are you doing anything about the sin that someone has pointed out in your life?
are you being the friend and lovingly confronting someone about a sin you see destroying their life?
do you realize that without jesus, overcoming sin is impossible?
do you realize that sin is prohibiting you from being who God desires you to be and prohibiting you from doing what christ has called you to do?

stop leaking, ask jesus fill you.