My Needs and A Screaming Child

I love Christmas break for so many reasons: a chance to specifically focus on Christ and the glory of the cross, time off work, cozying up with family, typically an opportunity to roll in snow, and an excuse to ingest too many cups of coffee (but does one really need an excuse for that???)

I currently have the latest holiday blend in a festive mug.  It makes even the sleepless of nights cozy and warm and peaceful.  Grab a cup of your favorite brew and let's dig into a hard life lesson together.

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I was listening to the radio the other day and the radio host asked a rhetorical question for anyone who has been loving for at least a day.

"Have you ever heard a screaming child in a store or perhaps on an airplane?"

In my mind I am thinking, "or right in your own backseat?" You see, my sweet child was screaming his head off all morning for what reason is still amiss.  On our way to church, he was still crying and there was nothing I could do.  I felt helpless.  So when this question was uttered, I scoffed and had a sour attitude.

The radio host continued.

"A baby just wants to have its needs met.  As adults we are no different."  I just smiled, almost shedding a tear in realization to where the host was heading.

He was right.  My adorable however fussy child just wanted to have his needs met and the only way he can communicate that is by opening his adorable little mouth and letting out a gargantuan cry.

I want to focus on the later part of what the radio host said.

"As adults, we are no different".

My desire at that time was to have peace and quite, was to not want to cry out of feeling defeated as a mother, was to comfort my baby, was to not be in a crabby mood, was to actually get more than 2 or 3 hours of continuous sleep.

I, in the instant of hearing the radio, had one of those life-flashes-before-your-eyes kinda ordeals.  I was thinking of all the times all I wanted was to just have my needs met and I pouted or even threw a big girl temper tantrum when things didn't seem to be aligning with what I thought I needed: first break up of my life, my parents advising me to not go to University of Kentucky, being plagued by multiple injuries during my collegiate track career at Mississippi State, a friend group excluding me from activities and events, and even finding out I as pregnant (full story).  There have been so many, way more than mentioned, times that I felt as if my needs were not being met.

That is where I went wrong though, "...times that I felt as if my needs were not met." 

 

The most wonderful thing is that God knows exactly what I need: I needed to hear my infant cry; I needed to get out of a fruitless, Godless relationship; I needed to go to Mississippi State University and avoid Kentucky; I needed to go through 6 major injuries in college; I needed a peer group to exclude me from deviant activities; I needed to have a baby.  There are so many more back stories to each of these needs, but what is so cool is that God provided each opportunity and gave me exactly what I needed, even if it wasn't what I wanted at the time.  What is even cooler is that through each of these occurrences is that God was sweetly drawing me nearer to him.  He was pruning me aggressively: removing what isn't needed and providing what is.

While my baby is truly communicating through crying that he needs something, it is now a vivid (and loud and clear) reminder to me that when I start to throw a fit because things aren't really working out the way that I envisioned or desired, that God is actually working out and providing for what I truly need in order to draw nearer to him and look more like him each day.