a ten-year plan?

3.08.2012 |

(c) rnm
i'm listening to david crowder's song "let me feel your shine" and drinking shell gas station coffee with a hint of irish creme. so warm and comforting.  don't you dare judge me for gas station coffee! do you know how many miles fill-up station java has kept me company while driving countless hours back and forth across the nation?

i feel at a crossroads in my life, and though i so desperately wanted to grow-up when i was a kid (or even as a senior in high school) i never thought this time period would ever truly arrive.

tonight a friend asked me what my plans were for next year.  as of right now, i will be in graduate school and i will be teaching biology labs to undergraduates students 10-15 hours a week.  needless to say, i am overwhelming thrilled at this opportunity. (insert a heart beating 200 beats a minute)  then my friend proceeded to ask me what my ten-year plan was, or if i even had one.  to be honest, i don't have one.  sure, like everyone, i have ideas of where i would like my life to go and how i want it to play out; sure, i dream of a white picket fence, a cat, a dog, preparing well-thought out dinners while wearing a frilly apron for a husband of God's choosing, a swing set in the backyard accompanied by a yellow slide, and waking every morning with a cup of java heading off to a job i adore-encompassing everything about the desired "american dream."
(c) rnm

however, for the past 22-years of my life i have painstakingly planned out my every detail only to be utterly dismayed at the neglect i displayed to my plans or at the towering failure looming above me from goals unachieved.

i think i can attribute my failures and plethora of faux paus to trying to be self-sufficient.  i'm simply hanging on to this lead balloon. but.....but now, i am ready to feel God's perpetual light and crawl out of my shallow pit of short-comings.  i'm raising my white flag and surrendering, admitting my personal defeat. i don't know where i got this notion that i needed to meticulously plan out every minute of my life down to the last period and dotted 'i' (which is what i have so often done) causing me to miss out on everything within arm's reach at the present time.  

my response to a ten-year plan was something along the lines of this, "well, i have a general idea......but i guess i'll just take it day by day right now."

i think it's important to remember that i (or you) could plan, plan, plan like it's your day job working double overtime, and it still wouldn't advance us any further than we were two seconds ago.  see one of my favorite bible verses below.  the Lord is the one who has the authority over each step we take.

"we may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall."
proverbs 16:33




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2 comments

  1. Where are you going to grad school?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like someone needs some spontaneity in their life! I know "a friend" that can help you there!

    ReplyDelete

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