scrawling the scriptures

happy saturday from mississippi.  it is nearly 6pm and i have not changed out of my pajamas.  it's amazing that i even put my contacts in today.  this is the first weekend in what seems like months that i have ZERO plans.  at one point in my life i would have been distraught to have an idle day, but not today.  it has taken me all day to sip on one pot of coffee and i was able to take as much time for my quiet time as i wanted.  so, happy saturday indeed.

i wanted to take today's post to highlight the importance of journaling.

▣ do you wish you could remember what was going on in your life when God was teaching you patience or self-control?

▣ have you ever found yourself scribbling in the margins of your bible just wishing you had a scrap piece of paper to jot your notes on?

▣ do you feel like you would make the spiritual discipline of prayer a higher priority if you could write them down?

▣ do you ever feel like you wish you knew how to journal at all?

all these questions, well, that's me constantly.

if you are anything like me, you are a visual learner and writing things down helps you: solidify your thoughts, meditate on what you've just heard or read, learn scripture, and keep track of what you are going through at any given moment.  just think about how many notes you write on a daily basis: you jot something on a napkin, send a text, put a remeinder in your phone, tell your friend to "reminder to" or "don't let me forget to"...

from time to time, i hand-make journals.  i love being creative when time allows for it.  today, on this plan-less day, i decided to make a journal because i have been without one for nearly two months.

side story, i kept a journal for each month of the year in 2012-2013.  it was so neat to go back and see what God was teaching me at the moment that i met mark, now my husband.

but why do you journal?

some scholar's speculate that the disciples must have kept some sort of record of their time with jesus in order to compose the gospels with such incredible detail, but yes, all scripture is God breathed.
but think about it.  when you take a picture, you're more likely to remember who you were with and where you were and funny inside jokes.  same with a journal, when you pen something on paper, there is a higher chance that you will remember what you read, where you were, and what you were feeling.

why do i journal? because i am easily distracted during my quiet time. doodling and writing verses down helps me focus on what i read.  i love being able to go back in my notes and see what God was teaching me.

so how do you journal?

there is no real answer to this.  you write down verses, you write down your response to those verses, you jot down how it applies to your life, you draw a picture or highlight importance thoughts.  write down a prayer.  pick out a psalm, jot down your favorite parts, and make it your prayer for the day.

whatever you decide to do, don't quit.  though journaling might be a foreign affair at first, it will become natural and you will look back on your days excited to see where God is going to take you next.

check out my friend cassie's 10-step guide for studying the bible.

6 Lessons in Marriage After 6 Months

It seems like just yesterday that I was driving through the Chick-fil-a drive-thru on my way to my own wedding.  It literally seems like I said yes to my best friend last week.  How did the time escape me this easily?  Could it be that I have been enjoying my life as a compliment to my husband so much that i have forgotten to smell the roses?

I am currently sitting at 929 coffee bar and I am thoroughly enjoying a jasmine iced tea.  We had our wedding reception here at the coffee shop and I am sitting in the location approximately where my beautiful wedding cake made it's home. 

It is September 8, which means it is not only my mom's birthday, but it is our 6-month anniversary.  Now I am not one to make a huge deal about monthly anniversaries, but when we get into years, that will be noteworthy.  I think that a ½  year of marriage is pretty exciting.  (not that there was ever a reason to doubt we wouldn't make it that long)

Marriage is a beautiful arrangement that God has created.  I have never known a man like I know Mark, and that is an intimidating yet comforting fact.  Marriage is work and compromise and giggles and nerf-gun wars and bike rides and pillow talk and intimate prayers and burnt food and budgeting and so much fun.  

I have learned so much in these past few months.  I want to share 6 of them with you representing 6-months of marriage.

1. It's not about comparing you marriage to other couples

My relationship with Mark should never be compared to anyone else's relationship, and neither should yours.  That will set you up for hurt feelings, disappointments, pride, and jealousy. End of story. 

2. Let him know how much you respect him

Before marriage counseling, I knew that men and women ticked to a different clock but I couldn't exactly put my finger on it.  Mark and i both read the biblical-based book Love and Respect during our engagement. It opened my eyes to how similarly to how I desire to be loved by Mark, he desires that amount of respect-not in a misogynistic or totalitarian way-but in the way the God so perfectly crafted the male personality.  This has been such a difficult concept for me to grasp because I think this idea of "respect" gets pushed aside in our culture when dealing with relationships.  You respect your teachers, coaches, friend's parents, servers and hostesses, but.....in a romantic relationship that's rarely preached.  I have frequently left Mark notes letting him know that I respect the way he leads the high school youth group or the way he doesn't complain when he has so much to do.  I have told Mark that I respect the way he had led us financially and spiritually.  I have learned that it's not just saying that you really 'appreciate' your husband or that you really 'like' when he does X or Y, but it is when you tell your man that you respect what he is doing that allows something inside of him to be strengthened.  Let your husband know all the things you respect about him. 

3. When your feelings get hurt, lovingly communicate that

Though Mark and I have never gotten into a fight or heated argument, we have hurt each other's feelings more than one time.  Usually it is me being an overly sensitive female who interpreted something he said incorrectly and then I close off all interaction, I retreat to mean-and-spiteful-Renee which in turn hurts his feelings to the n-th degree.  There have been times were we have stayed up talking in bed about how my feelings got hurt and how his feelings got hurt. I let some tension build for a few days because I had really gotten my feelings hurt after we had not spent much time together.  Mark and I decided on a rare occasion to go out to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings after church one Sunday.  Over spicy garlic buffalo wings, my conversation ended with tears (the kind that feel good coming out because 30-pounds are released) in my eyes and Mark's hand in mine.  I communicated how my feelings had gotten hurt not realizing that his were too.  After we talked and reconciled and moved past it like nothing had happened.  Make sure you don't hold anything inside even if you feel like it is silly because it will cause a divide.  Talk about it.

4. Keeping his bottle filled is not an option, it's essential

I knew that going into marriage I would have to make sacrifices and do things when I didn't want to.  You and your husband are both separate bottles.  Your job is to make sure your husband's bottle stays full and his job is to make sure yours stays full.  You are to pour yourself out in completeness to ensure that your husband is full of your (AND ONLY YOUR) love and respect, because if you don't fill it, someone or something else will.  After a long day of not seeing each other, Mark's bottle is nearly drained.  I greet him with a kiss and a hug and it starts to fill.  As we talk about how our day went and what bugged us and what went well, the bottle fills more.  

So what happens when you skip the greeting hug because your tired and ticked-off that you got a speeding ticket on the way home?  What happens when instead of asking him how his day went, you start complaining about how he didn't do what he said he would and how you wished he would be more considerate when it came to moving things in the kitchen?  

The bottle drains....faster and faster.  

Well, speaking for most men, a bottle gets filled the fastest with sexual intimacy.  Though that won't be all men's primary love language, it's a huge part of the way God designed the man.  When you fail to engage in sexual intimacy, he is quickly tempted to look for that satisfaction in other places: a co-worker's hand shake or compliment quickly fills his parched bottle, the nearly-pornographic ad on the internet seems incredibly tempting to click and then you now have become objectified while his bottle gets filled by another, or he "all the sudden" becomes to busy for home because he is finding more bottle-filling activities mowing the grass or working or at the ball field.  Sexual intimacy is not an option, it is a necessary, spiritual, and gifted aspect of your marriage designed by God.  Keep your man's bottle filled, and it won't be a problem keeping yours filled.

5. Do what you used to do before marriage

It's not like marriage should be all that significant of a change.  I realize that after marriage you live together, can have sex, might move to a new city, and get new jobs, but the relational and emotional aspect of your relationship should be very little affected.  Mark and I frequented coffee shops, sat in the hammock, went on road trips, took random drives, got surprise sonic route 44s, sit and read our bibles or books together, and write notes to each other (Mark more than me, I can't keep up with that dude).  I felt that at the beginning of our marriage we got away from doing some of the things we absolutely loved because we were trying to be a "perfect" couple.  I have learned that marriage is just doing life together, doing what you love with the one you love forever.  It doesn't have to look a certain way or fit a perfect mold or be highlighted in Cosmo or Pintrest in order to be good.  Do what you used to do before marriage, because that is what keeps it fun.  

6. Keep a budget sooner than later

I could write a mountain of crap about this topic, but I won't.  We no longer stress out about the money God has blessed us with because it's his already; however, we want to be faithful stewards and not just look in our bank account to see a number knowing we can make it.  We started using YNAB and have been very excited to allocate our money to certain places.  Keep a budget, sooner than later, because being careless with God's money will bite you in the rear.  Don't say I didn't tell you so.  (if you do want to use YNAB, i have a code that can help you get a discount)

All in all, I am by no means a professional wife and I don't want you to get the vibe that I somehow have perfected the art of wifery.  I don't have all the answers and I am learning how to handle situations in a more effective and Christ-like manner each day.  I can't wait to see what the Lord blesses Mark and I with in the next few months.   

What are some lesson you have learned in marriage?

  

perseverance is evidence

salvation in christ does not make you simply immune to life.  you will face temptations, hard times, and persecution.   

when you pass through the waters, i will be with you and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  for i am the lord your God, the holy one of israel, your savior.  -isaiah 43:2-3a

"blessed is the man who trusts in the lord, whose trust is the lord.  he is like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." -jeremiah 17:7-8

"count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  let steadfastness have its full effects that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing." -james 1:2-4

endurance in your faith through trials and persecutions makes you more christ-like.

"blessed be the God and father of our lord jesus christ! according to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of jesus christ from the dead to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  in this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of jesus christ." -1 peter 1:3-7

endurance in your faith and fruitfulness is evidence to your salvation in christ.

"take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God.  but exhort one another every day, as long as it is called today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.  for we have come to share in christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.  as it is said, today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." - hebrews 3:15

"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith" -2 timothy 4:7

"therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." -hebrews 12:1-2

"here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in jesus." -revelation 14:12

"and you will  be hated by all for my name's sake.  but the one who endures to the end will be saved." -mark 13:13

jehovah jireh

grab your coffee, and come sit with me.  i'm currently drinking the left over coffee from the pot this morning.  no, its not the greatest, but at 8pm it will suffice for my worn out body, my pounding headache, and my desire for the coffee flavor.

i wanted to take a minute to share what God has been teaching me for the past few months.   it's a challenging topic, one that i am still mulling out in my mind and trying to give God all the glory, and learning to truly depend on Christ.

if you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being "not at all" and 10 being "i never falter," what would you give yourself in this scenario: "i believe jesus provides for my every need."

"i believe jesus provides for my every need."

see, 2.5 months ago, i would have said that i believed that God provided for me with a resounding 10, but when you took a second to examine my life, there was no action to prove my words were genuine which allots me to a 1. you would have seen each day being carried out in my own power: my anxieties boiling over into relationships, illogical fears keeping me up at night, tension when it came to monetary discussions, and simply taking credit for things in my life.  

so what happened in the last 2.5 months that made me so quickly back my words up with action? do i really believe that jesus provides for my every need.  yes, i truly believe that the One who gave up his life for me provides for every need (not want) that i have.  i believe that he delights in our joy which comes from our steadfast obedience to him.   i believe that the One who clothes the flowers in such ways that make us speechless and the One who has fed each sparrow for the day, will provide for my every need.

now, writing this blog post does not mean that i have it all together.  it doesn't mean that i have some how conquered the trap of doubt or insecurity, it doesn't mean that i'm going to give you a 10-point lesson on how to trust the God who provides for your needs.  writing this blog, to me, means that i want to share with you my struggles, but in those struggles, how rewarding it has been to visibly see Christ work around me.

when we say believe, "trust" is a more effective word, because "trust" ensures action.  when you are at a  slumber party as an 8th grader and you and all your girlfriends do the "trust fall" .  you stand in front of your friends with the intention that they will catch you.  trusting your friends means that you have to fall.  trusting your friends means that you believe they will catch you.  trusting means action.

do you trust that jesus, the God of this universe, will provide for your every need?

let's take a look at genesis 3:21.  we are familiar with this chapter, the fall of mankind. 

"and the Lord God made from adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them." 

not only is this a picture of God's plan of redemption for man kind, but GOD MADE CLOTHES FOR THEM AND HE CLOTHED THEM! there was no LOFT, there was no GAP, there was no Target!  GOD MADE THEM! GOD CLOTHED THEM! GOD PROVIDED! 

throughout the old testament you see God providing for his people even when they are in the midst of complaining about the materials God provided.  if you just read exodus, you will just want to punch the israelites.  but can i get real with you?  how many times have we been the israelites.  we fail to see what God so graciously has given us.  we complain when its not exactly how we want.  we get tired of God providing the same things day in and day out so we try to take matters in to our own hands.  i don't know about you, but i find myself being a lot like the israelites in exodus waiting for the promise land.  

mark and i started making it a priority to pray that God would come through for us in unexpected ways because we need him.  mostly our prayer was that he would come through financially as we are in a real time of transition.  as a married couple, we started tithing our monthly income and prayed about how God would want us to obediently give our money to impact His kingdom.  now, reader, this was not some jacked up joel osteen theology or "if we pray about it hard enough or will it into existence it will come to fruition" kind of mess, or a "if you give, you will get" idea.  no. we faithfully give to make much of the one who has so generously given to us. we biblically believe that God provides for us so that we can be faithful stewards of his provision and cling to the promise laid out in 2 corinthians 9:8.  we believe he hears our prayers and in God honoring ways, he will provide.

on june 28th, my car exploded.  not literally, but the exaggeration matches my emotions.  in reality, a few hoses in the engine busted and some liquid started leaking somewhere *insert car terminology here.*  regardless, it was stressful, it was late at night, it was raining, and we were 3 hours away from home.   

mark and i call AAA to get it towed because my mom reminded me that i have the card (which expired june 30). as the situation unfolded, we had to ride the 3 hour trip back to starkville inside the tow truck.  mark, being the amazing Godly leader that he is, says that this is an opportunity to share the gospel and we must take it.  doubting in my mind and really just kind of upset with the situation, i go with it because there is really no other viable option.  (goodbye singing out loud and listening to the music that i want to listen to, goodbye peaceful talk with the husband on the way back, goodbye sleeping in the car, goodbye changing out of my bridesmaids dress........my thoughts)  

so we hop in the AAA vehchile and i realize that this lady is going to have to drive to starkville and back (5.5-6 hour trip) and we aren't even going to arrive in starkville until 12:30-1am.  my heart begins to sink at the inconvenience we have caused her.   

the ride starts. 

conversation and small talk ensues and we have been provided with an opportunity to share the gospel to denise, our hilarious and kind driver.   

mark shares the good news of jesus dying on the cross and rising from the dead so we can be cleansed from unrighteousness if we repent of our sins and turn to him. 

we get to starkville. its late. we prayed with denise and wished her well and hoped that she had fun on her upcoming trip to new orleans. 

eventually we get the car fixed, but for a pretty penny.   now, this is in no way to boast about our finances or ourselves.  i want you, reader, to clearly see how God moves.

the car ended up costing up $463.11.  dagger to the heart. not exactly pocket change to us 20-something married folks.  

let's rewind two week prior.  june 19. i got a text message notification from our bank saying that a certain amount of money had been deposited into our account.  this was unusual to both of us so we checked it out online.  i remember mark saying that day, "hey, it's God providing for us!" yes, i believed that God was providing, but i wanted to know where it really came from.  so i called my mom.  mom said that she closed out the wedding account and we could consider the deposit a gift.  tears.  so we transferred that money to our savings account, removing temptation to spend it.  

speed up again.  it's july 1 and we have to pay for the car in order to get it.  where in the world are we going to get $463.11?  oh.......maybe the $463.10 my mom and dad deposited into our bank account 2 weeks prior.  

i couldn't make that story up if i tried.  God financially provided for us, in a time of desperate need, and my mom got to be the avenue through which God worked.  look at our bank statement if you don't believe me.  we paid $0.01 for my car to be fixed.  incredible.  

now, i know that's just one story, but there have been several other things that have allowed us to see God at work: meals provided by a friend, church having too many leftovers so we are given it to take home, football tickets, opportunity to babysit, mini-jobs to earn side money, opportunities to share the gospel, ability for Mark to drive to and from seminary in new orleans once a month without paying for gas, and the list continues.  we have been actively praying that God would provide in enormous ways. (just today, not expecting to go to the game and perfectly content with watching it on the super sweet new jumbotron, we got offered football tickets at a tailgate.  mark looks at me after and says, "in the shower this morning, i prayed that God would be gracious in providing us football tickets so i just knew we would get them.  i feel bad for just kinda expecting it to happen but...you know." and i looked at him and said, "uh, you are supposed to pray with expectance.")

my faith in christ has grown so much because of the ability to see God come through.  this excites me, but also saddens me.  it shouldn't take me seeing God come through on big things like that for me to solidify that God takes care of me because each day i wake up and drink another cup of coffee or see the sunrise is God's grace revealed to me.

but in all, God is glorified.  my faith is growing. my doubts diminishing.  

i don't want to take away the real emotions and dread that hard times can present.  i know what it's like to have nothing, to live on powdered milk.  i know what it's like to have a lot, family vacations every year.  but in all, hard times fall on us all, and we all find ourselves with a predicament.  we can worry and try to fix things on our own or we can believe/trust that Christ will be beside us through it all.

what does worrying get us?  another minute? a raise? a hot wife? a new best friend? a better house? a longer life?

worrying doesn't get us anywhere.  in fact, worrying is in direct opposition to christ.  "worry" says that we don't believe that God will provide for our physical need (not physical wants).  it says that we don't trust that Christ will come through for us.  christ has already given us enough as it is. he DIED for us.  and ROSE for us. and has INVITED us to a personal relationship with him.  but God goes further in providing for our physical needs too.

"therefore do not be anxious saying, 'what shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or what shall we wear?' for the gentiles (unbelievers) seek after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them all" -matthew 6:31-32

"oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! oh fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack. the young lions suffer want and hunger, but those who seek the lord lack no good thing" -psalm 34:8-10

"if you then who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him." -matthew 7:11

"and my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in christ jesus" -philippians 4:19

you are more valuable than ravens (luke 12:24), the Lord provides for you all things that will glorify him.  don't be mistaken.  you're not going to get something just because you want it.  God is in control of that situation, but what ever God gives you, glorify him.  he has provided for your needs so that you can use whatever he has given to you, to make much of him.

do you believe, with your life on display as evidence of your belief, that jesus will provide for your every need?

on a scale of 1-10.  go......

jehovah jireh will provide. 

quality vs. quantity struggle

i feel like i need to start this post off by apologizing.  my absence has part been out of necessity, part out of laziness, and part out of obedience.  it's been a whirlwind of first few months of marriage, new jobs, moving into a new house, no internet connection, traveling, and the hustle and bustle of life.  it truly has all utterly consumed me, but that will never be something i would complain about.

here i am, digging into the word and sipping on my morning coffee, grateful for labor day.  it almost feels like a glimpse back into college.  wake up, read and do your quiet time for as long as you want, go to class, maybe do some homework, continue doing your quiet time for as long as you want, maybe blog about it for an hour or two, drink more coffee.  mark made me some delicious coffee this morning.  i poured it though, and chose the biggest mug we have for him!

so grab some coffee and sip with me.

let's make something clear.  the authenticity of your relationship with christ is not based on how many verses you memorize, or the quantity of chapters you cover in your quiet time, or the plethora of minutes you spend in prayer.  the authenticity of your personal relationship with christ is based on the quality of time you spend with him and the condition of your heart at which you approach christ.

i had gotten into a rut a few months ago because i physically couldn't spend the amount of time reading my bible as i had when i was in grad school.  with my new job and trying to be a wife, it just wasn't going to happen.  so i started believing the lie that in order to be a "good" christian, i had to check off some boxes and get said amount of reading in for the day.  it was a real struggle in my heart because i wanted to read, i wanted to spend time with the lord intimately like that, but physically there were not enough minutes in the day after working/planning to make my set quiet time look or feel like it did in grad school. heart breaking to me.

mark, my husband, preached last sunday night to the youth group about how to have a quiet time.  though i am not a high school student, it was still pretty convicting to me.  he mentioned that when you have a quiet time, it is not about measuring the quantity of time, but the quality of time you have with jesus.  he went through a bunch of scriptures and gave the student's some practical ways of starting quiet time, but it was a simple reminder that i can't compare my quiet times to other seasons.  i have to look at where i am currently and what God is trying to teach me at that moment.

i don't know if you have ever gone through major life changes back-to-back-toback, but if you have, i would be interested in hearing how you dealt with changes in your schedule.  i don't ever want to fall into the trap of trying to "fit" God into my day.  my day fits solely around God for his glory.

do you struggle in this area?
are you having a hard time making your quiet time a priority?
have you ever fought the quality of time verses quantity of time model?

'jesus answered him, "if anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him".'  -john 14:23

"how can a young man keep his way pure? by guarding it according to your word, with my whole heart i seek you, let me not wander from your commandments! i have stored up your word in my heart that i might not sin against you." -psalm 119:9-11